Simple Battleborn Role Play Thread

(The Frisky Finisci.) #222

TOBY (in scared disbelief):
Great Eagle, she finally did it… Beatrix actually combined Benedict’s arrogance with Alani’s selflessness, a-and now she’s set her new abomination loose on Nova to kill the rest of us out of the rage created from it’s conflicting personalities…!

Toby roceeds to run away, screaming at the top of his lungs.

6 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #223

ISIC:
Guess what day it is…

REYNA:
F**k off…

ISIC:
IT’S FREE ICE CREAM DAY!!! What’s YOUR favorite flavor Reyna?

ALANI:
Do you have kelp?

ISIC:
NO. But thank you for reminding us of your child-like innocence.

ALANI: (Pouting)
I’m not child-like!


Am I?

REYNA:
I ain’t accepting no ice cream from you.

ISIC:
Well then good news! I stole it from Kleese. It’s part of my new Sherwood initiative. By many moral standards, I’m doing good, which means I can break the law without setting off my control collar! Everybody wins! Now who wants some illegally obtained confections?

7 Likes
(The Frisky Finisci.) #225

TOBY (excited):
I’ll take any fish flavor! I mean, if you have that, of course…

REYNA:
Toby, I know you ain’t stupid enough to eat anything that ISIC gives you while he’s being “nice”…

TOBY (crestfallen):
Aww, come on, Reyna… It’s stolen ice cream! You know how good it tastes when it’s stolen! Remember that raid we did on Phoebe’s flagship the day before her birthday? That was the best icecream ever!

7 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #226

ISIC:
What the… what is it with you guys wanting seafood in your ice cream? Why would the LLC even MAKE fish flavored ice cream?

BENEDICT:
Ya got bacon pistachio squirrel nugget swirl?

ISIC:
YES WE DO!

BENEDICT:
I’ll take one.

ISIC tosses him a container.

7 Likes
(The Frisky Finisci.) #227

PHOEBE (walking in):
Clearly you’ve never experienced the unparalleled decadence and succulent quality of a caviar sorbet, ISIC.

TOBY (daydreaming):
I have…

PHOEBE (contemptuously):
Oh, I heard. I knew the Rogues were no doubt responsible for ruining my 35th birthday extravaganza, but I didn’t actually believe that Reyna, you, and the rest of your rag-tag band of delinquents were directly involved. I should have known that, Battleborn or not, ALL of you Rogues are as morally bankrupt as you are monetarily.

REYNA (smirking):
Yeah, you should’ve. Seriously, do you know anyone BESIDES Toby who’d rob you of caviar icecream?

6 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #228

BENEDICT:
Well I know this other Finisci dude named Zandall who talks about caviar ice cream all the time.

A pause.

BENEDICT:
What? I have Finisci friends.

He takes a bite of his ice cream.

BENEDICT:
On Facebird. We never met in person though.

He gains a thoughtful look as he takes another bite.

BENEDICT:
Actually, hold on a second… IS he Finisci? I could’ve sworn Zandall was Finisci, but dammit, now I’m just not sure. I KNOW I have a Finisci friend SOMEWHERE though. I think. No, wait… Zandall’s the GULL… so who the hell is the Finisci I’m friends with on Facebird? Dammit… I know I know a Finisci…

6 Likes
(Super Badass Constructor ) #229

The door explodes into shadowfire and confetti as Orendi cartwheels into the room

WHO SAID FREE ICE CREAM DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

I WANT BLUEBERRIES AND BABIES FLAVOR!

GIMME GIMMIE GIMMIEEEEE!!!

6 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #230

ISIC: (Thoughtful)
Would killing a baby to feed another set off my control collar? By some definitions, I would still be doing good…

ISIC hands her a blueberry ice cream.

6 Likes
(Super Badass Constructor ) #231

Orendi prepares to take a veerrrryyyy sloooow lick of the icecream. Once her tongue touches the mounds of frozen dairy deliciousness, her eyes go wide in disgust. She sets the icecream on chaos fire and chucks it at ISIC’s … facedome?

WERE iS THE BABIES?! I TASTE NO BABIES! I DEMAND SATISFACTION!

6 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #232

ISIC blasts the chaos cream out of the air calmly.

ISIC:
It’s all KLEESE’S fault! He didn’t buy baby ice cream! I suggest you go pay him a visit right now to express your dissatisfaction.

6 Likes
(The Frisky Finisci.) #233

REYNA:
As much as i’d like to see Kleese’s reaction to that, last I checked he’s takin’ a bath; and there are some images that even Orendi’s unique mind can’t handle. You know, I heard a story from Ghalt about how Kleese used to have minions cater to him while he’d be in the tub, but that the sight of his wrinkly old ass kept overloadin’ their circuits. Eventually, Trevor had to cut him off.

6 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #234

BENEDICT:
Ha! Well luckily, I literally can’t picture a naked Kleese, cuz I don’t look up inter-species nudity. I’d have NO IDEA what it looks like under there. Just like y’all have NO IDEA what I look like under here.

He gestures to his armor.

BENEDICT:
And that’s just a tragedy, cuz as gorgeous as this face is? Yeah. What’s underneath? Yeah. It should be in an art museum. OOH! ANY Y’ALL DO NUDE PORTRAITS?

6 Likes
(Cast Iron Chef) #235

Suddenly a whizzing sound is heard as an arrow flies through the doorway and into the back of Benedict’s neck. As he falls, Thorn enters the room, looks at him, and says one word, “No.”

6 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #236

Benedict respawns and reenters.

BENEDICT:
Wasn’t askin’ you, Thorn.

He picks his ice cream carton back up and continues eating as if nothing happened.

5 Likes
(The Frisky Finisci.) #237

TOBY:
So… Are you going to share any of that?

5 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #238

BENEDICT:
Uh, no. Why would I share when ISIC’s got a whole box of ‘em over there? Get yer own. ‘Sides, i don’t wanna hear yer snide lil’ comments about my taste in food. An’ I definitely don’t want ya blamin’ me when ya come down with a cold or a runny beak like ya did LAST TIME I tried to share food with ya. Hey, Toby, newsflash, swimmin’ 'round in the INPUT tank of the water reclamator ain’t exactly the healthiest thing to do on the ship. Yer lucky ya only caught a cold. 'Course it ain’t like anyone on board’s got turbo-gonorrhea.

He glares pointedly at Orendi.

BENEDICT:
That I KNOW OF…

5 Likes
(Super Badass Constructor ) #239

Orendi sits down on her ass and scratches the side of her face with her foot, sending little flecks of “who knows what” flying. then she happily jumps up and screams.

ORENDI ATE ALL THE VACCINATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS.

She then pauses for a moment. Her eyes go wide as she covers her face with all 4 hands, then sickeningly belches up a few syringes

5 Likes
(Smokin' Jesus titty cinnamon, that is a glorious wingspan!) #240

BENEDICT:
Okay. So… one that didn’t kill her. Two… since that didn’t kill her… pretty sure that’s a no to the turbo-gonorrhea theory.

5 Likes