If Our Battleborn Heroes Had To Get Real Jobs!

Flames is hyper.

Flames can’t sleep.

Flames’ brain is full of silly, random ideas.

So…I put this question to you:

Let’s say an incredibly unlikely and convoluted series of events occur that ends with our Battleborn being thrust, through a tear in space and time, directly onto Earth, in the very near future.

They are forced to abandon all their instruments of combat and destruction and settle down into normal civilian roles, to try to blend in to normal, everyday society.

This means they have to get normal, everyday jobs.

Let’s assume that NOVA and their ship, NOVA, came through with them.

NOVA is able to craft ultra realistic disguises to make the more…unusual looking…of our Battleborn appear like regular humans approximately their same size/shape.

Or maybe they would venture out into the world exactly as they are and take their chances…?

Up to you all and how you decide to play it.

So…what kind of jobs could we see the Battleborns getting?

I’ll start with a few ideas I had:

Rath - bladecrafter, coffin salesman, actor typecast as “Vampire Guy”, classical violin instructor

Alani - lifeguard, swim instructor, Valley Girl bimbo mall clerk, bathing suit model, inept pants tester

El Dragon - Luchador, MMA fighter, Mexican gangster, bullfighter

Oscar MIKE - a 100 percent loyal and committed civil servant; mail man, police officer, court Bailiff, traffic cop, etc

Benedict - male stripper, male prostitute, offensive comedian, B movie actor, porn star, drunk, washed up 80s glam rock band ex-lead singer

Kleese - a CEO or President (position acquired through incredibly shady means) of a huge, powerful, terribly corrupt, multinational, global corporation, incredibly grumpy tenured Professor at some ancient and out of date University

Phoebe - robotics engineer, ballroom dance instructor, fencing instructor

Mellka - edgy comic book store / porn store / headshop clerk, grumpy but hot server, starving author, tattoo artist, Portlandia extra

Reyna - stripper, overly dramatic telenovela actress

Kelvin - portable air conditioning unit

Montana - circus strongman, bodybuilder, weightlifter, personal trainer, cat-sitter

ISIC - evil genius criminal mastermind, Neitzsche-esque philosopher, criminal lawyer (like a lawyer who is also a criminal)

Whiskey - also a male stripper, private military contractor

Beatrix - super creepy nurse / doctor / surgeon

Ambra - Prime Minister of Italy, melodramatic soap opera star, tanning salon owner, professional shirt-tucker-in and fashion consultant

Ghalt - hooker (I couldn’t resist! :+1::joy::stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::heart:️)

Can’t wait to hear you guys’ ideas!


I swear to The Great Eagle, if ANYONE says that Toby would end up in a petting zoo…




Toby - petting zoo exhibit, kipper gatherer and bird / marine animal feeder at a zoo (promptly fired for eating all the kippers himself), angry but funny sidekick on a low budget TV sitcom


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How the f*ck does one gather kippers? He’s not a squirrel, and kippers don’t grow on trees!

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Uh…I guess he’d be responsible for ordering them in bulk from companies, accepting the deliveries, opening all the tins or whatever containers, putting them in buckets, feeding them to the animals?


Seems legit.

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Dream job for Tobes, really.

Too bad he couldn’t resist embezzling kippers!

You’re kind of pent up, aren’t you.

Ghalt: Hookshot instructor, High wire repair technician

Beatrix: Special effects technician (HR Giger style)

Reyna: Extreme field trip tour guide

Mellka: Amateur boxer, professional protestor, parkour instructoe

Toby: Professional gamer, prosthetic designer

Benedict: Blue Angel

Boldur: Bear correspondent

Galilea: Hot Topic spokeswoman

Kid Ultra: First responder

Thorn: Poacher annihilation



Haha, great ones!

Pent up, huh?

Do you mean I need to get…LEI’D???


Funny and plausible… But that isn’t his true calling…

How do i know? Go take a look at the “Master of Toby” title’s sultly-looking icon, cross reference it against this gif of his lobby animation-


-and tell me he isn’t a male prostitute at heart… :smirk:

Call Toby! :smirk:


I meant to put male prostitute for BENNY, edited, thank you!


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A cook, obviously. Maybe a pianist! Maaybe a gun for hire.

Reynas a leader type, but also kind of like… A mom friend? Takes people she cares about under her wing. I think she might actually be good at working with troubled kids. With some unconventional guidance, of course.


Wait, but Melka is already a mercenary. Y’know a gun for hire? That’s a real job.

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Also…that is a lot of sex workers…



I believe they’re called “Private Military Contractors” now…

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Why, yes, yes it is!


You forgot the teen detectives/road show duo.

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You guys must fill in the rest of the cast!

I’ll post more randomly as I think of them!


Kid Ultra - Babysitter, Child Actor, police officer

Miko - Nurse, Chef, street pharmacist,

S&A - clown, magician/poltergeist, lead singer


Kleese could be a DJ.