The Ask The Aviants Holoshow!


(Vault Hunter, Guide, Forum Dad) #5709

A post was merged into an existing topic: FlamesForAll Off-Topic


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5710

Benedict emerges from the bathroom to see most of his allies locked in the airlock with the Montana theme blasting through the speakers. Beatrix sits alone nearby with a bucket of candy.

BENEDICT:
Nova, they all got ETBs right?

NOVA:
I dunno. Probably. Isn’t it more fun to flush the airlock and find out first hand than to actually check?

BEATRIX:
Here, have some candy. We’re going to find out which one of our allies can last the longest in the vacuum of space.

BENEDICT:
Yer gonna be waitin’ a while. I mean ISIC and Marquis’ve got those big ass power supplies, right? And don’t guayota live in space?

BEATRIX:
You’re assuming they won’t kill each other out of boredom.

BENEDICT:
Well then ISIC’s out, cuz he can’t shoot his own guys with the control collar on. So… Marquis or Aurox?

BEATRIX:
My money’s on Marquis.

BENEDICT:
Yeah, but guayota feed on processed power sources. I’m bettin’ on Aurox.

BEATRIX:
Marquis will just snipe him before he gets there.

BENEDICT:
Bea, Aurox is ARMORED.

BEATRIX:
Marquis can crit a target more than once.

BENEDICT:
Naw, I think the big guy’s too fast for that…

BEATRIX:
500 credits on Marquis.

BENEDICT:
A thousand on Aurox.

BEATRIX:
Two thousand and your thumbprint on this paperwork authorizing me to perform experimental surgery on your kidneys.

BENEDICT:
Three thousand. No signatures.

BEATRIX:
Awww… you’re no fun.


(Cast Iron Chef) #5711

A loud cough sounds behind them, causing both of them to turn around. Ghalt glares at the pair with his arms crossed. “If you two are done with your little show, I think it’s time to finish the funeral. Nova?”

“Airlock decompressing in 3…2-”

“Nova! You know what I meant! Open the airlock.”

Nova sighs. “You’re no fun, captain.”

Ghalt glares at the Battleborn as they file out of the airlock. He turns around and yells, “And turn off that damned music! I can barely hear myself think.”

Montana groans as the music stops playing. “Aw dude! I was enjoying that!”

Ghalt shakes his head and turns back to Toby. “I never really knew your cousin, Toby, but you have my condolences.” He gestures at the airlock button. “Whenever you’re ready, son.”


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5712

TOBY (smiling softly):
Thank you, captain Ghalt. And, uh… S-Sorry for almost killing several of the others again!

Toby pushes the airlock’s ejection button, and the assembled Battleborn watch as it’s thrusters activate and steer it into Solus.

TOBY (Tearing up):
Goodbye, Tony… I-I love you…

Toby reaches into Pam’s purse for a tissue, then stops suddenly, his eyes widening.

TOBY (sheepishly):
U-Umm… Sweety…? I think… I think I left my wallet in the casket…


(XB1: Abattoirista) #5713

Pam sighs, and leans in to whisper to him as she hands him the tissue he’d been reaching for.

PAM:
You’ll have to explain to me later why your wallet was in the casket to begin with, but it’s okay… I’d actually hidden your cards elsewhere to cut down on the odds you’d go on some ridiculous grief-fueled spending spree. So as far as I know a good chunk of what was in your wallet is safely back in our quarters.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5714

SHAYNE:
And I stole your ultra rare foil Finisci Firebringer so literally everything valuable from your wallet is safe.


(The One-Armed Bandit ) #5715

Ernest: You have a WHAT NOW?!


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5716

TOBY (distressed):
SCREW my credit cards, I lost my-

TOBY:
Oh… Okay then!

HEY!!

TOBY (smug):
It’s a first edition too…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5717

AUROX:
And if you want it back you will pay us a ransom, or you shall receive it… IN PIECES…

SHAYNE:
Nice thought, big guy, but I was thinking auction house. i mean, Toby isn’t exactly swimming in credits.


(The One-Armed Bandit ) #5718

Ernest: 20 plat. On the table. You don’t even play EM, it’s worth sh*t to you.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5719

SHAYNE:
Yeah, I prefer RPGs and text adventures myself. Every card pack’s basically an RNG loot box. But… I think maybe I can get a little more for it.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5720

TOBY (angry):
What?! NO!! GIVE IT BACK, SHAYNE, OR I’LL-

Aurox hulks over Toby, menacingly.

TOBY (faltering):
Umm… I-I’ll…

Toby sighs, resigned.

TOBY:
25…


(Cast Iron Chef) #5721

Mike raises his hand. “30! That’s how this works, right bro?”


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5722

BENEDICT:
45 an’ I’ll shut up for a week.


(The One-Armed Bandit ) #5723

Ernest glares. 50, and a get-out-of-running-laps-free card.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5724

Toby opens his beak to outbid, but Pam shoots him a reproachful look, as the two of them don’t have much; Toby’s holoshow was created to get him out of debt, after all.

TOBY (sadly):
Pass…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5725

Benedict checks his account.

BENEDICT:
Aaaaannnddd… that’s gonna kill my interest. Whatever. I mostly use Eldrid decks anyway.

ISIC:
Seventy-five. Ahahahahahahaha… but seriously, seventy-five.


(The One-Armed Bandit ) #5726

Ernest squints at ISIC. What in the hell you want an Eldrid Magic card for?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5727

ISIC:
I honestly haven’t decided yet. But considering Toby is my one and only friend in the universe, I’m either going to give it back to him in a rare act of kindness or rip it up in front of you all for my own petty amusement.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5728

TOBY (blushing):
Do you really mean that, ISIC…?