Like a Boss - Salvador style

I think this needs it’s own thread rather than being buried in the “what did you do in BL2 during your your most recent session?” thread.

Like a boss, adapted to Borderlands 2:

Mr. Salvador, thanks for coming to your performance review.
No problem.
So you’re in charge around here, is that fair to say?
Absolutely, I’m the boss.
Well, so take us through a day in the life of, “The Boss”.
Well the first thing I do is–

Talk to Lilith (like a boss)
Approve quest rewards (like a boss)
Lead a raid kill (like a boss)
Remember claptrap’s birthday (like a boss)
ReDirect damage (like a boss)
My own vault (like a boss)
Micro-manage inventory (like a boss)
Promote OP levels (like a boss)

Hit on Moxxi (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some slag damage (like a boss)
Call in a moxxi pizza order (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat slag (like a boss)

Harassment Lawsuit (like a boss)
No Promotion (like a boss)
5th of moxxi cocktails (like a boss)
■■■■ on Moxxi’s bar (like a boss)
Buy a gun (like a boss)
Threaten rage quitting (like a boss)
Oh ■■■■ man, I can’t ■■■■■■■ do it, ■■■■!

■■■■■ out (like a boss)
Puke on Moxxi’s bar (like a boss)
Jump off Sanctuary (like a boss)
Suck a bandit’s dick (like a boss)
Score some eridium (like a boss)
Crash my car (like a boss)
Suck my own dick (like a boss)
Eat some cash loss (like a boss)

Drop all my gear (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant varkidd (like a boss)
■■■■ his brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb terramorphus (like a boss)
Get thrown off the edge (like a boss)
Now I’m dead (like a boss)

Uh huh. So that’s an… average day for you then.
No doubt.
You lost all your gear and died.
Hell yeah.
And I think at one point there you said something about sucking your own dick?
Actually, I’m pretty sure you did.
Nah, that ain’t me.
OK, well this has been eye-opening for me.
I’m the boss.
Ya, I know, I got that. You said it about 400 times.
I’m the boss.
Ya, ya, I got it.
I’m the boss.
No, I heard you, see you later!
(like a boss)

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Samberg would be proud

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I reread it again. This part here made me laugh because of potential double meanings (giant varkidd could be Vermi and thefore a boss)

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