I Lack The Skills To Pay The Bills - Reflections On Battleborn & Me!

This is going to be a long, rambling, weirdly personal, and probably overly emotional post - fair warning!

So.

Been playing Battleborn since open beta, Platinum Trophy long ago, almost 1500 hours into the game, coming up on 6000 matches, blah blah blah you’ve heard it all before.

So the point I find myself at is this one - I am a good player.

A damn good player.

I know this.

I know every map like the back of my hand (ok, not the Supercharge maps, yet), I know where myself and my teammates need to be, I know what needs to be done, and when, I always have plenty of assists (passed 35 thousand assists a short while ago), I’m no slouch at securing kills (Angel of Death & Worthy of Song long since achieved), I always keep my team in FatBots and Buildables, etc.

And yet.

AND YET!!!

My confidence and self esteem take multiple blows, and I start to feel stupidly resentful, almost every single time I play Battleborn.

Why?

Let me tell you why.

I seem to have hit a skill cap.

For whatever reason, I just can not seem to get much better than I currently am.

I try.

God knows I try.

I don’t know what it is.

Admittedly, I am no longer a young gamer (turning 34 in 5 days, sheesh) and I have been smoking pot almost every day and drinking faaaaar too frequently for, oh, 21 years now, so I know for a fact that my reflexes and hand eye coordination are nowhere near what they used to be, so there’s that.

I do not have the twitch reflexes and split second responses (not to mention steady aim, my hands shake some) for those crazy jumpy 360 no scope headshot shenanigans.

Honestly, though, this has not been simply limited to Battleborn for me, but basically everything I’ve ever been involved in that involved reflexes and hand eye coordination.

Sports (used to be hard into sports til 18-19ish) I was always mediocre to perhaps slightly above average.

Musical instruments? I can play bass and guitar really badly.

Cooking? I worked in kitchens for two decades (more or less), and was always slower / less efficient than a good portion of my coworkers.

Videogames?

I remember getting owned by my friends as far back as Pong. YES PONG!!!

BUT!!!

Put an esoteric, intellectual challenge or something involving computers in some fashion in front of me and I will OWN THAT ■■■■!

I’ll pump out poetry, short stories, reviews, wordy, long Internet posts like no one’s business.

I guess it’s a left brain versus right brain thing?

Is that still even a thing?

Anyway, here is how it is affecting me currently (actually, for a looooooong time):

My group of Battleborn friends (which is a VERY large group, but there are about twenty people whom I consider close, trusted, long-term, personal friends who I chat with, am on mic with, and play with a lot), happens to be composed of some the very best players on PSN.

The chats and communities I am (either those started by myself or those that I have been added or invited to) are filled with even more of the cream of the crop players.

Add on to that the fact that the (relatively) small remaining playerbase in Battleborn possesses a crazy high average skill level.

As well, I know for a fact that a significant portion of the Battleborn community regards me as “the nice guy who knows everyone but isn’t all that good”.

Even some of my friends have admitted to this, but they are awesome and kind enough to play with me anyway.

So, knowing this, why do I still feel so angry / sad / left out / resentful / jealous when I see people getting invited to play before me or I don’t get invited at all?

Or when I see games and sessions with a lot of people I know that I just blatantly wasn’t told about?

I know it isn’t anything personal.

I know a lot of people like me.

I know people just want to have the best chance at winning.

I understand that my chats and communities and unwavering devotion to bringing and keeping the PS4 community together and strong are known and respected.

Hell, even seeing / reading my friends tell each other / post about their advanced skills and epic battle achievements makes me feel envious / sad, like, oh why can’t I do stuff like that?

Now, I know I’m 3000 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag; lifelong (well I guess since puberty) depression, anxiety, self esteem issues, etc, etc.

I am fairly certain I suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder (as well as probably a couple others), which is, essentially, the pathological need to be constantly liked, loved, included, accepted, validated, reassured, and made to feel wanted.

And if you don’t get those things?

Like, constantly?

You feel petty damn sad.

So…uh…yeah.

This has gotten pretty long!

I guess what I am trying to say is that despite my apparently massive inferiority complex, I love you guys, I love these forums, and I love this game.

It’s a huge testament to the love and awesomeness that abound in this community that I can even come out and make a post like this!

Now…go to town on my fragile psyche!

Ummm…be gentle?

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Chortles maliciously while rubbing flippers together.

You also SMELL LIKE A GULL!!

Oh my God…! I’m sorry, i-i was just joking! Honest! Oh man, PLEASE don’t hate me!

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You know what’s the secret on how to improve yourself, still? Play the game less. I guarantee you that if you play a game at least/only half the time you usually play or play other games instead - you will kinda refresh yourself and your mechanical instincts. If you play 1 game mostly, you create habits and sometimes those habits make your reactions perform on automatic (without thinking a second), that’s when you start to feel no real progress in your performance.

I haven’t played much Battleborn lately, but I played Quake Champions/PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds quite a bit. At least Quake Is much more fast paced compared to Battleborn. When I launched Battleborn several days ago, I picked Mellka, and wow, the difference in my aim and awareness is better than ever before! Everything felt so … easy. Easy to aim, easy to hit, easy to stay on a target even at longer distances.

I’ll be 32 pretty soon, but I still see that I perform very… pretty good in FPS games.

