Battle(born) of the Bands

The Battleborn had come together to defeat a common foe, but the tensions between the factions still remained. There was only one way to solve them for good. The method of settling disputes that has been the mainstay of teen dramas and bad AU fanfiction for millennia: a Battle of the Bands!

The LLC were convinced that they had the advantage. It was well known that Phoebe was the conductor for an orchestra of robots, of which Marquis was a part. Thinking that they had the best experience and resources, they insisted on taking the opening spot on the bill, convinced that no one would be able to follow them. They performed arrangements of corporate approved classical hits like El Dragon’s entrance music, “Unleash the Dragon,” and “Theme from Kid Ultra: The Officially Licensed Animated Series.”

Up next were the Rogues. Only one genre of music was able to convey the freedom and personalities of this band of misfits: thrash metal! No one could match the high tempo beats of a four-armed drummer, and the growling vocals of Whiskey Foxtrot punctuated the rhythm and shredding of Pendles and Toby on guitar, playing to perfection in spite of the fact that neither had the requisite number of fingers traditionally used in conjunction with the instrument. With Reyna on bass and Shayne wrangling the band’s official rock monster mascot, their performance consisted of an elaborate stage show featuring shadowfire-and-sticky-bomb-based pyrotechnics. There was, however, a lull when Orendi stopped playing drums and sang a song she wrote entitled “Secrets In Your Gushing Neck,” which she kept insisting was “the number one hit power ballad of the summer.”

The Jennerit offered up a single, three hour long medley of dark electronica music. Red lasers cut through the black darkness of the club that had been created in the simulation room of the Nova. Deande showed off some her moves with a fan dance, and Rath choreographed a masterful rhythmic sword demonstration set to the music. Caldarius used his flash grenades to create a strobe effect, blinding the audience several times, and Ambra added some vocals somewhere in the middle of the song that made ears bleed…though she claimed that that was the point.

The Peacekeepers were the penultimate entry in the contest. Ghalt had wanted to put together a jazz ensemble, but two of his team mates wore restrictive helmets and two had a beak that hindered their embouchure, making a proper horn section impossible to come by. Instead, they went back to their roots of good old fashioned country-rock. Ghalt proved to be a charismatic frontman as they performed covers of “Montana,” “Sweet Home Aplia,” and of course Benedict and Ernest’s favourite, the ancient hymn known as “Free Bird.”

Finally, it was the Eldrid’s turn. Even though they went last, they were probably the least organized of any group due to the fact that they couldn’t decide on which type of music they wanted to play. Mellka began with a punk rock song that no one could understand the lyrics to, and the tone took a hard change when Boldur followed it up with an old Eldrid folk drinking chanty. Alani tried to bring the pace up with a surf-rock song about riding the riptide, but was undercut by Thorn’s refusal to participate because she’s the most boring character in the game and no one should like her. To end their set, Kelvin, backed up by his good buddy DJ Miko, sang “Ice, Ice, Baby.”

So, which faction showed their musical superiority and deserves to win the Battle of the Bands? You decide!

  • The LLC
  • The Rogues
  • The Jennerit
  • The Peacekeepers
  • The Eldrid

0 voters


Metal Militia.


Peacekeepers, because smooth jazz, and Montana’s theme song.


I LOVE how you put the two Rogues without fingers on guitar.