#99

James the Janitor: Nah mate ■■■■ that.

Jaques: What the hell?

Nigel: I’m allergic to pineapple though!

Josh: You heard the man Booger, get out of here.

2 Likes
#100

BOOGER, THE ■■■■ UP INTERN:
Oh, c’mon guys! My acne’s not that bad! I mean I can only do this six times a day!

He squeezes his face.
Ok. So… you know… like… how when you squeezed Play-Doh through shape grids as a kid it would make… like… a snake like… yeah. It’s… it’s ■■■■■■■ horrifying.

1 Like
#101

Everyone in unison: f*ck this sh!t I’m out!

1 Like
#102

SAD MAN: I’ve got unlimited credit, and I don’t feel much like talking. I want vodka. Straight. Rocks. And I don’t want them to stop.

the Sad Man slaps an LLC Ultra Platinum “No Limits No Questions” credit card down on the bar top. The card is so black it seems to absorb all visible wavelengths of light

#103

Bartender Damien: I’ll get started.

1 Like
#104

the Sad Man begins to drink, slamming down one vodka after another and seeming to be completely unaffected by the raw alcohol entering his system so quickly. He pulls out a tablet and a light stylus and begins writing, manically, obviously very focused on the contents of whatever story he is putting together on the screen

#105

Damien: Why do write like you’re running out of time?

#106

the Sad Man slams another drink. He regards the Bartender first with rage at being interrupted, but his expression softens as the efficient employee instantly has two more vodka rocks ready and waiting in front of him

SAD MAN: I discovered woefully late that writing does an amazing job of keeping the demons at bay. I have wronged a great many people, and I am hoping to reach them with then my words. If not to have them forgive me, at least to help them understand.

#107

Damien: That’s deep.

1 Like
#108

SAD MAN: As deep as the fiery crevasses of Hell, and just as painful for those unlucky enough to get to know me. This in an…interesting place. How did it come into being?

#109

JENNA THE SLUT:
Ex-cuse me? I got that sh*t trademarked! An’ I got the cushionin’ an’ the STDs to make it a guarantee!

BOOGER, THE ■■■■ UP INTERN:
SOLD!

2 Likes
#110

SAD MAN: (slamming another vodka drink down and looking gloomily up from his writing) Hmmmm. Intriguing. Long have I been looking for a companion as filled with self loathing and lack of self worth as myself. Join me?

#111

JENNA THE SLUT:
Bitch, please! I am diseased, I got a big ‘ol flabby ass, an’ I am PROUD. Don’t be hatin’ just cuz ya ain’t never had herpes, gonorrhea, or “the clap.”

She claps, then slowly and “seductively” leans into his face.

JENNA THE SLUT:
Mmmmmmm… but ya could… for a price… ya know what I’m sayin’?

BOOGER, THE ■■■■ UP INTERN:
I’VE ALREADY OFFERED YOU LIKE FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!

JENNA THE SLUT:
I DON’T ACCEPT MONOPOLY MONEY FOOL!!!

1 Like
#112

Damien: Neither does McDonald’s but he still tries.

1 Like
#113

SAD MAN: (flashing Jenna the blacker-than-black LLC Ultra Platinum “No Limits No Questions” credit card) Have you ever seen one of these before? I assure you, money is no object. Damien, one of whatever the Lady would like, and keep them coming, please.

#114

Damien: Alright, just need her order.

1 Like
#115

JENNA THE SLUT:
I’d like a big gulp of motor oil an’ lard, an’ some Juicy Fruit Watermelon Starbursts. PRE-chewed…

1 Like
#116

Damien: I’ll have Booger start on that order…

1 Like
#117

BOOGER, THE ■■■■ UP INTERN:
BUT THE MCDONALD’S WON’T ACCEPT MY CURRENCY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET AMPLE LARD FOR A BIG GULP?

Booger sobs at the unfairness of life.

1 Like
#118

SAD MAN: What a pathetic creature! Is this…(disdainfully) Booger…not having real money all that is keeping me from entertaining my new companion’s desires? I will cover his expenses, within reason.