Oscar Mike Tries to Hire Pendles

Mess hall. Lunch time. Oscar Mike approaches Pendles holding a green tray loaded with UPR rations. Pendles has some kind of fancy looking lizard eggs on a crystal plate loaded with apple encrusted armadillo and some kind of blood wine in a crystal goblet. He clearly just completed a major contract and is showing off.

OSCAR MIKE:
(Loudly and slightly robotic.)
Hello Pendles. How are you fellow Varelsi hunter? Do you mind if I sit here next to you and have a normal, casual conversation just like anyone else would with a fellow soldier at chow time?

PENDLES:
(Sporting a broad grin as he reaches for his wine)
Of course, si’down my friend. Would ya like some armadillo? It’s quite good. I imported it from the outback of Ekkunar. Expensive. But, very, very worth it. Mmmm…

OSCAR MIKE:
Uh… no thanks. I prefer the UPR ration packs.

Oscar glances around quickly.

OSCAR MIKE:
(In a quieter tone)
I have a job for you.

PENDLES:
I see… ya want me to give someone the ol’ one, two special eh? Who is it? Cap’n Ghalt rub ya the wrong way? Galilea gettin’ to be a bit much? Ernest ridin’ yer ass too hard? Gotta say, I don’t envy yer 4:30 AM workout sessions.

OSCAR MIKE:
Uh… No… I get along just fine with all those guys… it’s… uh… it’s not any of them.

PENDLES:
Well out with it, whod’ya want killed?

Oscar Mike glances around again.

OSCAR MKE:
Benedict.

PENDLES
What? Ol’ Benny? What the hell ya want him dead for?

OSCAR MIKE:
Shh… keep it down. Montana can’t know. He likes the guy, and he’d never forgive me if he found out I murdered him. That’s why I need you.

PENDLES:
Ohhhh kay… so what’d he do to ya?

OSCAR MIKE:
He knows things. He knows that I’m a…
(Loud whisper)
Clone… He knows and I’m afraid he’s gonna spill the beans. He’s a huge loudmouth and he’s already using clone slurs around me like, “copy boy,” and “test tube baby.” It’s only a matter of time before everybody else catches on… I can’t have that. I can’t have the rest of the guys find out.

PENDLES:
Right… ok then… Listen… I’d love to help ya… but… Benny… Benny’s a special case. I don’t really like the guy either, but as far as my services are concerned… he’s off limits.

OSCAR MIKE:
C’mon man! You’re supposed to be the best executioner in the galaxy! And you’re scared of a loudmouthed bird??? You could rip him apart like a Christmas goose! Like a Thanksgiving turkey! Like a chicken dinner! Like a roasted pheasant! Like a… a… a… um… like an emu burger! WHY CAN’T YOU KILL THIS GUY FOR ME???

PENDLES:
Let’s just say… Benny’s sufferin’ more right now just bein’ Benny. Ya ain’t seen him the way I seen 'im. Ya ain’t seen 'im at rock bottom. And I can tell ya right now… when ya really understand, and I mean really understand the demons of another man’s soul, well, ya just can’t bring yerself to put ‘im down. Especially not when he owes ya money. Or a round of drinks. I never DID GET PAID FOR THAT LIT’L FAVOR I DID YA BENNY!!! That’s why I always ask for a contract. Besides, yer bein’ a clone ain’t exactly a secre—

OSCAR MIKE:
I AM NOT A CLONE!!!

BENEDICT:
You guys know we can hear you right?

Benedict calls from the next table over just a couple feet away. He’s sitting with Montana, Boldur, and El Dragón, who are all staring at Oscar Mike.

MONTANA:
Oscar, c’mon man, don’t put a hit out on Benny, that’s not cool…

Oscar Mike cloaks and runs out, only to reenter 5 minutes later.

OSCAR MIKE:
(Calling out)
HEY EVERYONE! Sorry I’m late for chow time! I got held up… in the… er… bathroom. Important business. Anyway… oh, have any of you guys seen my identical twin brother Josh around? He looks just like me… same armor and everything. Let me know if you see him ok? Ah… Montana… there you are! With Boldur, El Dragón, and Big Bird’s mentally handicapped brother in law! How are you all doing, especially you, winged jackass, whom I totally don’t want to kill?

BENEDICT:
Go f*ck yourself copy boy.

OSCAR MIKE:
I AM NOT A CLONE!!!

9 Likes

This is pretty cool. Sure wouldn’t mind these little stories being a regular occurrence around here.
“Captain’s Log” kinda thing, from Benedict’s point of view.

2 Likes

Would be cool if these stories would be made into short Animations.

4 Likes

Breaking Character…

I might start a thread for these in the “Fan Creations” section later this weekend.
I really do have fun writing them.

@hanautaBOB - I would love to do a Battleborn comic book series or animated series. Unfortunately, I have this nasty handicap: I can’t draw for s**t. :head_bandage:

2 Likes

Should it be surprising that anyone would want Benedict dead? Everyone hates him.

Yeah, your (Benedict’s) presence on the forums is always hilarious but these would be super cool to see more of. You could possibly talk to some of the devs, get some of these stories to be made canon.

Breaking Character…
That’s not true. Benedict likes Benedict! I also like Benedict.

Breaking Character…

Meh. Whatever happens, happens.
In the meantime, I’ve started a compilation of some of my more fanfictioney posts here.

I’ll also be posting my more lengthy fan fiction here so I can stop derailing the serious threads.
That said if Benedict feels the need to talk on other threads, I can’t stop him. :fearful:

1 Like

I meant the Battleborn.

real quiet
I totally would if I could get the assets for it. :confused:
I love animating. And these things are the stuff of dreams for me since I can’t write.
But the game’s not popular enough for people to want to acquire the assets so once in a blue moon, some tools work, but for as many assets as there are I’m not in the best shape, it’d take forever. :S

1 Like