I don’t know if I’m really allowed to post here, since I didn’t stop playing completely but only cut down on PvP and only play it even more rarely than before (I’m mostly PvEer but played PvP on one or two days a week and now only maybe once in two to three months).
The game became too much SRS BSNS.
When I started playing (open beta and preordered the DDE without a second thought after playing for an hour), there was the occasional salty player on the team, but it was easy to ignore them. People had a positive attitude, you could sometimes make a mistake and the worst reaction was “Don’t do that again, please!”, you won some matches, you lost some. It was fun and even as a solo queuer it felt like a game for me where ten people just come together to have some fun.
After a while the mood changed. I ran into more and more complainers, whiners and ragequitters. Worst experience for me was when I picked Attikus on Echelon (I needed a win there for the lore) and three others quit at character select after calling me “another stupid feeder”. Every match I played as a solo queuer ended in a surrender (sometimes even when we were in the lead) and I felt not welcome anymore (I can’t carry a whole team, I love to play the game, but having a job and a family to take care of means I can’t play that often to be amongst the top players). On the other hand just playing with some friends led to us winning matches without too much trouble most of the time (and when I played PvP again last week, this still is the case). I had fun in those matches, but seeing surrender attempts and disconnects from the enemy team made me feel like I’m chasing away players and I’ve become one who ruins the fun for other people.
I don’t want to be that person.
I’ve been through some stuff in life I don’t wish any other person to go through. I’ve lost almost everything that was dear to me to something I couldn’t do anything against and one of the things that kept me going was to learn to enjoy life again (and video games was one of the things to do that). I don’t want to have fun by ruining another persons day, they also should at least have a good time then. Seeing all the hate, frustration and hopelessness in PvP started to make me feel depressed. For my own and other peoples’ sake I had to do something. I’ve got a really concerened message from a friend if everything is alright with me, because I really was out of character on reddit for a while. I went from being the lighthearted joker to a raging maniac within seconds sometimes. That’s me IRL sadly and I can’t change that anymore even with professional help. But that’s a part of me I really want to keep away from the general public. I want to treat others with the respect they deserve, but I’d also like to be one of the few who try to lighten up the mood when everything gets too angry to help others not falling in the same hole of depression, frustration and helplessness like I’m in.
The final straw was when someone I’d thought of as one of the good guys was bragging with a scoreboard showing a face off match with “premade of the well known personalities from reddit/the forum” against a team of players who didn’t even have a loadout yet for the most part. Zero masks deposited, one player on the premades farmed for a pentakill and had something like 60 kills and then the ultimate taunt to give the enemy a pity win as the cherry on top. I felt sick just looking at that and I honestly didn’t want to play with and against people like that anymore. I don’t mind bragging, but calling yourself a top tier player and doing stunts like that and feeling proud of it is just disgusting.
Bots Battle came and I could enjoy the game again for a while (people played meme compositions, much small talk during the match, no raging), but lately this also turned into a mode where people are more concerned about faming bots than anything (I got hatemail for killing minions and ending the match too fast last week …).
I don’t know what to do again. I started a group to gather some people to play with (anything from PvE to PvP public and private) and I’m almost concerned again that “the Botstompers” end up as “the Pubstompers” in the eyes of the general public, but at least I hope that I could bring some people (new and experienced) together who never heard of each other before that way. Don’t know yet how it will turn out, but at least I tried to do something.
Tl;dr, I guess: PvP confronted me with people that made me turn into a person I don’t want to be in public. I had to stop PvP, when I couldn’t enjoy the game anymore because of feeling guilty for either causing a loss and ruining the match of my team or winning and ruining that of the enemy team. I want to play a game where everyone can have a good time, but PvP seems to be no such place anymore.