Had a fairly productive gaming session today.
Shortly after beating the ■■■■ out of the Onett police, @FunkJunkie made his way south to Twoson after getting another psychic message from @Arsonist. He took some time to grind out another two levels before he did so. Upon arriving he found that Arse… had been kidnapped!
This fact was known by… basically everyone in town. He also found out that Paula’s parents ran a daycare and were the only ones (hilariously) who did not know she had been kidnapped. At a loss for leads, he headed into Burglin Park, where he was set upon by Everdred, local “lovable hoodum” who watches over the flea market that exists at the park. After a brief altercation, he said that he knew that Arsonist had been kidnapped by the Happy Happy Cult and taken to their town past the woods to the east of Twoson, Happy Happy Valley. Before setting out, Funk decided to invest in the local technology sector, giving $200 to Apple Kid and Orange Kid, local inventors.
This proved to be a good decision as Funk encountered a strange statue blocking his path into the Happy Happy Village, pictured below.
At a loss, with no where to go, Funk was delighted to hear that Apple kid had made a breakthrough on his work, and had invented a machine that would completely erase pencil shaped objects! The device was called… the Pencil Eraser.
pauses for effect
With the writing implement cleared, Funk continued on to Happy Happy Valley where he first made contact with the cultists that lived there. They were truly a strange people, wearing blue robes and worshiping one color above all others - blue.
Nope. No allegory there.
Funk eventually got the information that he needed. Arsonist was being kept in a shack behind the town! He set out to rescue her, only to find that she was locked up and he needed to get the key from the nefarious cult leader, Mr. Carpainter. This would be a problem, as the man was rumored to be a master of lightning based attacks. Luckily, Arsonist provided him with a Franklin badge, a magical item that would reflect all lightning attacks. As he left the shack, Funk was set upon by cultists lead by none other than… POKEY, his old childhood friend, apparently having turned to the cult as a source of inspiration.
With this, he was able to easily slip through the cultist compound and defeat Carpainter. The man, seemingly affable after his defeat, noted that he’d only started “Acting Strangely” after being given a strange, glowing statue.
Somewhat remorseful, Carpainter gladly gave over the key to Arsonist’s shack, and Arsonist joined the party. As they reentered town, Arsonist and Funk were set upon by Pokey who apologized for his behavior… and then shot them the bird and assured them that he would be a thorn in their side for some time.
But that’s not all! Funk and Arse bravely set into a nearby cave where they had to do battle with various bears, moles, and bats, all before fighting the second sanctuary guardian… MONDO MOLE!
The mole went down rather easily after Funk used his magic mind bullets to paralyze the beast, allowing the pair to waylay it into submission.
Where will the next leg of our journey take our heroes? Will it involve zombies? Zombie hookers? Strange smart boys from boarding schools? Only time will tell…
So for the sake of honesty, I’ve decided to keep track of my deaths here. I had one death today to go along with the one I had yesterday.
- Died to a group of a pogo punk, skate punk, and yes man jr. in onette due to a SMAAASH! from the skatepunk while underleveled.
- Died to a group of Mobile Sprouts and a Ramblin’ Evil Mushroom while under the influence of a shroom.
I mentioned those yesterday and the road between Twoson and Happy Happy being a slog… those things (along with some other tough enemies) are why. Shooms can “seed you with spores” which causes a mushroom to grow out of the affected character’s head. This has two effects.
Causes the affected character to be confused, allowing them to attack themselves or other party members.
Randomly switches the directions on your DPAD when walking in the main world.
On the plus side, the game gives you 50 bucks for every one you get taken off of you by a healer, on the bad side… yeah.
Past that, the road was as rough (or rougher) as I remember. Territorial Oaks would routinely burst into flames for loads of damage, and Aliens had access to “nighttime stuffiness beams” which would give a cold for poison, so bad times.
All of that is completely erased by how much I ■■■■■■■ love the Happy Happy Cult. It’s a weird mishmash of the WACO cult and the KKK, this group of blue worshipping weirdos in the middle of no where. Even better is the reaction after they snap out of it, with everyone uttering things like “Huh, I guess it was just a fad.” afterwards. The rest of the Yuks here largely came from the completely forgotten fact that Paula’s parents were literally the only ■■■■■■■ people in town who didn’t know she’d been kidnapped. This fits heavily with one of the overarching themes in the game which is… all the parents are pretty much garbage.
I was able to grind Paula/Arse up to around level 17 before leaving Mondo’s cave. She only had one death (thank god) but is still squishy as hell. She’s only 5 levels below Funk/Ness now, and has about 5 less PP, but her HP is only half his. Keeping her alive is the real challenge, as is balancing when and where to use her magic to keep everything on the level. I’m tempted to grind out more levels on her in the morning, but honestly there’s not a lot of combat between now and where we pick up @TemetNosce, which weill have its own challenges.
“See ya, suckers!” - Pokey
“Look kid, you’re a real problem for my religion…” - Mr. Carpainter
“ARSE! ARSE? ARE YOU AROUND? PLEASE COME HOME! MOM MADE PIE!” - Arsonist/Paula’s Dad
“I love selling my pots here, but what I really want is that for sale sign over there…” - Vendor in Park
(after knocking on random door) “LOOK! MUNCH MUNCH I ALREADY TOLD YOU! MUNCH MUNCH I DON’T WANT TO JOIN YOUR CRAZY CULT! MUNCH MUNCH NOW GET OFF MY PORCH BEFORE I PELT YOU WITH PEANUTS” - Local Twoson Resident