…
Wear Fancy Hats.
5 Likes
BENEDICT:
Wha… yeah… well… of course we’re gonna wear fancy hats. I meant, like, in what scenario should we wear fancy hats?
MECHABENEDICT:
A tactical battle training scenario would likely be the most beneficial for all of us.
Benedict gives them both a look.
BENEDICT:
Chronicle. I’m feelin’ lucky. Pick a program.
CHRONICLE:
Loading Finisci Sluts XII.
BENEDICT:
HEY! NO!!! NONONONONONONONONONO!!! I’ll pick a program! Dammit, no! In fact, delete that program altogether!
At Solus Inspection Station Sigma…
COLBY:
Oh… my god… did you hear what he said? He said “Sergeant Igrin!” OOOOOHHHHHH!!! ERNEST WAS HERE!!!
LUKAS: (Coughing up blood)
Not… ACKH ACKH ACKH… not an appropriate time for dat reaction Colby…
INSPECTOR:
Ouch, that looks like it hurts. Here, let me help.
The inspector pulls a handgun and points it at Lukas’ head.
On Ekkunar…
BEATRIX:
Pam. Pam. Relax. Relax. Nobody wants to kill your son. If she wanted him dead, she would’ve done it already. My guess is she wants him alive. Probably to control the sentinels. She probably also wants your husband alive so he can repair the sentinels. Although that still leaves the question of who decided to save me from the Jennerit embassy bombing. Oh, yeah. Did you hear about that? Not sure if you watch the news feeds…
5 Likes
Seven takes notice of “Finisci Sluts XII” the preview screen…
…
They have Fancy Hats.
Inquiry. Why is Benedict Freaking Out?
…
They have Removed Fancy Hats.
…
…
Um.
Inquiry. What are They Doing with Fancy Hats?
…
Are they Malfunctioning?
Very Confusing. Such odd Sounds.
5 Likes
BENEDICT: (Still freaked out)
ASK TOBY SOMETIME!!! Uh… uh… uh… AW SH*T!!! RONIN QUEST 3 IS HERE!!! AW YER GONNA LOVE THIS… YA PLAY AS A GROUP OF RONIN SAMURAI NINJAS…
MECHABENEDICT:
Don’t ronins work alone?
BENEDICT:
Shut-up! Ya play as a team of ronin samurai ninjas and it gives ya a randomly generated quest to complete. Aw ■■■■, this is gonna be awesome… CHRONICLE! Load my midnight owl costume!
CHRONICLE:
Sure thing chief!
In a flash of blue light, Benedict now appears dressed in what looks like a ninja costume, but with feathers and a cloth facewrapping hat and mask that gives the impression of a black owl.
MECHABENEDICT:
What is it with you and owls?
BENEDICT:
Owls are cool. Alright. Seven, ya got a costume ya like?
5 Likes
Seven touches the feathers on Benedicts outfit
…
I want Soft Feathers too. Lots of Soft Feathers. Samuri Ninja Armour with Soft Feathers like Ernest Head Crest.
5 Likes
Oscar Mike runs into the holodeck with what looks like black paint splattered all over his uniform. Hey bros! I heard you bros were gonna play RONIN QUEST 3! He looks around. Hey Mecha, hey what-ever-your-name-is-big robot. Where’s Benedict? I know I heard his voice. And who’s the bro in the owl costume? That’s a sweet disguise, bro. He extends a hand. Oscar Mike. A member of the UPR and totally not a clone. Who are you, bro?
5 Likes
Rex ignores the bickering and does his best to try and contain the bleeding given that he doesn’t have any medical equipment on him and he can only honestly claim the barest minimum of medical training.
He suddenly looks up at the inspector’s pistol and mutters ‘eff me’ under his breath. He tries to make eye contact with the guy, to draw his attention from Lukas at least. The rest of his offensive weaponry is in his duffel bag, so all he can do is hold the guy’s attention long enough for someone else to intervene.
He extends a wing between the inspector and Lukas – sure, it won’t stop a bullet and the consequences could be dire should the man shoot anyways. But Rex is more hoping the gesture gives him pause and it might at least make it harder to aim an execution shot.
REX (trying to keep his voice as even as possible):
Look, I don’t know what all led to this and I’m not burdened with an abundance of caring, but whatever’s going on doesn’t have to go down this way and I don’t think you really want it to go down this way. There’s no good reason why we can’t all walk away from this.
4 Likes
The inspector gives Rex a confused look.
INSPECTOR:
Whoa, wait, does he not have an emergency transport beacon?
COLBY:
No! None of us do!
INSPECTOR:
Oh, ■■■■. Good thing you stopped me. Hey, hey, Chris! I almost blew this guys brains all over the back of the shuttle! I thought he had an ETB!
