Simple Battleborn Role Play Thread


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #122

Orendi hurls a gore soaked heart into which she has carved the words “luv and kisses” at the door to Toby’s quarters. She then takes the end of a big, gooey mass of intestines, staples it to his door, and runs off unravelling the long organs shouting, “I love you thhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much!”


(Super Badass Constructor ) #123

Some robotic grumping in the background of a machine not from the Battleborn universe.

Valentine Day. They in Battleborn Only Thread. Constructed Cardiovascular Pump Shaped Cookies. Cannot Enter to Dispense. Also HUG Loaders.

This worse then 4th Wall. How to gain Access to Thread.

Someone else with the grumpy bot speaks up

Well, they do have their own version of HUG Loaders in that universe…

She takes a bite of a Cardiovascular Pump Shaped Cookie and giggles

LET THERE BE BOOM BOTS. SUBMIT TO NOT HUG LOADERS! Oh wait, MAKING A BIG ASS LINE TO SEPARATE US FROM BATTLEBORN LAND SO IT DOESN’T GET CONFUSING! BORDERLANDS BE CRASHING THIS VDAY USING LLC BOTS YO!


AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, BOOM BOTS, ALL THE BOOM BOTS WANTING HUGS! BECAUSE, REASONS!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #124

Meanwhile…

Miko is solo infiltrating a thrall prison.

THRALL COMMANDER AZAX:
I WANT THAT ■■■■■■■ MUSHROOM’S HEAD ON A SILVER PLATTER!!

Miko arrives, rips its head off, throws it on a silver platter, then hits the thrall commander in the eyes with kunai.

HEADLESS MIKO:
Done.

As the thrall commander collapses in his death throes, a mono sunglass rolls over in front of the beheaded Miko eye. Shayne taps her meme generating phone app.

SHAYNE’S PHONE:
Like a BAWSSS.

MIKO:
Well. Thank the light and the darkness YOU came along. What WOULD we have done WITHOUT you?

Miko makes unintelligible noises of irritation.

SHAYNE:
Hey! I… I helped.


(Touched MCHammer) #125

Kid Ultra:
I’m currently helping!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #126

Miko looks down and sees that Kid Ultra is currently holding a lighter to its arm. Miko backhands him.


(Touched MCHammer) #127

Kid Ultra:

OW!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #128

MIKO:
Do NOT do that!


(Touched MCHammer) #129

Kid Ultra:
ILL TELL GHALT THAT YOU HIT ME!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #130

MIKO:
We do not answer to Ghalt. The others approve of physical violence. We shall continue to smack the stupids.

Miko backhands Shayne.

SHAYNE:
Ow, WHAT THE HELL?

MIKO:
That is for having a ringtone of 27 whining harresburras!


(Touched MCHammer) #131

Kid Ultra:
I WISH I WAS WITH ALANI!

SHE’S A MICH BETTER SITTER


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #132

MIKO:
Why DIDN’T you go with the water monk?


Cut to Alani riptiding Kid Ultra down a corridor.

ALANI:
FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!! STOP DUMPING SALT IN THE ISOLATION TANK!! MY GILLS ONLY WORK WITH FRESH WATER!!!


(Touched MCHammer) #133

Kid Ultra:

Ghalt said something about her being busy, even though I saw her at breakfast this morning.

But at least you’re better than fire lady! She took my arm off last time she watched me!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #134

Cut to Kid Ultra dressed and painted as a fire chief being beaten and burned by an enraged Ambra’s Staff of Radiance.

AMBRA:
You FOOLISH child! That was a miniature SUN! It was an ARTIFICIAL POWER SOURCE! I was HARVESTING IT to keep this outpost’s solar shield operational! YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL WITH YOUR INCESSANT MEDDLING FOR THE LAST TIME!!!


(Touched MCHammer) #135

Kid Ultra:
But even she is better than creepy vaccine lady!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #136

Cut to Beatrix staring down at a camera with Kid Ultra hovering over her shoulder wearing a nurse’s hat. She holds out her hand.

BEATRIX:
Scalpel.

Kid Ultra hands her a scalpel. She begins cutting. Blood spurts into Kid Ultra’s face. A grown man’s cries of agony are heard.

PATIENT J-2223-112:
AHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE ■■■■ ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZY BITCH!!! I CAME IN HERE FOR A TETANUS SHOT!!!

Beatrix holds out her hand again.

BEATRIX:
Flesh eating roaches.


(Touched MCHammer) #137

Kid Ultra:

But there also some really cool ones!
Like bow lady and snake man!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #138

Cut to an arrow zipping right into Pendles’ good eye.

PENDLES:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

THORN:
BOOK CLUB IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!!!


(Touched MCHammer) #139

Kid Ultra:

I also really liked angry purple dude and spy lady!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #140

Cut to Whiskey Foxtrot leaping onto Pendles’ back and jamming a knife into his good eye.

PENDLES:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

WHISKEY FOXTROT:
MY HOT AND STEAMY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH DEANDE IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT! Unless… you know… she wants it to be?

Whiskey looks up expectantly at Deande who folds her arms with a grimace.

WHISKEY FOXTROT:
RIGHT! IT’S NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!!!


(Touched MCHammer) #141

Kid Ultra:
But my favorite was when pirate lady and Ghalt talked to snake man!

Now that I think about it I haven’t seen snake man in a while!