Um, ■■■■. Accidentally posted this before i finished. How do I remove it?! Wasn’t sure if I actually WAS going to post it. ■■■■.
So, I thought Galilea got ninja buffed…
and made up this story for how it happened…
An Oscar Mike walks into the Battlebar, with a brown hood covering his face. Every Battleborn has gone to the Battlebar at least once. Some more than others. Some for a simple cup of tea, but this is besides the point. OM meets another equally shady figure at a DARK and SHADY corner of the Battlebar, who also is wearing a hood. They reveal themselves to be another Oscar Mike clone, who is wearing a blue & red armor. They both sit, and order a drink.
“Alright, Lets talk businesses… S**T! I mean business!” said the real Oscar Mike.
“Shh! You’re gonna blow our cover!” said the blue Oscar Mike.
“Yo Mike! What’s up!” said Montana as he walked by and proceeded to order a drink.
The blue OM face-palmed.
“Oh what are you worrying about? No one pays attention to anyone who they aren’t directly punching in this place.” said the real OM as he pointed to the rest of the patrons in the Battlebar.
Sure enough, every other occupant at the Battlebar, was too busy fighting and/or drinking to pay attention to them.
Blue OM sighed, and they resumed to talk business.
“So, we both know why we’re here…” said Blue OM.
“Yup,” said OM.
“Did you bring the package?” said Blue OM.
“Yuuup.” said OM as he brought out a package.
“…Why is it in a mail package?” said the Blue OM.
“Well, I thought making it an ACTUAL package would make it seem less suspicious.” replied OM.
“Ugh, whatever.” said Blue OM as he opened the package.
It was filled match data and the like, on one specific individual.
“This is just so frustrating.” said Blue OM.
“I know right?” said OM, “I mean she used to be a one woman wrecking crew!”
“Good times…” said Blue OM with a few nods.
“Yeah,” said OM, “The first nerf wasn’t so bad, but after the second she was just, meh.”
“Yup, according these photos across the forums, you basically have to have a healer to do anything.” said Blue OM.
“Or Ghalt.” said OM.
They both nodded.
“Here comes the HOOK!” said Blue OM.
“What happened to maintaining our cover?” said OM with a sneer.
“Sorry. Got a little carried away.” said Blue OM, “Now, back on topic. We got to fix this.”
“But how? We don’t even know how this buffing and nerfing stuff works?! It’s like, it just happens suddenly and they’re never the same again.” said OM.
“Yes, but I have a plan.” said Blue OM, “NINJA BUFF.”
“…say what? How?” said OM.
“EXACTLY. We will do it SO sneakily, they won’t see it coming. We can’t buff something obvious like her damage or skill stuff, they’ll see that coming.” said Blue OM.
“You still didn’t say how?” said OM
“Simple, they must do the nerfing and stuff with some sort of serum.” said Blue OM.
“What?! How are we gonna’ do that, we can’t just become scientists or something?!”
(Cut to secret lab.)
“This is too easy!” said OM as he used introduced a chemical into his mixture with a turkey baster.
BOOOOOOM! went their shack/lab as it exploded. The OMs were all but char coaled.
Blue OM hovered over the serum, it was glowing radiantly.
“The ultimate ninja buff is even more ultimate.” said Blue OM.
Luckily for Blue OM, only his back was char-coaled since he was at the lab table opposite checking data. The real OM wasn’t as lucky.
“Can’t see a damn thing!” said OM as he ran around in panic, his face and front burnt to a crisp by the blast.
“Now,” said Blue OM, “We just have to somehow give this to Galilea without her or anyone else noticing.”
“How are we gonna do that?! (UGH)!” said OM as he hit a crumbled wall.
“Hmm, I’ve got it!” said Blue OM.
(Cut to the Mess hall.)
“So,” said OM, “How do we do this? I mean, what does she even eat? How do we know which food to put it in?”
“I thought you would know?!” said Blue OM.
“WHAT?” said OM, “You’re the one who said you had an idea!”
Galilea walked into the mess hall, so both the OMs hid in the shadows.
She walked into the line to get her meal from Miko, who is the chef.
Miko looked at Galilea, then went to get something from the store rooms.
The Oscar Mikes were confused.
When Miko came back, it was with a roasted primal thrall that had an apple in it’s mouth.
“(UGH), Man down!” said OM as he dropped to the floor in disgust.
“Keep it together soldier! We got to do this!” said Blue OM.
Blue OM heard a crunch, and made the mistake to look.
“(BLEAGH)!” Blue OM barfed into the garbage can, “Man also down!”
Attikus walked in and gagged in disgust before requesting his meal.
Miko tossed his head in the frying pan. Lightly toasting it before giving it to Attikus.
“We will endure,” said Miko as he gave the mushroom head to Attikus with a bow.
“What the hell is wrong with this place!?” said OM.
“Never mind that!” said Blue OM as he recovered, “We got to get the buff into the food!”
“How!?” asked OM.
“Hm, I’ve got a plan, again… but you’re not gonna like it!” said Blue OM.
“Ah man…” said OM, “Please tell me it’s not a distraction.”
“Well, that actually wasn’t what I was thinking at all, but that’s a great idea!” replied Blue OM as he shoved OM out into the room.
OM stood there in panic. He had to think of something.
“Gotta get Galilea away from the thrall, and keep everyone distracted long enough for Blue OM to put it in the… food,” thought OM.
His idea struck.
“This better be worth it!” OM thought to himself.
Blue OM watched from under a table as OM walked up to Galilea, and punched her in the face.
“What the hell! He’s gonna die, and then respawn, and then die again!” said Blue OM.
Galilea got up from her seat, and then kicked OM across the room.
Everyone else turned attention as the fight ensued. Although, it wasn’t really a fight. It felt more like a chicken running from a rampaging bull.
“Wait, this is my perfect opportunity!” said Blue OM, as he snuck over to the primal thrall and injected it with the buff serum.
“Maybe I should’ve brought my gun!” said OM as he ran.
Thankfully for OM’s sake, Ghalt walked into the room and stunned Galilea and OM with a trap.
“What the hell is goin’ on!?” said Ghalt, “Is this really the time to be fighting each other?! We’re supposed to be a team!”
“Oscar Mike was the idiot who started it!” said Galilea.
Ghalt looked at Oscar Mike with a large eyebrow raise.
“Oh man, you walked into this one, Mike. You’re gonna have deal with this yourself.” said Ghalt as he walked away.
“Captain I’ll never forgive you!!!” said OM as he was thrown out of the window by Galilea.
“Your sacrifice will be remembered…” said Blue OM with a salute.
OM spawned again, but Galilea was waiting for him. This time she brought her sword.
“S***!” cursed OM as he was killed again.
Galilea put her sword down, and resumed eating her meal.
“Objective complete,” said Blue OM.
Blue OM realized that the real OM was still on the ground, so he went over to assist him.
“So, you’re still alive, right?” asked Blue OM as he picked up OM and threw him over his shoulder.
“No, (HERGH)!” said OM as he spawned again, “Now, I’m alive.”
“I’m starting to think this was a mistake,” said OM as he held his stomach.
“Wait, the plan, or you punching Galilea in the face?” said Blue OM.
“A bit of both…” said OM.
I’m beyond embarrassed.
Can I die now?