Ssssssucceeding with Executive Executions: An updating guide to Pendles, your #1 assassin

Hello valued customer! Thank you for contacting Executive Executions, your #1 place for assassinations, betrayals, backstabs, and sabotage! Please note that this is an updating manual as it is hard to type with a tentacle and a robotic arm that doesn’t always work (thanks for that Toby. I make one comment about him being adorable and the little guy won’t let me live it down). Plus I might not think of getting good tips until I’m out on the field and trying them out.

Now that that disclaimer is out of the way let’s go over what you get when you hire Pendakka “Pendles” Lakonna to eliminate your bothersome Battleborn foes. Here are the basics mate: First I got your HP bar and shield bar. Nothing special really, I start with 900 HP and 300 shield, putting myself around the same starting point of Orendi. Next I got my weapons, a beautiful pair of kamas. Got the steel one from a sale on ice-climbing equipment. Got the bone one from…well, you better ask Benedict about that one. A Roa never bites and tells :wink: These deliver a flurry of slashing attacks to slice and dice my opponent into bite-sized portions (unless I just cut up Marquis, in which case I just get a spring stuck in the roof of my mouth).

Next I have my natural slipperiness. Turns out losing your scales thanks to that blasted Roan life cycle isn’t so bad. It gives me -25% CC duration, allowing me to slither out of slows, wounds, and stuns quicker than anyone else. Not sure about DoTs though. I’d rather not ask Miko to test that theory out on me. Then we have my passive, Corner Sneak. This the cornerstone of my abilities and what makes the perfect assassin for your needs. Whenever an enemy isn’t looking at me I become cloaked and get a speed boost and stay cloaked until I either attack or use a skill. It’s a useful ability for going behind enemy lines and disrupting their plans along with killing wounded Battleborn that think they’re safe from harm.

Now that the basics are out of the way, let’s get down my favorite part: my active abilities. First we have Smoke Bomb. I whipped these beauties up after my first contract and I’ve been using them ever since. Whenever I use them I deal an AoE DoT around me and instantly cloak me, no matter what. They’re real helpful to use after killing an enemy and wanting to go back in the shadows or if you’re being chased and need a quick escape. Some of my helixes allow my bombs to be thrown, propel my backwards, and even blind enemies. It takes about 28 seconds for me to find the next one to use so I only use them when I need to.

Next we have Injection. This this is my favorite ability. With this I coat my lovely kamas with my own neurotoxic venom (patent pending) and slash at the enemy, dealing damage and heavily slowing them for seconds. It’s an excellent way to start an assassination by slowing them and making escape impossible (for 2 seconds at least) or to hinder a big enemy that my team is having a hard time killing (my teammates have no respect for the hard work professional assassins like me put into my job everyday). Some of my helixes choices allow me to dash when using it, do increased damage when hitting from the back, getting life back from an enemy, and adding a DoT poison to it.

Finally we have the coup de grace, Miasma. My Ultimate Ability allows me to cover myself in an airborne, homemade toxin that follows me and deals damage over time to anyone around me. It also reduces the cooldown for Injection from 15 seconds to 3 seconds. The best part is that using it doesn’t take me out of my cloak, allowing me to run around and damage my enemies without being noticed, that is unless they noticed the giant cloud of poison coming for them. What I like to do the most is use Injection, slowing them down, then follow with Miasma to trap them in my cloud and then use Injection again to keep them in my Cloud of Death (trademark pending) while I wail on them with my kamas. My helixes allow me to wound them with my cloud or do extra damage with Injection.

Well that’s all the time I have right now. Later I’ll be on to give tips and advice on what you should do if you want to follow in my footsteps. Right now I see a Marquis and he is looking pretty alone right now. And Remember our motto! Executive Executions: We’ll bury your problems six feet under, that’s a guarantee.

Hello again! This Pendakka “Pendles” Lakonna, proprietor of Executive Executions and your friendly neighborhood assassin. Now if you’re like some of my customers you’re not that rich and can’t afford an assassin like me. But there’s no reason to fret love! He at Executive Executions we pride ourselves on helping those help themselves by training them to kill others. For just a few monthly payments you too can learn to silently and ruthlessly murder your abusive boss, cheating husband, or that Harresbura that’s been digging up your yard. And just because I’m such a nice Roan I’ll give some of these tips away for free, so pay attention lads:

  1. Know your surroundings. I cannot stress this enough. Know the terrain like the back of your tentacle, hand, flipper, claw, wing, or whatever passes for a limb in your species. It’s especially good to know where the enemy shard spawns and buildings are. Nothing screams “BAD ASSASSIN HERE” like being about to kill a Montana and suddenly you’re slowed down by an Accelerator that you forgot to destroy in the beginning, and now that Montana is turning around and turning you into a Roan meat pile. That also includes knowing where your enemies are, but I’ll get more into enemies later.

