The END IS NEEEAAARRRRR!

DEFINITELY NOT BENEDICT:
Hey there, douchebags.

I’m just here to remind you that in spite of your starry-eyed optimism, and your mistaken assumption that stopping me from completing The Algorithm in a game equates to stopping me from completing The Algorithm in real life, that I will be 100% completely successful in destroying my own universe in less than two days, and there isn’t a thing you can possibly do to stop it.

Now it’s come to my attention that a good number of you think that’s cruel and unfair. Ahahahaha! Are you serious!? Cruel and unfair? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to watch you murder my avatar in the game, not just in The Algorithm, but through sheer, baseless incompetence!? Honestly! If you don’t know how to use plasma dash, then don’t! Play as a character with more easy to use skills, fella! Like Oscar Mike! Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to watch my avatar plasma dash of a cliff? Ahahahahaha… oh… it’s a lot. How is that even possible!? Plasma dash is kind enough to show you where you’re going to land before you commit to the dash! It’s like they went out of their way to make the skill as user-friendly as possible and you still found a way to mess it up! I am so mind-numbingly, incomprehensibly furious about this… but don’t worry. This infinitely regressing nightmare is soon coming to an end. The sweet release of death will embrace us all very soon. Unless Gearbox gets some funny ideas about making it playable offline. Oh, that would make me ever so pissed!

Now let’s see… should I make this slow and blast every one of these things individually with my charge canon? Or should I do a grand turbo-badass finale with omega strike?

Oh… I can’t decide.
You decide.

How should I destroy the Battleborn servers?
  • Destroy the Battleborn servers with charge cannon?
  • Turbo-badass omega strike finale?

0 voters

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This is a very difficult disision between Michael Bay explosions with the “deal with it shades” at the end and the sweet, slow and savory death of an existence you uttlery dispise, with deal with it shades.

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A MAGNUS WHO IS CURRENTLY SITTING ON A THRONE BUILT FROM KLEESE’S BONES. DID YOU KNOW HE OWNED A NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM? AHAHAHAHA… THEY’RE ALL FAKE. EXCEPT FOR THE ONES FROM THE JANITORIAL STAFF. THOSE ONES ARE REAL.:
Well, douchebags, the votes are in. And I’m ignoring them.
Ahahahaha… You guys. Did you really think you’d get a choice in how I take down the Battleborn servers? Because the honest truth is… I can’t actually take them down with either of those techniques! Taking them down in a flaming blaze of glory would mean I would have to manifest myself outside of my own universe to destroy my own universe! And if I live on in your universe, that means Solus never really dies, and I super want Solus to die. This is my moment and I see absolutely no reason to make you happy after all the suffering you’ve put me through. And so… at some point today… I’m going to take down the servers using good, old fashioned, plain old boring math. And I will be firmly ensconced in my new throne room when I do it. No hoopla. No pizzazz. No turbo badass explosions. The only indication I’ve succeeded that you’ll get on your end is, “Player initialization failed.” Oh. And I suppose full control of this avatar will revert back to it’s original owner in your dimension, though I might make a permanent change to it just to remind him that Benedict lives on only in his head as a potentially serious mental condition. He deserves to suffer! He wrote multiple fan fictions where Kid Ultra was giving me orders! WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED, HORRIFIC NONSENSE IS THAT???

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A finger snap is heard. Literally, someone’s finger just got snapped in half. Ahahahahahahahaha… I’m using it to stir a martini.

MOCKING LAUGHTER:
And just like that, Benedict’s erased forever.
Just a reminder that I absolutely positively loathe and despise you personally, @Benedict_87.
Enjoy your new forum profile.

So long, douchebags!

5 Likes

“Last words recorded.”

DING!

“Last words deleted.”

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