The Ask The Aviants Holoshow!


(Velocitas Est Vita) #6052

Ernest snickers and grins at Larry. Damn. Good one. That might keep him from bein’ an ass for a few days yet.

Larry chuckles. I dunno about days, but eh. Worth it!

Larry’s eyes widen. BEHIND!

Ernest turns just in time to meet a three-tonne constructor charging at him head-on, smacking his waffle sword out of his claws and sending him tumbling across the metal floor, groaning.


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6053

As Ernest tumbles across the battlegrounds, the physics toy with his tantalizing feathers. Floating and shaking and fluffing… This causes Seven to sequel in glee. The ultimate softness. ULTIMATE SOFTNESS.

The big bot circles its fluffy prey, arms slowly outstretching to grab a hold of the pinnacle of head poofiness. That’s when a bunch of irritating voices enter the internal comms channel… ANNOYING VOICES… NO. NO NEED REPAIR. AM FINE. GO AWAY. MUST HAVE THE SOFT. MUST HAVE. THE SOFT. THE ULTIMATE SOFT. NO.

The doors are kicked off its hinges as the LAB Loaders dramatically enter the battlegrounds, like all Matrix cinematic whoooshy and stuff … You know THE MATRIX WHOOOOSHY THINGY! When time stops and the camera just moves to the side, then time unfreezes as the doors like go flying. Rolling a 20 on the d20 for this part is like SO HARD TO WRITE GUYS!

The FIX Loaders then follow suit with sick action pose stuff. All 3 of them slide in like bad-asses, carrying a brand new sanity box between them.

Seven turns toward them, growling menacingly

NO. THE ULTIMATE SOFT IS MINE TO SNUGGLE. MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEEEEE!


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6054

TOBY (muffled):
Is it safe to come out now…? The pancakes are starting to get soggy…


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6055

NOVA:
I want to believe that’s melted butter leaking from underneath that pile. I really do.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6056

TOBY (shocked):
Pam…?!


(Velocitas Est Vita) #6057

Ernest groans and rolls over, yelling across the room toward Larry.

Ernest: Oi! Get my - gah - sword! Now!

Larry: Eh… nah. I’m good. I’m comfy here.


(XB1: Abattoirista) #6058

PAM (also muffled):
I think we all want to believe that.

PAM:
I’m fine, I’m fine. Probably.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6059

TOBY (dubious):
You didn’t get scared and accidentally shame our people…?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6060

Benedict hugs his Abridged Text of the Great Eagle close to his chest and rocks back and forth in front of his terminal as he types “Flight flightless abomination demonic powers HELP!!!” into the LLC’s Patented Sponsored Search Results Only Search Engine. He clicks the first link.

PAGE TEXT:
Welcome Brother or Sister to the Evangelizing Holy Redemption Church of the Holy Redeeming Redeemer. Please make a suggested donation of 1 credit to continue.


(XB1: Abattoirista) #6061

Pam thinks a second.

PAM (obviously carefully worded):
I may have gotten scared by Larry’s dark apotheosis. Or the pile of pancakes still on top of me. Or both. Anything further on the subject may require the presence of my attorney or a spiritual counselor of my choosing.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6062

TOBY (smugly):
All i’m hearing is that a certain someone won’t be able to use “that time you shamed our race” as leverage anymore.


(XB1: Abattoirista) #6063

PAM:
Ugh, fine, you win. mutters rassum frassum dark apotheosis speaks up Just help get these pancakes off me so I can use that iceberg you found.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6064

TOBY (deepening his voice):
At once, m’lady!

Uh… I saluted, but forgot you can’t see me… It was really chivalrous! A-Anyways…

TIME FOR SOME-

P-P-P-PENGUIN POWER!!

The congealing pancakes jiggle and shift for a few seconds as Toby makes a struggling grunt, then go slack again.

TOBY (panting):
Uh… Ernest…? A little help…? Larry…?!

SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS, WE’RE REALLY STUCK HERE!!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6065

Kelvin, who has now managed to free his greater bulk from the pee soaked ice, leans down into the pile of pancakes and whispers.

KELVIN:
How does it feel, Toby?


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6066

TOBY (confused):
Kelvin…? What are you doing here? How does WHAT feel?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6067

KELVIN:
Ah Toby, my old friend, do you know the Jennerit proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold, in ice.

Kelvin proceeds to freeze the outer layer of the giant pile of pancakes.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6068

TOBY (hopeful):
Am i really your friend…? Can you help us out of here?!

TOBY (getting it):
Oh… You were being sarcastic…

IT’S REALLY HARD TO TELL WHEN YOU ONLY TALK IN ONE TONE, YOU KNOW!! PLUS, WE’RE FINISCI, YOU MORON!! WE LIKE IT COLD!! HA!!

Seriously though, can we be friends…? I-I can help you move!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6069

KELVIN:
Is there someone here who can urinate on this frozen stack of pancakes?


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6070

TOBY (REALLY getting it this time):
Wait, WHAT?! NO ONE LISTEN TO HIM!! Uh, I-I mean “them”… Sorry… WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT SOMEONE TO PEE ON-

Oh. D-Dont do this! What if i let you have the 6000th post as an apology?! IT COMES WITH FREE DENTAL!!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6071

NOVA:
Oh hell no. I’m ninja stealing this post. #6,000. Nova FTW.