The story continues…
(One hour, two fistfights and seven broken teeth later… The blimp shaped ship of ECHO News Network lands on Pandora)
Mike: Pandora… The last place I ever wanted to be.
Technician#1: Where did you land us?
Technician#2: At one of the Crimson Raiders outposts… Roland’s Rest. The guy in charge Vaughn is with them. He’s might know someone who can fix the reactor.
I’m starving. Is there any food out there?
Technician#1: Only if you want to contract Botulism.
It does sound like a fine fondue.
(The entire crew facepalms, again)
(Early Pandora morning, sun rises, crew of four open their ships entry hatch. In search for help, their encounter with gore has just begun.)
(They are horrified by what they see, frozen, unable to move…)
(The outpost burned to the ground, smoke rising towards the sky, the statues of Roland and Bloodwing tipped over, splattered in blood. Mangled and chopped bodies of Crimson Raiders, COV, local residents and wildlife liter the barren Pandora’n landscape.)
(A Crimson Raider was impaled on the wheel of a technical, as his skull became part of the dashboard. A local’s neck was sticking out from a gas tank. A COV cultist was sawn in half. A festering Bullymong lay rotting with its limbs torn. A recently skinned thresher still emits heat after burned alive. A pile of skags with their heads torn open. A Goliath hanging from the tree, by his intestines. It was a sight of sadistic butchery.)
(Then, they hear the most horrifying, blood-chilling, glutaral scream. A scream powerful enough to separate souls from their bodies, a scream the devil himself fears, a scream that can kill ten-thousand Vault monsters…)
Technician#1: HOLLY F*****G SKAG-HUMPER!!!
Technician#2: BACK IN THE SHIP!!! BACK IN THE SHIP!!!
(The crew ran into their ship and barricaded themselves faster than, when your wife tells you “Honey! It’s the police and they have a search warrant. And those two hundred kilos of cocaine are still on the table in the living room.”)
S**t!!! We have to get out of this place!!!
HELLO! ANYONE?! THIS IS CHUCK STAKE!!! I’M STRANDED ON PANDORE WHERE SOMETHING IS KILLING THE ENTIRE PLANET EVEN MORE THAN USSUAL! PLEASE SAVE ME!!! I’M TO OLD AND UGLY TO DIE!!!
Mike: Chuck, that’s a banana you’re talking into.
Oh… Never mind. Then I’ll curl myself into fetal position and suck my thumb.
Technician#2: (groan) Let me handle this…
ALERT! THIS THIS IS ECHO NEWS NETWORK TRANSMISHION SHIP. WERE STRANDED ON PANDORA AND NEED HELP FIXING OUR REACTOR CORE. BE AWARE THAT SOME UNKNOWN KILLING MACHINE IS DESTROYING EVERITHING ON THE PLANET (HARD AS IT IS TO BELIVE…).
(Complete silence, even the usual white noise isn’t present)
Technicia#2: Alert! Did anyone hear me?!
Technician#2: Is this thing working? (Starts to disassemble the two-way radio…)
Technician#2: What the…?! TACOS?!?!
UHHHHH, I’ve been looking all over for them.
Technician#2: I’ll kill you…
(Technician#2 strangles Chuck until Mike intervenes)
Mike: Stop It, both of you! We can kill him latter, but right now we have to avoid getting killed by whatever is out there!
Technician#2: (mumbles) Fine…
(Then the ship shakes violently, turning on her side, then on her head… Something must have rammed at it. But what is powerful enough to flip over thousand tons of metal?)
Technician#1: Urrrrrrr… Anyone still alive?
Mike: I think I’ve broken a bone… Or all of them.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! My beutifull haircut is ruined!!! How am I now supposed to go on a date!!!
Mike: That does It! I quit! No money in the existence can compensate to clean after your whiny ass!
Technician#1: Here’s my previous paycheck… Shove it up your ass! I quit too!
Technician#2: Eat s**t, Chuck!
Wait! You can bee serious to abandon me at a time like this!
Mike: Watch us…
(The squabble was interrupted when a sound of a chainsaw started revving, then the entire ship started to vibrate as if someone is cutting a hole on the hull. And for some weird reason a laser beam started shooting from someplace!)
Technician#1: Hold on… First a chainsaw, now vibration and a freaking laser beam?! What the hell is going on here?
