The Ask The Aviants Holoshow!


(XB1: Abattoirista) #6072

PAM:
Toby, what did you do?

PAM:
What? Why?

PAM:
Oh. My. Eagle. You can’t see it under these pancakes, but I’m face-flippering so hard right now.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6073

Meanwhile… in Benedict’s quarters…

BENEDICT:
F**K!!! HOW MANY FRIGGIN’ DONATIONS DO I HAVE TO MAKE BEFORE Y’ALL’LL LET ME SEE HOW TO DEAL WITH A G****MN FREAK BABY POSSESSION!!! THIS IS SERIOUS!!!


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6074

TOBY (muffled):
Uh… Can you let us go now, Kelvin…? I-I’ll pee on myself later, i swear! I SWEAR!!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6075

KELVIN:
I will consider letting you go.

A long pause.

I can’t think of anything good I want in return for letting you go.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6076

TOBY (thoughtfully):
Well, i had a collar that could make anyone your slave… I kinda lost it though…

Will you take credits…?


Meanwhile, at some undetermined future time, in Whiskey’s quarters…


Whiskey leans back on his couch with a blissful look on his face, eyes closed. On his neck is Toby’s control collar, which is currently set to shiatsu massage mode. The remote dangles from his limp hand.

WHISKEY (relaxed):
Mmm… ■■■■, yeah! I could get used to this…

Deande uncloaks next to him on the couch and snatches the remote, smiling mischievously at the Blue Devil’s surprised expression.

DEANDE:
I’LL handle this…

WHISKEY:
Oh, ■■■■!!


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6077

KELVIN:
I would like… a karaoke machine/ice spa. If you agree to build for me a karaoke machine/ice spa, I shall free you from your imprisonment.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6078

TOBY (muffled):
Do i have to build it? I’m pretty sure that Kleese has those in every one of his quarter’s four bathrooms… Speaking of which, have you seen his and Phoebe’s bathrooms?! I don’t think they even know what “half bathroom” means!


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6079

Seven squeals in anger as it is pinned down by the FIX Loaders. All Seven wants is…

SUPER.SOFT.AVIANT.CREST.FFEATHERS.MUST.HAVE.MUST.HAVE.RELEASE.ME.FOOLS.

Two of Sevens arms frantically reach out at Ernest as the FIX Loaders push Seven back into a corner, so they may commence repairs out of the combat scenario. The LAB Loaders follow behind, one barley dodging a stray pancake toss. Said bot curses and looks towards the direction the pancake came from. Said bot’s eye then widens in horror as it finds the source of said pancake toss…

Orendi grins wide as she spins flips a pancake in one of her arm. She tosses it straight up, grabs it with her two other free arms, and savagely takes a bite out of it. Her eyes widen and she hastily spits out what she just consumed.

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW

NOT ENOUGH BABIES. NEEDS MORE SHADOOOOOOWFIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE KEEEEEEEEEKKEEEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEEEE BURN BURN CHAOS CHAOS!

she cartwheels back to the pancake pile, shadowfire pillars it, and then begins tossing the infernal pancakes in chaotic directions


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6080

KELVIN:
Kleese’s karaoke machines are all regular spas. I want an ice spa.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6081

TOBY (muffled):
Fine, whatever! I-I’ll steal one of Kleese’s and covert it. Promise! Can you let us go now…? Please…?


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6082

Kelvin sublimates the frozen ice block (and pee) into vapor.

KELVIN:
I recommend holding your breath until you leave this room. And a shower.


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6083

Toby climbs out of the soggy pancake pile and does as suggested, then tries to thank Kelvin with flipper gestures, before getting frustrated and stomping off towards the bathroom.


(Super Badass Constructor ) #6084

Orendi cackles in glee as she pelts the entire battlegrounds with blackfire pancakes, yet as chaotic as she is, the chaos has other ideas. Every randomly pancake tossed misses. The walls become a flaming mess of black magic and pancake crumbs. It seems that the splatters form a vauge outline of a bunny rabbit… wait… no… its a milkshake… OH ITS NICK CAGES FACE… wait…

NO-N–NO-NO ORDENI HATES THIS. ORENDI NO PLAY THIS GAME ANYMORE. STUPID JAR OF GOLDEN GOOY STUFF. DIE. DIE. DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Orendi grabs a lone jar of honey and chucks it before rolling out of the room crying. This lone jar of honey sails majestically though the air towards a squirming Seven and the Loaderbots trying to repair it. The LAB Loaders have taken the “Sanity Box” out of the “Emergency Repair Box” and prepare to install it. Seven rages against the restraint that its FIX Loader minions are placing on it

NOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOO. IM FINE. IM FINE. JUST… LET ME… TOUCH. THE. HEAD FLUFFY. THE BIG PINK HEAD FLUFFY. NOOOOO PLEAAASEEE I NEED TO TROUCH IT… AAAAAAAAAA-092130-21954309534-210903-94093-5

As the LAB Loaders install the new sanity box, that gracefully jar of honey lands square center on said box, as if the forces of chaos rolled a natural 20, after all those critical pancake fails… Both LAB Loaders gaps as the jar shatters, getting honey all over the exposed circuitry. Seven begins to violently shake while spouting lines of code. The shake turns into a violent seizure that’s strong enough to knock all the Loaderbots away. Then suddenly, Seven falls over lifeless. A few Seconds later, and the Big Bot picks itself off, its eye frantically scanning around…

Inquiry? What is my Current Location. I am Confused. I… I… Bzzzz

Seven scampers off, totally forgetting about the Breakfast Combat. The recipe for a Perfect Balanced Breakfast Combat is lost to the wind as the Big Bot scampers off back to the Hyperion Snack and Experimentation Bar. Seven is also not aware that some alien code has entered its systems…

The Loaderbot gang casually get back off the floor, and run after their creator. They don’t seem concerned at all. It’s like the alien code has infiltrated the Hyperion Bot’s internal communications…


(Velocitas Est Vita) #6085

Ernest picks himself up with a groan, cracking his back painfully and flexing a claw. Larry snickers.

Larry: Gettin’ old, are we?

Ernest: You just wait, puke. Rate you’re goin’ you’ll be there in no time.

Larry: Nah. He looks across the hangar bay at a large yellow cloud. The hell is that?

Ernest: I do not wanna know. He walks over and picks up his waffle sword, somehow still in one piece, and rests it on his shoulder. I feel like I wanna test these on some Varelsi. Down?

Larry hefts his pancake cannon. Down. Let’s roll. I’m flyin’.

Ernest: Not after last time you f*ckin’ ain’t. You’re riding shotgun whether you like it or not.

The pair climb into a drop shuttle and take off after a moment, flying through the pressure shield and out into space.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6086

Moments later, Benedict rushes into the shuttle bay.

BENEDICT:
Alright, I’ve made ENOUGH damn donations! I’m goin’ down there IN PERSON to get me some REAL help! Shuttle! To the Evangelizing Holy Redemption Church of the Holy Redeeming Redeemer!

NOVA:
That shuttle is not voice activated.

BENEDICT:
STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A JACKASS!!!

Benedict takes the controls, lifts off, and flies through the pressure shield towards the Detritus Ring.


(XB1: Abattoirista) #6087

Pam, having also escaped the thawed pancakes and spent way too long showering after the breakfast combat, wanders onto the set.

Ironically, after everything, she’s hungry. She looks to see if anyone’s still maintaining the holoshow craft services table.


(Benedict's Glorious Wingspan) #6088

Benedict arrives at the Evangelizing Holy Redemption Church of the Holy Redeeming Redeemer, a giant palacial pile of crates and sheet metal on some nameless asteroid in the Detritus Ring. He runs up and knocks on the… door? I think?

BENEDICT:
HEY Y’ALL!!! OPEN UP!!! I NEED ME SOME SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE!!

FROM INSIDE:
GO AWAY!!! WE’RE CLOSED FOR A SPECIAL FUNCTION!

BENEDICT:
YA DON’T UNDERSTAND!! I GOT ME A DEMONIC POSSESSION! NOW LET ME IN!!!

Benedict puts his ear to the… let’s just go with “door” and make it simple.

BENEDICT:
What the hell is goin’ on in there?

Benedict blasts the door’s… ugh… the door’s… latch? I guess? He blasts it with his rocket launcher and his eyes go wide with shock. At the center of the shanty palace surrounded by candles is the worst possible sight Benedict could have ever imagined. He drops his launcher and points in accusation, his beak agape in horror at the sight of…

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(Super Badass Constructor ) #6089

Unfortunately, the Hyperion Snack and Experimentation Bar has been closed for some renovations. No one knows what that strange buzzingsound is all about behind those closed doors…


(Penguin connoisseur.) #6090

Toby returns to the set holding a cup of tea, and looking pissed.

TOBY (petulant):
HEY!! Who took all of the honey from the mess hall?! I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS!!


(Cast Iron Chef) #6091

Boldur drips the last of the honey on his head. He looks over at Toby completely covered with the stuff. Boldur’s bees are hungry so Boldur cover self with honey to feed Boldur’s bees! Come, Boldur bees! Come and eat off of Boldur! He laughs as the mentioned bees swarm into the mess hall and completely cover him. His voice is soon muffled by the sound of hundreds of bees buzzing simultaneously.