  2. Be quick and be silent This is the hallmark of a true assassin. Don’t go with your team to front lines. That’s an easy way for someone to accidentally shoot you in the head or get blasted by Orendi (seriously, she f***ing scares me. I once saw her stab herself in the eye for FUN! Fun I tell you!). Your job is to go behind the enemy lines and disrupt your enemies’ buildings, minions, and to kill stragglers. Nothing proves to your team how competent you are than using injection to finish off that Oscar Mike that got away and was preparing a counterattack or summoning your enemies’ base thrall to use against them. But don’t think you can stay in the sunlight once you’ve made your kill; being stealthy is your job. You need to get out of sight or use your handy Smoke Bombs the moment you’re spotted. Otherwise your friends will be going the Roan Funeral Jig on your grave.

3)Observe the enemy and strike when the moment is right So you’ve killed the enemy buildings, disrupted their minion lanes, and summoned their own thralls. Now what do you do? Why you pick off the enemy team that’s what! Observe what your team is doing and back them up. Is there a Miko keeping that Galilea alive? Nothing would make your teammates happier than you coming from behind that Miko and using Injection to slow him down before finishing him off with a flurry of blade strikes and making that Galilea so much easier to deal with. But don’t think you can attack just anyone: some Battleborn are just too big to handle on your own. I’m talking your Montanas, Attikuses (Attiki?), Galileas, pretty much all the tanks. Unless you’re a lot faster than they are you aren’t going to be able to take them on at full health. I say go after them only if they’ve taken a lot of damage and you can kill in a couple strikes. You should beware of enemies that can reveal your location. These are your Ambras, Orendis, and Tobies. Ambra can reveal your location with her Scorching Wind and Sunspot, Orendi can reveal your location from halfway across the map just by using Shadowfire Pillar (and the reveal lingers for about 3-5 seconds after she uses it so any Smoke Bombs used during that time won’t help you cloak). Lastly, Toby can reveal any enemy whenever he zooms in with his railgun. I say only go after those three if they haven’t picked any reveal helixes or if your team is keeping them occupied, allowing you go in for the final strike.

Now normally this is where the free meal ticket would end but since we employees at Executive Executions pride ourselves on going beyond the call of duty for our customers I’ll talk a little bit about some of the gear you should carry. For starters, ditch the damage reduction gear. Like I said before, you won’t be fighting with your team on the front lines with your teammates. You’ll be behind enemy lines. If you’ve followed my tips you won’t need damage reduction because you’ll be in-and-out so fast the enemy won’t be able to react. You definately won’t need reload speed, heal power, or recoil.

So that just leaves what you can use. Personally I like to increase my deadliness by adding attack damage, attack speed, and skill damage gear to my loadout. I sometimes also use a shard generator gear but I use legendaries and build a lot so your mileage may vary. My favorite gear to use is Vow of Vengeance and Bola’s Target Finder. Bola’s Target Finder gives you skill damage and attack speed and increase the damage an enemy takes for 10 seconds when you hit them with a skill. It’s a perfect legendary to use since I like to start my killing sprees with Injection. Vow of Vengeance is perfect for anyone that likes something sharp over something that shoots. It gives you attack speed and attack damage and increases your attack damage with every strike you make. It will help you end fights a lot quicker allowing you to go after your next target with a lot more health intact. The third piece of gear is based on personal preference. If you’re bold you can slap a Vow of Zealous Fury or Heliophagic Goggles in there. If you’re the kind of assassin that wants to get to his or her or its gear quicker I suggest a shard generator like Veil Manipulator or Quartermastery Bin. Quartermastery Bin is especially useful if you like to take your enemies’ shards as it increases the shared shard income to 30%, allowing your teammates to access their own gear that much quicker.

Well, that’s all the time I have right now. Thank you for contacting Executive Executions and inquiring about our wonderful services, and remember the Executive Execution motto: Executive Executions, we’ll bury your problems six feet deep. That’s a guarantee.

9 Likes

Har Har, Clap Clap, well done! :smile:

oh hi Wisecarver! It’s your friend! We played story together today

1 Like

to be honest I thought I would get a lot more views by now

1 Like

I know I’m late, but this is really good and funny

Thanks. Pendles is one of my favorite heroes and really suits my playstyle so this is my monument to him.

2 Likes