Here’s another little story I just whipped up. I like to think that it both parodies current events and works as a spooky Halloween treat!
“The Sauce” - By Genericktag
“OK! It’s all ready!” Whiskey Foxtrot said, entering the mess hall from the kitchen. “Deep fried harresburra nuggets served with my new spicy mustard sauce.”
Deande grinned up at Foxtrot in his chef’s hat and apron. “I just love a man in uniform,” she teased. “And I’m honoured to be the first to try your new sauce recipe.”
Foxtrot smiled back as he placed the platter of food in front of her. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Deande picked up one of the nuggets and dipped it into small cup that held the sauce, then popped it into her mouth and chewed slowly.
“Well?” asked Foxtrot after she swallowed.
“Oh my goodness, Whiskey. This is absolutely delicious. This might be the best thing I’ve ever tasted!”
“Yes really! Mellka! Hey Mellka come here a moment!” Deande called out to the only other person in the mess hall. Mellka had been seated across the room, munching on a salad and quietly gagging at her crewmates overtly sweet displays of affection.
“What?” she said irritably. “What do you want Deande?”
“Alright, Mellka. You know that holoshow, Brick and Mordy? The one about the two guys stranded on an inhospitable planet that-“
“Yeah yeah, I know the show. What of it?”
“Well, it inspired Foxtrot to make some of his own spicy mustard sauce. I just can’t keep it to myself! Here, you’ve just GOT to try some.”
Deande offered the cup to Mellka, who sighed and dipped a carrot stick into it.
“There,” she said, biting off the end of the carrot. “Are you happy now…oh wow you weren’t kidding that’s amazing!”
Deande was already tearing into another nugget. “I KNOW, RIGHT?”
Foxtrot beamed. “Cool! I’m glad this was such a big hit. I’ll make sure to make some more the next time we’re on Ekkunar.”
Deande and Mellka froze.
“What do mean ‘the next time we’re on Ekkunar?’” Mellka asked.
“Well, that’s where all the ingredients come from,” Foxtrot explained. “I only made a small test batch this time. Now that I know you guys like it I’ll make sure to make some more the next time we’re there.”
Deande let out a low, creepy sounding laugh. “Oh no no no, Foxtrot my dear. That will not do at all.”
“Yeah,” Mellka said. “You can’t just spring something this good on us then decide you’re just going to take it away!"
Foxtrot looked back and forth between the two women, who were now slowly advancing on him. “Uhhh, I’m not taking it away. It’s just that I don’t have any more right now.”
“You know what I think, Deande. I think old Whiskey here just wants to keep the rest of the sauce to himself!” said Mellka.
Deande nodded. “He’s probably going to try to sell it off to the LLC or something. That’s very selfish of you Whiskey!”
“Are you two feeling alright?” Foxtrot asked. He took slow, deliberate steps backwards toward the door.
Deande and Mellka charged, and Whiskey Foxtrot turned and ran through the doorway. He slammed it shut behind him just as his pursuers were about to reach him.
“Nova!” Foxtrot called out the ship’s AI. “Lock down the mess hall right now! I think something has gone horribly wrong!”
“Again?” Nova sighed, but Whiskey heard the locks on the door click shut.
He paced back in forth in front of the mess hall for a few moments. Something was definitely wrong. Both Mellka and Deande had crazed looks in their eyes when they charged him. And the fact that they were currently pounding on the door behind him and shrieking like harpies wasn’t easing his mind any further. He took a deep breath and told himself that everything was going to be OK. He just needed to find a quieter spot so he could think this out and come up with a solution.
Whiskey Foxtrot started walking, listening as the sound of fists against metal and monstrous screaming began to fade away. Eventually he ended up in the armory, where he found Shayne and Aurox handing tools over to Toby as he worked on Berg. Shayne looked over as he came in.
“Oh, hey Whiskey. Whoa, you alright buddy? You look like you’ve seen a ghost something.”
“I, uh, might have a small problem.”
“I’m all ears, dude.”
“Oh. Uh, OK. So you know that holo-show Brick and Mordy?” Foxtrot asked.
