Microtransactions - as debated by the Battleborn themselves

(The Red Bar Observer) #1

This is the hot issue of the day, so it’s only fair we let the Battleborn express their own views. Captain Ghalt, take it from the top!

"Uh, sure. Microtransactions. Big topic. Serious issue. On the one hand, could be good. On the other, could be pretty bad. I’d say it’s about fifty-fifty.

Now, can anyone explain to me what the hell a ‘microtransaction’ is?"

“Perhaps it is witty reference to size of Montana’s head.”

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“No, you guys… sh*t. How do I explain this? When you charge a tiny amount for something, people don’t even really think of it as money anymore. So they pay up without thinking. And before you know it…”

“…the filthy destitutes are stripped of whatever meager funds they may still have! Superb!”

“Oh, c’mon, it doesn’t have to be that evil. It’s a bit like drinking shots. You get what you want in perfect, tiny doses, and eventually, you stop! Ideally because you know you’ve had too much, and not because you’ve passed out in a pool of Boldur’s vomit. And believe me, you know when it’s Boldur’s vomit.”

“What an absolutely vile analogy, Mellka, if not perversely compelling in its lurid awfulness. Much like the rest of you ghastly, grotesque degenerates…”

"Ooh, did I hear someone calling my name?

Me, I’m all for microtransactions. I’m for micro-anything! If I only had a working shrink ray, I could shrink a million robots to the size of atoms, and then mash together those robot-atoms to form a regular-sized robot… and then shrink that robot to the size of an atom!"

“Which is the size of Montana’s head, right? Haw! Benedict scores with the totally fresh one-liner!”


“Guys, back on track. This is serious. It could affect our very future. Granted, not in ways I comprehend or even vaguely give a sh*t about, but still… serious! Reyna, tell them again how serious it is.”

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“Yeah, serious. While we’re on the subject, I’d say that night we spent huddled up together on Bliss was a ‘microtransaction.’ Oh, sure, you blamed the cold for it, but—”

“So, sudden change of topic to protect both my friend and my gag reflex! Tell me, these micro-whatevers. What exactly are people paying for here?”

“According to my notes, the answer to that question is: skins. We can buy skins.”

"Skins? Skins are only the crinkly wrappers on the meat-filled skeletons that are sometimes, hilariously and incorrectly, referred to as ‘people.’ And you seriously want to pay for those? You really, honestly, truly want to pay for those? This is money that you could spend on anything else, literally anything at all, and you’d spend it on skins? The thought of your continued existence is enough to make me want to build a time machine, travel to every single nano-second in which I have existed, and in every one of those singular points of time, violently kill myself.

On the other hand, alternate taunts would be super neat! I would spend so much money on those."

“You know what? I’m done with this debate. Anyone want to call the result? For? Against?”

“Well, there’s some upsides, some downsides. When all’s said and done, I’d say it’s… a wash.

“F**k you.”

Ghalt's quick melee does 62.58% more DPS than Mellka's alt melee (and other fun facts!)
Micro transactions, yes please!
Who would you take to the BattleBall?
(Is this thing on?) #2

Methinks you’ve spent a lot of time playing this game… Brilliant!

(Bgfarmer85) #3

I love this so much after a day of negative people i need a laugh like this…they should hire you to write some dialogue for some dlc this is brilliant

(sbspalding@gmail.com) #4

If I could like this a million times I would.


Even if I had to click a million times to do it.



Haha Isaac’s stuff got me good :joy:

(Bgfarmer85) #6

bump more people need a laugh today


This is amazing. Love how you captured the characters so well. You have to laugh about this ■■■■ or you’d cry.

(Rick is my Spirit Animal) #8

Totally love this!!! :joy:
You made ISIC exactly as hillarious as he´s ingame!

(magyklyXdelish [XBone]) #9

isic. omg. this is perfect.

(Sc34sc) #10

not sure this works but man OP that is awesome.

(PsychoChocoChip) #11

“…Its a wash”
“F*ck you”

Absolute absolute absolute gold.

(Rick is my Spirit Animal) #12

Its so perfect!!!
Love this one most I guess

and as said, the ISIC lines are pure gold!

(No longer caustic!) #13

Do more! Do more!


Oh. My. Glob.

I read every line in each character’s voice. You managed to capture everything perfectly! That was amazing :joy:

stands up and starts a slow clap


Think We all agree. OP needs to do more. Seriously…More. Also I believe I broke the like button cause I smashed it so hard.

Well done.

(BansheeBacklash) #16

Best response to this announcement I’ve seen so far. Absolutely beautiful. I was actually ROTFLing. I would love to see something similar debated by the characters themselves, but alas, getting all the voice actors back together to read some lines for something minor such as this might be rather difficult.

(jestahmostwicked@gmail.com) #17

This. We needed this. From a developer. In a youtube video. That trademark wit, poking fun at themselves. Brilliant!

(Hobo4Lyfe) #18

Yeah, that’s good stuff. Bravo.

(lowlines - PS4) #19

This should be made into a visual comic. I’ve only played half of these characters but you have really captured the personality of all of them so well :joy:

(orionwannabe) #20

This was fantastic. Bravo. Really enjoyable. Laughed hard. Very creative. Great job : thumbsup: :thumbsup: