The Ask The Aviants Holoshow!


(Penguin connoisseur.) #5972

Tobi waddles into the hall looking for her new muse, and suddenly sees three hawter studs; and they’re all AVAIN!! Tobi quickly fixes her head feathers and then winks an eye at them flirtatiously.

TOBI (seductively):
Why, hello there, boys…


(XB1: Abattoirista) #5973

Pam turns away from Henrik and digs through her purse with one flipper, counting out rolls of bills with suspicious stains.

PAM:
Okay, I think I’ve got enough left over from… never mind, doesn’t matter where or how or when. I can probably swing that.

Pam, despite being elsewhere, suddenly shudders.

PAM:
Is there a draft or something?


(Velocitas Est Vita) #5974

Ernest aims his waffle sword over the crate and fires an entire waffle in Tobi’s direction. Said waffle arcs through the air and nails her in the beak, splattering maple syrup everywhere.

Larry: Nice! You actually hit somethin’ for once!

Ernest: Shaddup. I do breakfast warfare better than you any day.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5975

Benedict runs in.

BENEDICT:
Hey, y’all! GUESS WHAT!!! THE ETB FIXED MY GRAPEFRUIT LAUNCHER! IT KEPT THE MODIFICATIONS AN’ EVERYTHING!!!

He turns to Tobi, waffle dripping down her face.

BENEDICT:
■■■■!!! YOU SHOT TOBY WHEN I WASN’T AROUND!!! AIN’T NO WAY I AIN’T GETTIN’ IN ON THIS ■■■■!!! FIRIN’ GRAPEFRUIT BOMBS!!!

Head Shalene appears and puts her hand on Benedict’s rocket launcher.

HEAD SHALENE:
Wait. That’s Tobi, not Toby.

Benedict stops and thinks for a minute.

BENEDICT:
So… that means I can’t shoot her?

She tilts Benedict’s grapefruit launcher up slightly.

HEAD SHALENE:
No. It means you aim for the face, not the torso. The citric acid will completely f**k up her makeup and make her go apesh*t.

Benedict grins.

BENEDICT:
Sweet.

Benedict fires right at Tobi’s face.


(Not-Toby) #5976

as Pam shudders with cash in her fliper Tony grabs the bills and hands’ em to…

Tony shakes his head
THE NARRATOR: What now?
TONY: You know good what, Pam’s not a flabby hen…
THE NARRATOR: Uhm, OK. So…

as Pam shudders with cash in her fliper Tony grabs the bills and ATTEMPTS to hand’ em to Henrik
PAM: (dercisively) Not so fast.
TONY: (sweetly) Yeees?
PAM: There are some things we should settle, right here.

Tony does sore eyes…I mean “eye”
PAM: Oh come on, you don’t think it’ll work…

Tony does even more sore eye
PAM: (flatly) No way, Toby tries this all the time. And did I ever give in? No Sir I didn’t.

Tony does sore eye and…
TONY: (sweetly) Prleeese?
PAM: (resigned) Oh, OK, grab it.

Tony greedily grabs the cash and with confident move puts it on Henrik’s hand
TONY: We done?
HENRIK: Done.
TONY: Then I’ll going now…

as Tony readies to belly slide away Pam grabs his flipper
PAM: Oh no you don’t…

Tony throws an asking glance at Pam
PAM: …You have to pay me back, somehow. You’re gonna help me find your cousin.
PAM: (joyfully) And hey, we can talk on the way. If we get to live together we should learn more about eachother, right? I’ll start. I’ve met Toby…

Tony smiles tentatively as they waddle down the hallway


(Penguin connoisseur.) #5977

Tobi’s eyes narrow at Benedict.

TOBI (whining):
You JERKS…! Look what you did to my perfect face…!

Suddenly, she snarls as she enters full bitch-mode, and charges Benedict. However, she stops just short of colliding with him as something truly miraculous takes place… You see, maple syrup and grapefruit juice, once combined, give off fumes with a chemical composition that completely nullifies the brainwashing serum being injected into Toby by the collar, resulting in an almost magical and fairlytale-esque cure that makes perfectly logical sense. Perfectly. Logical. Sense… As a result, Toby comes to, looks around in dazed confusion as he takes in the well-balanced destruction, and then blanches as he notices that he is ONCE AGAIN dressed as a girl, leaving little doubt as to the function of the collar’s “mystery button”. No, the only mystery for Toby now is what the sticky substance he feels running down his prettily made-up face is… When he’s standing less than a foot from Benedict.