(Then Chucks conscience’s returns him in the past when he interviewed Gaige, and recalls her saying: “You know what else he was working on? A freaking chainsaw buzz-axe, with lasers!”)
(Chuck went pale, his irises shrunk, his blood turned into ice, paralyzed by fear. He spent the last bit of his sanity to mutter one word…)
………. It………It……………. It………………It’s Krieg!
Mike: K-Krieg?!?!?! (Pulls out his gun and shoots himself in the head)
Technician#1: K-Krieg?!?!?! (Drinks a bottle of rat poison)
Technician#2: K-Krieg?!?!?! (Grabs a long knife and guts himself. Where did he even get that knife?)
(From a short distance a loud clang of falling metal is heard, followed by a dreaded nonsensical rant)
Krieg: I’M GONNA SLIT YOUR THROAT AND SHOVE MY MEAT BYCICLE DOWN THE WOUND!!!
(Chuck, now standing alone among the bodies of his co-workers, still can’t move, sweat starts dropping from his forehead as heavy stomps echo louder and louder… Interrupted by occasional rants.)
Krieg: NIPPLE SALAD!!!
(THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP…)
Krieg: RESHAPING HUMAN FACIAL TISSIUE!!!
(THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP…)
Krieg: I RIP OUT YOUR EYES AND SQEZE THEM IN MY HAND!!!
(THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP…)
Krieg: THE BOVINE HUMAN HEARD… THEY DESERVE TO DIE!!!
(A large silhouette enters the studio. Krieg takes a few steeps forward as the flickering lights reveal his blood and gore splashed body, with an equally bloodied chainsaw buzz-axe!)
(on his knees, stuttering) P-p-pleas-s-se d-d-don’t k-kill m-me!
Krieg: BLEED FOR MY PAIN!!! SCREAM AT MY FACE!!!
PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU!!! I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT! MONEY, BITCHES, CARS, MEAT…
Krieg: MEAT-MAN WANT’S PRETTY LADY BACK!!!
Y-Y-Y-You mean Maya? I-I-I don’t k-know h-h-how to d-do t-that…
(Krieg mutates into a badass psycho; his voice deepens and sounds more glutaral)
Krieg: FIRE UP THE CHAINSAW!!!
(The chainsaw starts reving, he raises his buzz-axe as he towers before Chuck…)
NO!!! MOMMY!!! PLEASSSSEEEE-
(Without a word, Krieg stepped forward and swung. Chuck raised his left arm to block, but the buzz-axe sliced through. The chainsaw slit in-halve the head first, and continued to cut him in down the middle, ripping his flesh and pulverizing bones.)
Krieg: KIIIILLLL!!! KIIIIILLLL!!! KIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!
Orbiting Pandora, an Atlas shuttle with Zer0 on boar descends to the planets surface. Meanwhile he has a coversation with Gaige over the ECHOnet.
Gaige: “Any sight of Krieg?”
Gaige: “You have to be kidding me! A nine foot psycho who screams “nipple salad’s” should be easy to spot. Where the hell did he go? (groans) I have a bad felling about this.”
Gaige: “Can you send some of your spyes after him? We can cover more ground that way.”
Zer0: /Already done./ Ten on Pandora./ Since last week./
Gaige: “Great! Then patch us throu.”
Zer0: /Impossible./ Reports stoped coming./ 48 hours ago./
Deathtrap: (concerned robotic chater).
Gaige: “I’m with DT on this one. Zer0, tell your agents to evacuate!”
Zer0: /To late./ Heading to Pandora./ Will investigate./
Gaige: “On your own?! But what if you encounter Krieg?”
Zer0: / If he’s fallen to hate./ I will grant him peace./ An honoruble death./
Gaige: “Has your circuitry corroded?! You cannot face Krieg on your own! We don’t even know if all Vault Hunters combined would stand a chance against him!”
Zer0: /Better for one to fall./ Than all./
Gaige: “Zer0, no…”
Zer0: /Should I fail./Warn everyone./ And runn./
On some planet/ In Gaiges guerrila camp…
Gaige: Zer0… Zer0?! ZER0!!! Damnit! He broke off.
Deathtrap: (worried robotic chatter)
Gaige: I don’t know DT. If Zer0 fails… I fear for us all.
Gaige: Let’s hope that secret Maliwan Vault is not a big miss. If that fails…
Gaige: …All hope is lost.