Jurassic World: The Movie : The Game : Discourse Made me Make this Title longer

I have exceedingly low expectations for this movie, but so far the reviews have been evening to “middlin to good”. No immediate plans to see it, but I’m curious about user reviews. Anyone got to check it out yet?

@Cardholderdoe I did, last night better then the lost world, I would see it I didn’t look up reviews for the movie because I did that for avatar and I wasted my money. I saw the reviews after I saw the movie and didn’t agree with them. It does take a while to pick up but considering it’s 2 hours long so it doesn’t ruin the movie.

I thought by the thread title, there was another game apart from the Lego one.
Damn you.

cool edit 4 hours later, I forgot a t in thought ;-;

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That has been the only consistent thing I’ve seen - “Act 3 is ■■■■■■■ awesome”. People have said the build up was either too long or mediocre. But right now, user reviews are tilting higher than critic reviews, which I like.

Funny story about avatar though, cracked did a great feature the other day on how the legacy of avatar, one of the biggest grossing movies ever, would be the technology it made and not the art that resulted from that tech.

The hype is not real. This movie is horrible. For the love of god. Save yourself.

This is just… one example of the horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible horrible dialog in this movie. Posting the quote here to try and move it out of RTT.

But seriously, god. What a hot mess.

I don’t think I’ve walked out in a recent movie and said “holy ■■■■, even the editing was bad” like I have this thing.

What were your issues with the movie? I was entertained…

Edit: NINJA’D! First time on these new forums.

What’s weird to me is that… I’ll defend two, pretty vehemently. I feel like it takes a lot of heat it doesnt deserve because of a few dumb sequences in it.

That being said, I… I’m really just shocked at the pretty broad response of “it was a fun movie”. No. I had no fun. There wasn’t a character or sequence I was invested in. Some of the absolute shittiest writing I’ve seen in a few years, piled on top of mountains of CG that ranges from “pretty good” to “oh my god why did they not make ■■■■■■■ models for this movie”?

Weird, it has me getting ninja’d by you on my side. Your reply popped just as I was clicking “reply” on the below.

But really… name a thing. I know when people say that it’s usually flippant, but I have negative things to say about almost every aspect of the movie, so if there’s something you want me to expound on, I probably can.

I’ve not had this bad a time in a theater since Transformers 2.

Did you seriusly go in the cinema expecting a masterpiece, did you see the trailer?

So you had no fun?
Not even Chris Pratt riding a motorcycke with raptors?
Not even the monster brawl?

You can’t defend 2&3, watch them agian.

Ok, what specifically was wrong with the writing?

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to start an argument. Just curious to hear what you think.

Actually since the trailers have come out I have had the distinct impression that I wouldn’t like this movie. It seemed stupid, and campy, and made light of my glorious raptors. Then all the word of mouth started, people saying “the trailers don’t tell the story, they got the advertising wrong” and “this was actually pretty awesome!” which increased my interest enough to go “eh, why not, I’ll go take a shot at it?”

And then it was pretty much everything I was afraid it was going to be, and then moreso. Any joy I might have at monster fights (which… by the way, I don’t understand why people seem to think that JP was a big "monster-fightin’ franchise… we’re not exactly talking godzilla here, but whatever) was sucked away by all the things I hated about it.

I really don’t get how its getting such rave reviews.

Because bad movie=/=bad movie
The writing was pretty bad yes but agian fun movie.
I mean common it has the cheese beer belly evil military guy that nobody realises is evil!

If you wanted a realistic and well tought out park it would have enden instantly.
Oh no the big dinoweapon escaped what do we do?!
It’s okay, we are not stupid so we installed a failsafe in every dino that can shock them unconsius or kill them.
click, roar in pain, credits

I liked it…[spolier]quite a lot[/spoiler]

It had lots of cool dinosaurs, I thought the story was ok, it wasn’t a master peice of writing (and they don’t understand how DNA works) but I thought it was a good premise that they executed well.

I really liked seeing a functioning park, baby Triceratope rides for everyone!

My only complaint was the CEO and the head genetisist were really underused, they were interesting side characters.

Maybe it was just because I saw it with friends I hadn’t seen in months, but I had a great time watching this movie.

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In short, everything? Can I say that?

(spoilering all, I guess. This might take a minute)

To start, the pacing with the movie was ■■■■■■■ ludacris. Act 1 is mostly comprised of a forty-five minute info dump which is supposed to introduce the characters and allow for a little development before the action begins. It’s where the writers want you to get a feel for the characters, connect with them, make them important to the rest of the movie, while introducing important plot elements that will be important later on. It does almost none of that. Honest to god, I’m shocked at how little I cared about the movies protaganists. It starts by introducing the kids, and it does a decent job of outlining them and how they act through the rest of the movie, but leaves in important things and leaves out other things.

Great parallel - JP1. The kids are introduced very early on, you get a feel for their personalities in the very first scene they’re in when they interact with the other characters, Grant, Malcolm, Elle, and Gennaro. You find out things about the kids as the movie goes on (like a troubled home life), and why they act the way they do. You are basically “shown, not told”.

Compare to This Movie - Scene after seen of the teen being brooding and looking at girls, and the younger kid being very hyper, yet somehow more aware of the tension at home than his brother, who should be miles ahead of him in this category. But we’re going off track here.

