Battleborn vs. The Beginner's Guide vs. The Talos Principle vs. Starbound

Alright y’all!
Everyone’s makin’ comparisons to two certain other games which shall not be mentioned in this thread because that would be completely off topic…

But I think everyone’s ignoring the real issue here…
Is Battleborn better than The Beginner’s Guide, The Talos Principle, or Starbound?

Now personally, I can say with confidence that “The Beginner’s Guide” and “The Talos Principle” both have a better story than Battleborn. The Talos Principle also has better graphics, and better puzzles. In Battleborn, the only real challenging puzzle you have to deal with is figuring out how to get the damn shift codes to work. That said, The Beginner’s Guide’s FPS mode is absolute sht! First off, your gun runs out of ammo and you can’t reload. WHAT THE FCK KIND OF BULLSHT IS THAT? Second, there are no enemies to shoot. HUH?! WHY WOULD YOU DESIGN A FIRST PERSON MODE WHERE YOU CAN’T SHOOT THE DAMN ENEMY? AND THEN YOU HAVE TO DIE AT THE END OF THE LEVEL? FCK THAT!!! I’M GONNA BE FLYIN’ GLORIOUS AS HELL AS LONG AS I CAN!!! MAYBE SHOW ME THE ENEMIES??!!! MAYBE SHOW ME WHERE THEY ARE AND GIVE ME FCKIN’ BOOMSDAY SO I CAN BLOW THEIR FCKIN’ HEADS OFF!!!??? WHY SHOULD I SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR SOME RANDOM CAUSE I LITERALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!!??? HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT SACRIFICING MYSELF FOR SPACE HITLER!!?? AND I AIN’T SACRIFICING MYSELF FOR NO WHISPER MACHINE. I’M GOIN’ OUT IN A FIERY EXPLOSION OF TAUNTS AND SMACK TALK BTCH!!! Third, it only has simulated multiplayer. You cannot actually talk to other people or leave your own comments. And I need to be able to express my opinion. This is a need. ALSO WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THOSE 3 DOTS!!!??? That said, I relate easily to the narrator because “Coda” reminds me a lot of Toby. Toby designs games just like this “Coda” guy, and sends 'em to me. And only me. Why does he do this? I don’t know. It always psses me off and he gets pssed off when I make fun of 'em. Will I stop making fun of him? Hell no… but the narrator’s confusion at this BS mirrored my own and I really related to him. It actually made Coda’s weird sht bearable because I felt like someone understood exactly how I felt. At least until the end.


They tried to do some BS where he was just as insecure as Toby… sorry… Coda, and I am NOT insecure. Toby’s the one with the problem. NOT me. I’m fcking glorious. That said, it’s still a nice story. And I love the narrator. We have a lot in common. I am genuinely concerned for Toby. Especially after that one he sent me yesterday which was all severed bloody talons and wings and beaks with continuous sobbing and bloodcurdling screams of anger whenever you touch one. That’s some fcked up sh*t Toby.

But the disappointing ending aside, The Beginner’s Guide is a nice story. That said Battleborn has Boomsday, Aviants, in game chat options with real people, taunts, and a REAL FPS mode. Not some BS designed by Toby. Plus have you SEEN the Steam Charts for this game? You think Battleborn’s steam charts are bad? Check this sh*t out…


Moving on to “The Talos Principle.” I said this earlier… but the graphics? Fckin amazing. Check this sht out.

Also… “The Talos Principle” is a much better puzzle game. Battleborn, while it has… puzzles… like figuring out ways around level glitches and figuring out why you keep getting disconnected… those puzzles aren’t as satisfying as the puzzles here. Also, this game has explosions, which is a definite improvement over The Beginner’s Guide. That said… it gets all preachy and up it’s own ass with messages. Plus, I don’t picture God as computer that’s super into Tetris. I picture God as A GLORIOUS SOARING FLAMING EAGLE!!! BECAUSE THAT’S MORE AWESOME THAN A COMPUTER PROGRAM!!! Which is why I love the Milton Library Assistant so much. Oh… he hates that guy. I super wanna see that smug supercomputer DIE. Like ISIC in The Algorithm.

Now… just being honest, I haven’t finished the game yet, and it’s certainly not because I’ve been working on this one puzzle for 6 weeks and cannot find the solution and REFUSE to ask for help (because that would be surrendering), it’s just because I’ve been… um… busy…

That said, Battleborn lets me blow sht up and murder Varelsi, which I can’t do in The Talos Principle. Plus, again, I can taunt, and I can express my opinion to real, out of game people, and not with a bunch of pre-selected QR codes. So while the graphics are pretty, and the puzzles make me feel smart WHEN I solve them, and I will solve that fcking puzzle, Battleborn wins.

Plus… the steam charts for this game aren’t much better than Battleborn’s.

Now onto Battleborn’s REAL competition, Starbound

Starbound, while it’s graphics are not as great as Battleborn, has more Aviants, which automatically makes it a better game because of my own personal bias. But aside from that… it is a COMPLETELY open world. You can LITERALLY do whatever the hell you want, build a house out of eyeballs, kill local wildlife with rockets, explore space, do WHATEVER MAN!!! HELL, YOU CAN EVEN WHIP OUT AN ELECTRIC GUITAR AND DO A SICK METAL RIFF WHILE TEABAGGING THE CORPSE OF YOUR SLAIN ADVERSARY!!!

Plus, you have some jackass in the story… like Kluex or something, I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention, who clipped off your fckin’ wings, and YOU GET TO KILL THE MOTHERFCKERS WHO WORSHIP HIM FOR IT!!! DIE YOU WING EATING F*CKERS!!!

Plus have you seen the Steam charts for this b*tch?

Damn. I think it’s clear who the real winner here is. I’m sorry BB. Even though you have me in it, which is better than 99.9% of all the other games out there, including Battleship (yeah the board game), Starbound is the clear winner. It has Co-op. I can say whatever the hell I want to whoever I want. I can do whatever I want. I can make a house out of eyeballs and kill f*cking a**holes with rockets. Virtually the only other advantage you have is graphics. Starbound also kicks the ass of “The Beginner’s Guide” and “The Talos Principle.”

Starbound FTW.


We have enough BB vs threads here.

1 Like