TOBY (pleading):
PLEASE tell me that this is syrup…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5978

Benedict turns to Head Shalene. She nods.

BENEDICT: (Grinning)
Oh… well… sure! If that’s what ya want… I’ll TELL ya it’s syrup.

He raises his featherbrows suggestively and laughs maniacally.


(XB1: Abattoirista) #5979

Pam stops mid-story and holds up a flipper. She listens and hears the familiar snarl of that bitch Tobi. She starts to rush to the site of the battle, but stops and grabs Tony – no way in heck is she leaving him unsupervised – and rushes in, standing in the doorway just to see what appears to be Tobi standing right there, face dripping, in front of Benedict.

Her eyes widen to almost anime proportions in pure, raw, naked horror.

PAM:
How… could… you…

It’s unclear to whom that is directed, and she doesn’t have the chance to clarify before she passes out from shock.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #5980

Toby turns and sees Pam collapse.

TOBY (worried):
PAM!!

Toby runs over and tries to wake her up, and let her know… Let her know what a jealous, rough-beaked jezebel she is for putting this stupid collar on her- HIM!! Uh oh… Toby starts frantically digging through Pam’s purse looking for the collar’s remote, while trying to avoid thinking about how good it would look on her- HIS!! -own flipper. The remote isn’t there. Grabbing Pam again, Toby starts shaking and pleading with her unconscious body as he tries to wake her up.

TOBY (frantic):
PAM!! PAM, W-WAKE UP!! PLEASE!! WAKE UP BEFORE I CHEAT ON YOU WITH BENEDICT!!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5981

BENEDICT: (Still grinning)
Aw no. It wasn’t me.

He pauses for dramatic effect.

BENEDICT:
It was Larry.

Benedict runs from the room.


(XB1: Abattoirista) #5982

Pam’s eyes immediately open with a nearly-audible snap, revealing a death glare that would make ISIC flinch.

PAM:
You do and I’ll–

She shakes her head to clear it, on some level recognizing this is Toby calling for help, not Tobi. She gets up, wobbles a little bit from dizziness, and steadies herself.

PAM:
Okay, okay, let’s fix this, just lemme…

She grabs the purse and rummages through it, blinking.

PAM:
Okay, the remote was here a few minutes ago, I’m sure of it. I had it in the hall, when I got distracted by… your cousin.

She looks around for Tony.


(Velocitas Est Vita) #5983

Larry fires his pancake cannon at the retreating Benedict, nailing him in the back. He then turns to Toby, grinning, and shrugs.

Larry: What can I say except “You’re welcome!”? Give it a lick, see how it tastes.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5984

Benedict runs into the elevator still laughing and hits the down button. The lights flicker. Dramatic music begins as Orendi slowly drops into frame behind Benedict from the ceiling.

As the music swells, Orendi leaps onto Benedict’s back.

ORENDI:
PAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEEESSSSSS!!!

She produces a fork and a butter knife in two of her arms and uses her other two to cling to Benedict’s back as he desperately tries to throw her off. She stabs at the pancake with her fork and butter knife, trying to catch pieces of it on her utensils. Eventually she catches a huge chunk of pancake and feathers on the butter knife and shoves it in her mouth. Abruptly the music stops. She leaps off of Benedict’s back and spits it against the wall, where it sticks and very slowly dribbles down.

ORENDI:
ICK!!! FEATHERS!!!

Benedict folds his arms.

BENEDICT:
What did we learn?

ORENDI:
NOTHING!!!

The music continues abruptly as Orendi leaps onto his back again.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #5985

Toby blushes, giggles and then bashfully waves a flipper at Larry in an “oh stop it, you naughty boy” gesture.

TOBY (playfully):
You’re a little young for- OH MY GOD!! TONY!! DAMN IT, WHERE ARE YOU!!


(Super Badass Constructor ) #5986

The JAM and NUT Loader continue to stand there confused, unsure on what’s going on. They were trying to figure out how the hell a Finisci can magically change genders. Before they became doomed to an endless mental loop of gender swapping calculating, the Loader with the severed arm slaps both of them back to reality, with said severed arm…

Resuming Breakfast Combat Protocals


(XB1: Abattoirista) #5987

Pam brings a flipper up to smack Toby upside the head, when–

–the sudden urge to hurl is too strong for her to do anything but find a convenient trash can. Hearing Toby’s voice in that tone, directed at Larry, is just too much.