Shayne laughed. “Oh, yeah man! I love that show!”
Aurox grumbled. “THAT SHOW IS NOT FUNNY!”
Shayne waved him off. “Ah, you’re just not smart enough to ‘get it.’ Hey Whiskey, what’s that catchphrase Brick always says when he-“
“Sorry to interrupt,” Nova said suddenly. “But I just thought you might like to know that Mellka and Deande have escaped the mess hall and are heading in your direction as we speak.”
“Oh no! Come on you guys, we’ve gotta move! Right now!”
Whiskey pushed and shoved his friends out of the armory just as Deande and Mellka rounded the corner in the hallway. Their pupils were huge and they had both begun foaming at the mouth. Mellka had her machine pistol at the ready.
“DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY!” Deande cried out.
The four Rogues screamed and ran as venom-laced bullets started flying. Toby kept pace by sliding along on his belly.
“Come on!” Shayne panted. “I think the boss is in her quarters. Reyna will know what to do!”
Reyna was indeed, at that moment, in her quarters. She lounged on her bed, engrossed in a sappy romance novel that she had “borrowed” from Alani. Which just made it all the more startling when four of her team mates burst through her door screaming. Whiskey Foxtrot slammed the door shut and locked it, then they surrounded her, babbling and shouting incoherently. She quickly tucked the novel under her pillow.
“Hey! Hey! HEY! WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU PEOPLE?”
The rest of the Rogues quieted down and Whiskey began to gasp out his story.
“Deande…Mellka…mustard. Now they want to kill me!”
Reyna rolled her eyes. “Alright, calm down. I’m sure they don’t want to kill you.”
Mellka’s bio-gauntlet crashed through the door. She peered through the hole it made, snarling.
“GIVE US THE SAUCE OR EVERYBODY DIES!”
“Oooohhhkkkay then,” Reyna said. “Rogues, huddle up!”
The Rogues formed a huddle in the centre of the room, listening closely as their captain took charge.
“Alright, you four stay close to me. I’m going to open the door and use a photonic ward to knock them back. Then we make a run for the shuttles. Toby, you call Pendles and have him meet us there. Shayne, you do the same for Orendi. But whatever you do don’t mention the whole murder thing or she’ll probably want to join their side. Once we reach the shuttles, we all pile in and head for the Fortune’s Favour. Then we hang out there until and this whole thing blows over. Got it?”
Everyone nodded. “Good. On three then. One. Two. Three!”
Reyna pushed open the door and deployed the photonic ward. Deande and Mellka were knocked back against the wall, stunned.
“Now! Run for it!” Reyna shouted.
The Rogues ran as fast as their legs/belly could carry them. Nova’s corridors were long, and they didn’t bother with the elevators to take them down to the lower decks. Instead, they scrambled down the maintenance staircases, making their way closer and closer to the shuttles. None of them dared to look back, but they all knew that the rabid Eldrid merc and the crazed Jennerit spymistress couldn’t be far behind them. Finally, the shuttles came into view, and thankfully both Pendles and Orendi were already there.
“Get into the shuttle!” Reyna called. The two looked confused, but did as they were commanded. They sat themselves down comfortably, only to become significantly less comfortable when the rest of the Rogues piled in on top of them. Aurox reached back and pulled the hatch shut, and the airlock doors closed just and Deande and Mellka had almost reached them. With a jolt, the shuttle dislodged from its resting bay, and the Rogues were out into space, heading back towards the Fortune’s Favour.
Whiskey sighed with relief. With any luck the effects of the mustard would wear off in time, and he could make some adjustments to the recipe so that this sort of thing never happened again. For now, he was just happy that he and his friends had reached safety, even if it meant they were all crammed together in an uncomfortably tiny shuttle.
“Hey Whiskey,” Orendi said suddenly. “What’s this packet of yellow stuff doing in your pocket?”
Whiskey Foxtrot’s eyes widened in horror. “Wait! Don’t touch that!”
“Too late! Already ate it!” Orendi said cheerfully. “It tasted pretty good, too!”