The Ask The Aviants Holoshow!


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6012

GRAPEFRUIT?! BAH. DOES NOT GO WELL WITH TEA.

The Loader side steps the fruit bombardment with a few seconds to spare


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6013

BENEDICT:
I AIM TO PROVE YOU WRONG!!!

Benedict flies down from cover, narrowly avoids barrages of waffles, nuts, jam, and iced tea, and breaks off a piece of a large iced tea chunk that logically, should not exist. He then grabs a teabag, flies back to cover, opens his emergency mess kit, uses one of his spare rockets to flash melt the ice, sticks the teabag in it, squeezes in a little grapefruit, and drinks the concoction.

BENEDICT:
HA!!! SEE!!! I DIDN’T VOMIT OR NOTHIN!!!

KELVIN: (Internally)
Oh dear… a part of me is inside the flying one now.

BENEDICT:
YEAH Y’ALL!!! I’VE GOT THE POWER IN ME!!! Wait… Kelvin?

KELVIN: (Partially inside Benedict’s body)
Ah, good. You can hear me. Now it is imperative that you listen to…

BENEDICT:
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

KELVIN: (Partially inside Benedict’s body)
Please do not do anything irrational…


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6014

TEA Loader drops it’s perfectly balanced tea tray in absolute horror and shock. Unable to process this blasphemy, the Loader begins to smoke around the casing seams. A few second latter, it spits out a few sparks and slouches over, dead.

The NUT and JAM Loader hi five each-other, for the ■■■■■■■ sibling has been Defeated.


Suddenly, Seven barrels into the room screaming at full volume

BEHOLD. I HAVE THE MILK. SOON BREAKFAST COMBAT SHALL BE BALLAAA-4-4-444AAA012-3920-4-0329-0348609534870649-9056-4390-6 NOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOO. ERROR.

Seven slips on a puddle of frozen ice tea and falls to its side. It let go of the carton of milk to stabilize itself, and said carton sails majestically in the air. The hopper of Hyperion Breakfast Cereal with Fun Marshmellow Shapes also partly dumps onto the floor. Seven’s eye follows the airborne carton of milk as the big bot scrambles to right itself in time…


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6015

A few minutes later, Toby re-enters the battle sliding on his belly, and screaming an adorable warcry. In his flippers he carries a crude crossbow made from kitchenware, with makeshift bandoliers loaded with pieces of crispy bacon crisscrossed over his small chest, the feathers of which he has unsmoothed. On his back is slung a potato sack, which he opens as he slides to a stop next to Pam. From it, he takes what appears to be some sort of weaponized toaster, a bag of sliced bread, and a jar of strawberry jam. Toby opens the jar and screws it into the bottom of the improvised weapon, then inserts two pieces of bread into the toaster before pulling down the lever. He presses both it and the bag of bread into Pam’s disoriented flippers, and then slaps her on the back.

TOBY (savagely):
Come on, Pam! LET’S GO GET SOME ■■■■■■■ REVENGE!!

Toby hiccups cutely.


(Velocitas Est Vita) #6016

A claw sticks up from behind a crate and catches the carton of milk victoriously, a la Freddie Mercury:

Said claw tips the carton of milk back, and a beak is just visible opening widely to chug said carton of milk.

Ernest: OI! Leave me some, dammit!

Larry finishes the bottle and chucks the empty carton at Ernest, which bounces off his head, and wipes his beak.

Larry: Nah. You eat too much anyway.

He promptly doubles over, then straightens up, cracks his neck, and lets rip a mighty belch that echoes throughout the hangar.

Larry: Ah, sh*t… ugh. Wee bit of somethin’ came back up with that one…


(XB1: Abattoirista) #6017

The slap on the back manages to dislodge the grapefruit enough that she’s able to vigorously shake her head to dislodge the rest of it. Grapefruit pulp goes every which way. She growls with mighty adorable fury, her vision blurred from grapefruit juice in her eyes as she looks for Benedict, who’s managed to blast her twice now.

Ah, there he is. At least, as near as she can tell, that’s him.

PAM (with grim determination):
Yippie-ki-yay, mister falcon.

