Because, let us be entirely honest, we need one.
Edit: Beginning chronicle of the events which led to our current sorry state of affairs.
Note the first: Astro has requested that I demarcate certain important events. Apparently beginning with his shameful predilection for tradition. Doubtless this is some form of fetish. I do not know which.
Note the second: Most lamentably, fetishes seem a common feature in the tale of this sorry lot. The Arsonist (a disreputable title if I’ve ever seen one), abused his very first post to… edify us on the nature of his profane vocabulary.
Note the third: I find myself much afeared, I cannot claim to be stout of heart, and my thoughts dwell increasingly upon the incoming flood.
Note the fourth: A peculiar sort of masquerade has began in my absence, people wear the most outlandish masks, as if to conceal some great crime.
Note the fifth: A most ominous silence has been broken by cacophony. Could this racket conceal something more?
Note the six: Perfidy! While I lay resting a person of moral turpitude most foul has crept within and enacted petty vandalism!
Note the seventh: A most lamentable state of affairs has ensued, as I began to hunt for my nemesis, they discounted their crime as a mere jest. Despicable.
Note the eighth: The watchers play tricks upon me, I found myself unable to scrawl more notes for many days. I do not know how long it has been, nor why they permit these defacements once more.
Note the ninth: Cacophany. My thoughts are no longer my own, and sly voices vie one upon another to whisper and hoot vicious nonsense. Have I been driven mad, or are there voices in these walls?