PAM (pulling her head out of the trash can):
I was keeping an eye on him, until I passed out.


(Not-Toby) #5988

A low, around two foot tall, character lingers in the dark corner of the car, watching as August Benedict Jr. loses his second fight
or maybe it looks at the broken controll device on the floor

in the little guy’s mind
TONY: Hey, I’m way above two foot tall, I’m hardly a lil.
THE NARRATOR: OK, then

in Finisci’s mind
TONY: (sobing) Dammit, it’s the second time today. And this time I’m screwed. Why ppl have to constantly bump into me? Am I like unoticeable…

his eye narrows
TONY: …un-notice…yeah.

a Finisci character silently moves about to the elevator’s controlls

under his beak
TONY: (muttering silently) Wanna pump up the mood? Let’s see what will happen in

PERFECT DARK

the speaker inside the elevator starts to jingle


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #5989

In a burst of light, Benedict’s emergency transport beacon activates, and in that brief moment of brilliant illumination, Orendi spies…

The lights go out again. A small shadowfire flame appears just inches from Tony’s face.

ORENDI: (Softly)
Hello battle damage Toby.

She blasts the elevator controls with a chaos bolt.

ORENDI:
I like to play in the dark too.

She blows out the flame and cackles maniacally.


(Not-Toby) #5990

NOVA: Attention, some jerkwad just blew up the lift’s controls. I’m not handling this AGAIN, say hello to emergency systems… hold tight, it’ll be bumpy!

Tony and Orendi try to “outshout” eachother
TONY AAAAAAAA!
ORENDI: Oh, neuuu!

Tony’s aviant chords win
ORENDI: Orendi can’t die now, Orendi must tidy her room.
TONY: You heard NOVA, hold on to something.

Orendi grabs Tony, with all six
TONY: (annoyed) Not me, something fixed, to the car.

the car judders and then starts to slowly slide down to ground floor
NOVA: Just kidding, it’s set to set you down gently.

Tony and Orendi sigh deeply
and then Orendi returns to “play”

Tony grabs the emergency com’s handset and tries to cough up a word while being tugged by varimorphic limbs
COM?: ORENDI!
ORENDI: Reyna?

distaracted by “the voice” Orendi tosses her finiscian toy aside and exerts her hearing
a red glow appears in the dark where, supposedlly, Tony has landed
ORENDI: Reyna I love you.
REYNA?: ORENDI, I hear from NOVA that you’ve done a mess in the elevator again! What did I tell you about making a mess? You may kill Benedict as many times you like but no property damage! And by the way, is it just me or is

YOUR ROOM STILL UNTIDY?!

ORENDI: Orendi will tidy her room, promise.

starts to bang the car’s wall
ORENDI: Alooo!? Let Orendi out, I need to tidy my room, hello? Orendi has to go! NOOOW!
REYNA?: You better be quick, or you’ll have a randez vouz with my archeology monthly.
ORENDI: (shook up) Orendi will be good, Orendi will sit now. OK, Reyna? Reyna?

the red glow vanishes in the dark corner and a thud of a body slipping on the floor sounds


(Super Badass Constructor ) #5991

Previously…

*Currently…

The JAM and NUT Loader slap each-other out of another gender-bending infinite loop of doom from scanning all the “Breakfast Combatants”.

Larry and Ernest are mildly balanced with hints of jam and peanut butter, Benedict is MIA again, but Toby, oh Toby, has such high concentrations of maple syrup and grapefruit juice on him that adding peanut butter and jelly will surly become a balanced breakfast… He or She? HE OR SHE?!

More slapping, more targeting, more slapping, more DON’T THINK ABOUT IT JUST FIRE ON THE ERROR TO BALANCE THE BREAKFAST!

And so they turn and fire on Toby trying not to think about it…*


As for Seven?

NEED MILK NEED MILK NEED MILK NEED MILK NEED MILK

And endless loop of NEED MILK playing out of its voice processor as it feverishly scavenges Nova’s food stores for a key ingredient in a balanced breakfast…


4th wall chatter between KrewL and Seven about some formating error…

SEE IT WORKED NOW, WHY ISNT IT WORKING FOR THE BREAKFAST LOADER PART

Seven thinks really hard…

KrewL is Dumb.

I don’t See the Error… I am Dumb Too…

Both mentally scream as the * conundrum consumes their minds