She then unloads both slots, firing the jam-covered toast… right at Larry’s face.

NOVA:
I’d say the obscure reference is worth a couple of Ops points, but you shot at the wrong guy, so oh well.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6018

Toby shrugs- he assumes Pam has it out for Larry, for whatever reason -and then aims his bacon crossbow, following up Pam’s toasty assault by firing a piece of bacon right into the half-breed’s beak.

TOBY (mockingly):
Give it a lick, see how it tastes! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6019

BENEDICT:
AW SH*T!!! HE’S OUT OF COVER! AW ■■■■!!! I’M OUTTA AMMO!!! QUICK, ICE WALL!

Benedict holds out his hand trying to force an ice wall into existence around Larry.

KELVIN: (In Benedict’s body)
It doesn’t work like that. Now if you’re done being an idiot…

Benedict lifts off and flies right at Larry.

BENEDICT:
SUBLIMATE POWERS, ACTIVATE!!!

KELVIN:
Will you just free the rest of me from the frozen iced tea already?


(Velocitas Est Vita) #6020

Larry staggers back from the sudden assault, trips on something and falls flat on his back, chewing on the bacon.

Larry: Actually not bad! Next time do it crispier!


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6021

Seven watches the almighty key ingrediant to an all balanced breakfast being slowly drunk, millisecond by painful millisecond. As the carton is casually thrown away, the big bot sinks back down to its knees and lets out a painful moan.

No. Milk Gone. Milk Gone. It’s Gone. Gone.

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6022

The battle grows quiet for several long seconds as the combatants take a moment of silence for Seven’s milk. It is at this moment that Toby accidentally fires a piece of bacon at the Constructor’s optic, which shatters into bits fit for a baked potato, although thankfully leaving the optic unscathed.

TOBY (whispering):
Sorry…!


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6023

Seven’s sorrow is so deep that it did not notice that tasty bacon attack. It picks up the empty milk carton and mumbles.

If no Milk. Breakfast cannot be Balanced…

NUT and JAM Loader walk out of cover and appoch their saddened creator. Both give the big bot a big hug and speak in unison.

It’s Ok. It’s Ok…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6024

Benedict slams into the floor next to the big bot and starts shouting seemingly to no one.

BENEDICT:
MAN, WHAT IN THE HELL IS THE POINT OF HAVIN’ YA INSIDE ME IF YA WON’T GIVE ME SUPERPOWERS?

NO YOU LISTEN TO ME! I AIN’T A DAMN HOTEL! YA WANNA STAY IN MY ASS, YA GOTTA PAY RENT! MY ASS AIN’T JUST SOME SH*THOLE, MY ASS IS A PALACE DAMMIT, AND YOU WILL PAY TRIBUTE TO YER SULTAN!

Oh? Well just where the hell did you take up residence?

What do ya mean ya don’t know?

Oh don’t mind her. That’s just Shalene.

She’s the female version of myself who lives in my head.

EXCUSE ME… SHALENE IS NOT YER FRIGGIN’ HOUSEKEEPER! SHE IS A STRONG, PROUD, INDEPENDENT, BUTEONEN GAL WHO DON’T NEED NO MAN! But chooses to stay with me because we’re in love.



Don’t worry ‘bout that. Just give us some privacy, Kelvin.

Yer screams of horror are really ruinin’ the mood a**hole


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6025

Seven slaps Benedict

You Speak like Bandit. Annoying. Be Quiet. Trying to Think.

And Seven Thinks: Aviant Larry Drank Milk. Is Bad. Milk inside Aviant Larry. Milk under Process of Digestion. You are What you Eat. Larry is Milk. LARRY IS MILK. LARRY IS MILK…

LARRY IS MILK. LARRY IS MILK. TARGETING LARRY WITH CEREAL ROUNDS. BREAKFAST WILL BE COMPLETE.

Seven hops right back up, aims that massive cereal fed turret right at Larry’s face, and opens fire.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6026

BENEDICT:
Did that robot just…

KELVIN: (in Benedict’s body)
Do not do anything impulsive.

BENEDICT:
Awww… HELL no!

KELVIN:
Benedict…

Benedict lifts off and lands on the robot’s back, scratching at one of its panels with his claws.

BENEDICT:
NO ONE SLAPS ME UNLESS THEY’RE ITCHING FOR A FIGHT DAMMIT!!!

KELVIN:
Sigh… I wonder if just this part of me goes through the emergency transport beacon if there will be two of me?


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6027

Toby suddenly goes rigid, dropping his bacon crossbow as his eyes go wide. He’s going to pee. He feels it coming and knows that, unless he can find a source of water in the next minute, he’ll piddle on the floor in front of everyone. On dry land. Again. Pam might even leave him for breaking his people’s most serious law a second time. Frantic, Toby waddles over to the large iced tea chunk that Benedict had broken a piece off of, quickly scrambles up on top of it, and goes potty. He sighs happily, not only because he has relieved himself, but because frozen water is not considered dry land among his prople. Smiling again, Toby hops off of the now piss-covered iced tea chunk- which is already starting to freeze over, with a yellowish hue on the top -picks up his weapon, and rejoins the food fight.


(Velocitas Est Vita) #6028

Larry looks at the turret. Oh sh*t.

Ernest: Language!

Larry turns to Ernest. Yeah, like you can- His response is cut short by a barrage of high-velocity cornflakes, which, unsurprisingly, sting like a bitch. Larry drops his pancake cannon and dives for the nearest piece of cover, swearing loudly in pain. Ernest snickers and peeks from behind his own crate, firing a couple of waffles at the constructor, and by extension, Benedict.


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6029

Seven is so damn focused at Balancing Breakfast that Benedict’s proximity barely registers. Seven is hyper-focused on nailing Larry with as much cereal and fun marshmallow shapes as possible.

Cannot Escape Milk infused Aviant. You are Chosen. You must Balance the Breakfast. Summit to Fiber and Fun Marshmallow Shapes.

The Pancake was dead on target at Seven’s eye, but the Big Bot started to quickly pace back and forth, trying to land a solid shot on Larry. The Pancake just plops onto the ground were seven was seconds ago… Then, Seven’s proximity alarm starts to blare as Benedict manages to lift a small corner of that pack panel he was clawing at.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6030

Benedict grabs for some wires and a small electronic box underneath the armor he had been clawing at.

BENEDICT:
I wonder what THIS’LL DO!!

He pulls.


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6031

Oh no, not those wires. Someone needs those wires to control their legs… Seven starts to erratically move about and it sequels in surprise as it looses target lock on Larry.

I AM NOT DANCING. I AM NOT DANCING. WHO? WHO ACCESSED PANEL? REROUTING LEG CONTROLS.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA2-09302189489375684-01032-01-2=03-0395490860940568-5509298395

Seven jerks about like an angry bull at a rodeo, trying to throw the rider off its back. That’s when the small electric box Benedict was pulling at gets yanked out. Benedict and said mysterious electronic box go flying from the sheer force of Seven’s malfunctioning dance. A few seconds later, Seven stiffens and falls over. Another few seconds pass and Seven slowly crawls back onto its legs, groaning

Where am I? Huh? Confused. What’s going On? Oh… Why does Everyone… Why does Everyone Look so… Look so… Soft? SOFT? SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!

Yanking on wires and things you shouldnt of puts Seven into an odd delerium. It forgot about the Breakfast Combat. It forgot about Ballance and Perfection. All it sees is all these nice, soft, fluffy, aviants. Ernest’s full and lush crest, Larry’s multiple coloured feathers, Pam and Toby’s smooth plump bodies, and Benedict huge fluffy wings… HUGE FLUFFY WINGS. FLUUUUUFFFFYYYYYYYYY! Seven turns towards Benedict and chatters excitedly.

aaaaaaaaa-0239-10249-31059-21093-091-04

ACTIVATING SNUGGLE MODE. SNUGGLES! SNUUUUUGGGGGLLESSSSS

The Big Bot outstretches all four arms and charges at Benedict


JAM and NUT Loader do a collective OH ■■■■, as they noticed the “sanity box” has been removed from their creator. Both sound the alarm in the collective Loaderbot communications network…