The Ask The Aviants Holoshow!


(Super Badass Constructor ) #5809

Dude Bill? Is it me or do I smell shrooms?

Dude Ted, I totally think its just you! … Do we HAVE any shrooms?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5810

Miko rounds the corner and sighs in relief.

BENEDICT: (Bounding down the hall with Boldur)
HEY MIKO!!! WE WANT ANOTHER ONE OF THEM “RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCES!”

Miko scowls and starts to run.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5811

Toby emerges from around the corner, dragging a struggling Tony behind him on a leash.

TOBY (huffing in exhaustion):
There you are… Miko…! I could use… Some help… Coming up with a vegan diet… For my cousin here…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5812

MIKO:
NO. No no. 'Shroom store is closed. We do not wish to be ingested any longer!

Benedict thinks for a minute.

BENEDICT:
Wait, we ate YOU!!?? You told us it was red desert root!

BOLDUR:
But Boldur tried to wear bird friend like hat!

MIKO:
Red desert root highly restricted. But… our insides… also red…

BENEDICT:
Why… the hell…

MIKO:
Gambling debt.

BENEDICT:
Oh.

MIKO:
We did not think our inner body had hallucinogenic properties. We thought… quick cash…

BOLDUR:
Boldur does not mind where red desert root comes from. BOLDUR WANTS MORE!

MIKO:
NO! NO MORE! Internal structure! Difficult to grow back! We believed our roots would be mild sedative! Never thought…

BENEDICT:
Ya thought ya were scammin’ us an’ it backfired when it actually got us high.

MIKO:
We have behaved shamefully and…

Miko screeches as someone jams a fork into its back. Miko turns quickly to see who the culprit is.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5813

Toby gives Miko a sheepish look after he removes the fork, and finishes nibbling on the piece of Miko that came away on it.

TOBY:
I just wanted to taste colors…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5814

MIKO:
Our anger is tempered by the knowledge that that was a piece of our waste excretion facility.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5815

TOBY:

I’m not going to taste the rainbow… Am i?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5816

BENEDICT:
Well that depends on what Miko excretes as waste. Miko?

MIKO:
Biosynthetic byproduct.

BENEDICT:
And that is…

MIKO:
WE ARE NOT SICK!!! WE DO NOT FEED OTHER BEINGS OUR OWN WASTE TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!!!

BEATRIX:
That’s my job!

She pulls out a tablet.

BEATRIX:
Please describe the flavor in detail and any odd side effects.

BENEDICT:
So… wait… feeding people yer vital organs is ok… but…

BEATRIX:
SHUT-UP!!! I’M CONDUCTING RESEARCH!!! MwuhuhahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Symptoms?


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5817

TOBY (thoughtfully):
Well… I’d say that Miko’s butt tastes slightly reminiscent of rotten peaches… Side affects though… Hmm… I-I think i’m okay!

While saying this last, Toby’s pupils dilate to a point where he looks even cuter, and he titters.

TOBY (staring at Boldur):
Like i said, i’m fine… But maybe you should take a look at the forest of mackerel flowers sprouting from Boldur’s stump…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5818

Boldur shoves Benedict out of the way and grabs for Miko.

BOLDUR:
BOLDUR WANTS TO GO OVER THE RAINBOW AGAIN!!!

Miko jumps back.

MIKO:
NO!!! WE ARE NOT DOING THAT!!!

BEATRIX:
Well think about it, Miko… you…

BOLDUR:
Boldur will pay!

Miko stops and looks thoughtful. Beatrix appears behind Miko’s left shoulder.

BEATRIX:
I mean, it’s just waste to you. Why not make a little money on the side for it?

Benedict appears behind Miko’s right shoulder. Miko looks at him.

BENEDICT:
What? I don’t care what y’all do. I ain’t eatin’ no mushroom poop, though. Just don’t let Ghalt find out.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5819

Toby appears on top of Miko’s head, and begins stroking it.

TOBY (whispering):
You make me feel like spring has sprung…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5820

Benedict’s phone slowly appears in frame behind Toby.


(Not-Toby) #5821

a mysterious character emerges from the shadows
TONY: I ate all the fish-shaped biscuts, can I get something to drink…

looks around
TONY: Hey, you’re Toby’s battlebuddies? Watcha doing in this dusky store room, some battlemeeting? I don’t remember trying to kill you, you or you, can I join you. Got any snacks?

points at Toby
TONY: Wtf is his problem?


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5822

Toby licks Miko’s head while staring at Tony, then quickly hops down before they can fling him at the nearest wall.

TOBY (screaming):

FISHBISCUITS!!


(Not-Toby) #5823

totally calm and unimpressed
TONY: Already told you, ate all of them. Now I’d like some drink, a soda or beer will do.

looking into Toby’s eyes
TONY: Are you OK? Your pupils are dialated, I’ve read this may be a sign of…

dodges as Toby attempts to peck into his mask
TONY: OK, OK, I get it! I’ll get it myself.

turns respectively to Boldur, Beatrix, Miko and then Benedict
TONY: Uh, nah, no way, wtf, which way to the fridge?


(The One-Armed Bandit ) #5824

Ernest peaks his head out into the hallway. Don’t tell 'im! If he don’t know already, he don’t get to know!

He then looks down, and finally putting a voice to a face, observes the diminutive Finisci.

Ernest: Huh. Tony’s here. Again. Are we sure it’s the right one this time?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5825

BENEDICT:
Aw sh*t. I thought that was Pam’s cosplay. When Toby ain’t high no more, remind me to rub it in how NOT racist I am, seein’ as we held a funeral for some stranger cuz even Finisci can’t tell Finisci apart.


(Not a "Li'l Assbirb!") #5826

Toby, who’s high lasted all of ten minutes, yells at Benedict petulantly.

TOBY:
I WAS BLINDED BY GRIEF!!

Suddenly, Toby gags and then opens his beak, revealing a tongue covered in tiny mushrooms. Beatrix makes a noise of delight and begins fervently writing in her notebook again.

TOBY:
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, MIKO?!


(Not-Toby) #5827

TONY: Fineee, be a stork, heck…

sniff
TONY: (teary) I don’t need you, and your help, I don’t need anyone, I’ll find it myself.

bellyslides from the store room and roars angrily outside
suddenly Orendi runs by the entrance screaming
ORENDI: AAAH, buried stuffed friends returning to haunt Orendi!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5828

MIKO:
Oh dear… it appears the small one’s tongue has become a nursery for us. We do not care for the fish. Please eat some asparagus instead.