The other characters get… less treatment. You get that Khan’s character is a naive, slightly eccentric billionaire with noble intentions. The movie beats you to death with the fact that D’onofrio’s character is every mustache twirling villain you’ve ever seen. These are lesser crimes to be sure, but really where it gets stupid is how little they put into prats character. You know almost nothing about him or his personal motivations except “used to be in the navy, likes raptors, he is also the hero”. Given even worse treatment is Howard’s character, who really the movie cant seem to decide early on if it wants to portray as an aloof anti-villian or “that girl character we should probably include”, but it’s pretty sure it wants everyone in the movie to ■■■■ on her chest at all times, so they stick with that.

(As a side note, if you didn’t wince during the first scene with pratt v howard, I don’t know what I can say. It was maybe the worst scene I’ve seen in some years.)

So all this information is laid out over the course of 45 minutes, and instead of building any kind of tension or character dynamic with the audience that would be useful later on, when we’re supposed to be rooting for these people, all you get is a general “get to the ■■■■■■■ dinosaurs scene”.

That’s just an example of the bad pacing in the movie, but in order to try and keep this somewhat short - oh god, the dialog. It was bad, just bad all around. The one liner’s pratt keeps spewing are eye rollingly horrible, and then Howard’s character… ugh. The sequence where she rolls up her shirt and pratt lampshades that she’s not going to make it through the park in heels (sidenote: she somehow, ridiculously does exactly that, even after the movie pointed out how fuckin stupid that notion was) was another particularly horrible moment. The kids for some reason get the best dialog (in that it’s really just not as bad as the rest. It’s not good, so by comparison…), with the villains constantly spouting just… the worst gibberish that could be put into their mouths.

“You act like I’m some kind of… mad scientist.”

Finally, the character development never really gets above the pile of garbage the movie spits out at you in the first 45 minutes, so we’re left with these mostly incomplete characters that offer no hook to the viewer right up until someone basically aims a T-Rex at the plot device and everything is good and right again.

And to cap it all off, we have the line that @Derch has been hounding me with.

"We stick together… for surviva- vomits blood again "

Mother of god why…

It occurs to me after typing that out that I didn’t even touch on the actual plot which was…

Y’know what. Plot gets a pass. I do that to other popcorn movies all the time.

waves hand


You didn’t once mentioned how it actually looked like a real amusement or how genius the bored of dinosaurs consept is or any of the orher good things.

It seems like you only focused one the bad things and missed the good things about the movie, it had cheesy character with cliches but it feelt like they did that on purpose.
I can see how some people wouldn’t like the cheesiness but to say there’s nothing good about the movie is a bit of an overkill.

Agian I went there to have fun with the movie and thats what I got, I also went there with the people I saw the first movies with which made the whole experience better.

As to the first part of it looking like a “real amusement park”… that actually sucked me out quite a few times, mostly because it doesn’t look like that. It looks like maybe a park that might be built sometime in the next 50 years, but most of the technology utilized is… way too expensive or exhorbant to be included in any theme park juncture right now. Everything seemed way too “clean”, I guess to contrast the chaos that would happen. Not to mention the safety issues.


The idea that the little hydro-bubble thingy can be driven by the passenger is… insane. We’ve all been to theme parks. Never mind all the “safety features” jimmy fallon was rambling about, we’re talking about letting people drive these things as they want out and about into what is pretty much a game reserve, with no guides or anything else. Violates a lot of common sense and a probably a lot of laws, unless we go back to book canon where they basically bought the island from costa rica and have defacto jurisdiction.

That’s nothing though to that one quick clip of the ■■■■■■■ Kaykers just roaming down the waterway right next to several ton creatures with literally no safety gear outside of a life jacket. It took a lot to not scream at the camera in that scene. In a world with thirteen warning labels on a salt shaker, that is a lawsuit waiting to happen, if it hasn’t already happened in universe.

I’ll get to your other point in the above quote in a minute.

I don’t feel I focused on them. I feel like they assaulted me mentally for the better part of two hours. And this is coming from a guy who likes popcorn flicks. I liked (not loved) avengers 2 this year. Mad Max was ■■■■■■■ amazing. I’ll watch Pac Rim any time it’s on. 300 is one of my favorite drunk movies. This falls short of literally… all of those, pretty destructively.

Now back to your thing.

Ok. If we go down this rabbit hole I want to go ahead and say that I had one theory, that may possibly save this movie. For me. Well, save is a strong word. But it would bring it up from a 3/10 to like a 5.5-6.5/10.

This theory is insane, and very very probably wrong, but it came to me as I was watching the ■■■■■■■ thing, and before I assault you with it, I’ll give you the premise so you can decide how far down you want to go.

deep breath

This movie is a parody of itself and the screenwriters were actively trying to make a bad movie as a satire of bad movies as a criticism of hollywood blockbusters today.

looks around, seeming twitchy, curling a tinfoil hat together with his magey hands

They are geneticaly making dinosaurs and even hybrids and you complain on it’s looking futuristic… which it really doesn’t

It agian seems that your complains are a lot of anger and you seem to straight up ignoring some good things, I get that you don’t like it and I can see why but you’re going a bit overkill.

Look, you said “you didn’t comment on how the theme park looked real”. If you want me to bitch about the plot and the simplistic view gene splicing, I can, but like I said. I gave the plot a pass, because I’m used to doing that in popcorn movies. If the movie wants me to pretend science is magic, I certainly can. I’m just not used to everything else being this bad.

Ignoring… no. Like I said, I have a theory (at least to the specific good thing you brought up). It’s really insane. But without that theory I really can’t make sense of the need to include some of the other dialog.

I don’t see the fun in this movie, I’d adamantly agree there, because… it wasn’t fun for me. Pac rim? Gloriously fun. This… not so much.