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A tip from my knowledge of you

quit being reactive, if you’re reacting to things your opponent is setting the tempo and you’ll always be a step behind, anticipate whenever possible, if you’re in a group then you don’t need to be the force they’re reacting to necessarily, but the enemy can’t set the pace of engagement at all

anger and resentment are part of human nature, if you try to deny the existence of negative you let it fester and grow out of proportion.

Regularly you do, but you’re blowing it off like nothing when you’re helping to move forward. Do you think moments like that are common without a support system(meaning other characters contributions in a myriad of ways)?

One team one fight is a thing also,

think of how many people go running out feeding an enemy team looking for glory and kills, better to have someone competent with a solid skill set and a decent head on his shoulders than an idiot with talent

Edit: in line with the tip about trying other games(which I noticed you have been good on you) I’ve been playing killing floor 2 with a friend from the service and I came back to battleborn and I’ve been doing much better with some characters I was merely proficient with

Try new things learn new perspectives and come back at it

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You need to play more as a solo player to improve your skills. Under premades you use less skills because you depend on others to support you. As a solo player, you’re more on guard. You have to take the initiative to carry your team while always being on the look out for a flanking enemy.

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@RayLightning

I’ve been solo’ing 80 percent of the time for the last 2-3 months, have definitely learned a lot.

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34?! Dayum! Happy Early Birthday since I probably will forget

I’ve played with/against you enough to know what you mean. You might have the knowledge of the game, but you don’t seem to take the game too seriously. You die? You died. You don’t seem to let it bother you too much from what I’ve seen which is both a good and a bad thing. Good because it helps you not lose your head due to poor performance, bad because it makes you reckless and thus a liability to your team.

You like Ernest? Yet you play him incorrectly (sorry) by not only always being in the front of the front-lines, but not knowing AT ALL when you should retreat; Dead Birbs everywhere. I think your games would improve exponentially if you work on your map awareness and positioning, I mean it will help you A LOT. I’m half-blind and my map-awareness is almost non-existent but that has made me a very cautious player and I don’t run off on my own too often. I’m easily ambushed so I rely on my team to constantly warn me about sh*t and their positioning. I perform much better in a team that helps me by covering my crappy Map Awareness. S’why I don’t play Solo too often.

With Galilea you seemed to have done better for yourself than you did at the beginning of your BB career BUT (sorry again) That was probably due to Gali’s innate brokenness at the time rather than your actual skill. Now that she has been stripped of a lot of her innate power, you are starting to realize where you are lacking.

But yeah! I admire the fact you’re so resistant to your own short-comings as a BB player, but don’t conform to that! Don’t think you’re at a skill cap that you can’t surpass because you can. I mentioned 2 things that are your biggest problems, not sure if you were aware of them, or if others have let you know; BUT if you didn’t know and this is the first time you’re hearing this, go fix those 2 aspects of your games “Map Awareness” and “Positioning” and you should do infinitely better. You may not be getting all the kills (That involves aim and other character skill/damage/immunities knowledge etc) but you won’t be feeding/dying as much.

Hope I helped a bit without being too harsh.
And have a good week leading up to your B-Day you old son’a’va

ease up on the pot a bit too. Drugs are bad, Mmmkay?"

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Not to be critical but I agree. I’ve seen you @FlamesForAll, along with other well known forum members lack these skills. Even some that are considered great players (on this forum) show this vulnerability on recorded clips. Heck even I don’t always use them. It’s tiring to always be aware of your surroundings but it significantly improves your gameplay.

Maybe, you can ask your online friends to train you. Sometimes we need a trainer to push us and improve ourself. Even on virtual games.

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@Rabid_Explosions

At the risk of sounding like a forgetful stoner jerk, who are you on PSN again?

:grin::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::sunglasses:

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This^. Take a page from Goku’s book, and ALWAYS strive to go

#EVEN FURTHER BEYOND!!!

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For being 34-35, and you’re hella good… that alone is impressive.

Also, we love you. So you have that.

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@meltedcow

:100::heart:️:heart_eyes::innocent::heart_eyes_cat::+1::heartpulse::sun_with_face::dart::gift_heart:

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At least I know now that I’m not the only mid 30 in this game. :stuck_out_tongue:

Always remember: Don’t drink and dive!

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@wrriddle

Drink and dive - BRILLIANT!!!

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Also, to people who I have not personally @ responded to, I have read all your comments and THANK YOU GUYS LOVE YOU!!!

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@FlamesForAll I OFFERED YOU COUNTLESS TIMES THAT I’LL TRAIN YOU !!! Yo wtf
I took 2 weeks off bb btw but you can contact me

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I suck at BB. I suck at probably every video game in existence. (Except for that one track on Redout, so long as I’m flying a specific ship with two specific powerups. I’m weirdly good at that.)

But I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - sometimes, it’s fun being terrible. You don’t have to be good at games to enjoy them.

Also why I enjoy Dark Souls.

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Fail, and then reflect upon your failure until you have ceased being incompetent. By this method perfection shall be achieved.

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@lequizachris

Noooos training is hard and requires work and effort and concentration and focus!

smokes huge bowl, drinks bottle of vodka, passes out

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DISCLAIMER:
Do NOT take this^ advice into consideration if you are rock-climbing, or participating in any other real-life activity that can result in death.

Actually, death IS perfection, so… ?

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