CHRIS:
Hahahaha… nice.
LUKAS:
Could one of you idiots please call a medic? ACKH, ACKH… Please?
INSPECTOR:
Yeah, sure. Chris! Call a medic!
CHRIS:
Yep!
A few minutes later three medics enter with a stretcher and whisk Lukas off to the medical ward. Chris enters the shuttle with a sonic crowbar.
INSPECTOR:
He’ll be okay. Probably. Well, being that crispy chicken here tried to kill you, and the fact that I looked up your file and you’re supposed to be joining Ghalt’s crew, I assume you had nothing to do with any illegal smuggling activities. You wanna see what was in his hold?
COLBY:
Hell yeah I do! Open it up!
CHRONICLE:
Oohhh! What if I made you a custom Ernest costume? It’ll make you look just like him! Except bigger! And heavier! And flight capable. And a robot. And with a giant glowing red eye. But you’ll be covered in soft pink feathers and you’ll have a fabulous head crest at least! I promise!
Benedict glares at Oscar Mike and folds his arms.
BENEDICT:
I’m Hooty McOwl.
MECHABENEDICT: (Under his breath)
And someone forgot to lock the door again.
Hooty McOwl gives Mechabenedict the finger behind his back, outside of Oscar Mike’s view.
4 Likes
Rex’s eyes widen, in a universal display of ‘Are you frigging kidding me.’
Once they’ve got Lukas on the stretcher, Rex just sits and half-collapses into a bout of nervous laughter, just trying to let the adrenaline drain. Though at the first opportunity, he moves over to his duffel, puts the ruined ‘comm unit’ in a bag and tucks it away there to see later if there’s any parts he can re-use.
Rex wisely keeps to himself a wiseacre comment like ‘anything of questionable legality that I’m carrying is entirely for personal use.’ He nods in response to the question.
REX:
Sure, let’s check this thing out.
5 Likes
INSPECTOR:
Chris! Crack it open!
Colby takes out his phone and starts live streaming the event. Chris, with a gleeful smile, shoves the sonic crowbar into the floor and begins adjusting the harmonics to crack open the hold. After a minute or two, it finds a frequency that fractures the metal casing and unlocks the hold. The inspector pulls it open. A dim and flickering light snaps on. Colby starts to squeeze by him, but Chris blocks his path.
CHRIS:
Better let him go first. It could be booby trapped.
INSPECTOR:
Yep. He’s got some radiation emitters down here. Designed to liquefy organic matter when tripped. I think I can disable 'em…
They hear a snap.
INSPECTOR:
Got it! Come on down! Should be safe now!
Colby nudges his way past Chris and waddles down the steps.
COLBY:
Whoa! Those are industrial freezing units! Hey guys! He’s keeping industrial freezing units down here! WITH LIFE CONTROL STASIS MODULES!!! WHATEVER HE’S GOT DOWN HERE’S ALIVE!!!
INSPECTOR:
Probably some kind of hybrid yeast made with illegal substances. It’s like mixing drugs into the liquor. Highly addictive, real bad for the body, and worth a ton of cash on the black market.
He wipes the frost off the window on one of the freezers and frowns, looking at the window from different angles.
INSPECTOR:
Okay, that was… not what I was expecting. Could one of you aviants come over here please? I’ve never seen one of you guys’ eggs before and I wanna confirm. I mean it looks like an egg, but it’s a weird ass egg if it’s an egg. Is this what one of you guys’ eggs is supposed to look like?
5 Likes
At the mention of booby traps, Rex pulls a pocket toolkit ouf his bag and keeps it at the ready just in case. He lets Colby go first down the steps, as much to stay out of the camera’s field of vision as anything else.
REX:
Wait, what?
He steps up to one of the units to look in through the window. He squints a bit.
REX:
Whatever that is in there, he was willing to risk having to kill an entire squad of Aviant military and witnesses to keep it covered up. And the only reason he got caught was because his buddy tried something stupid to get in on some kraken BBQ.
Rex doesn’t hide the fact that something about this really worries him, even if he can’t quite put a talon on it.
5 Likes
…
The Most Fabulous Headcrest. It must be Super Fabulous. Fabulous and Combat Able. I want Enemies to View the Most Fabulous Headcrest. They will Emote “Well Damn. Observe that Most Fabulous Headcrest. We will all Die.” Most Fabulous Headcrest will Eclipse the Sun. Then. I Terminate the Bandits. So Fabulous. So Deadly.
5 Likes
CHRONICLE:
Oh, I can DO fabulous…
In a flash of blue light, Seven’s costume is created. The big bot is now covered in fluffy pink feathers with a brilliant, poofy, rainbow colored head crest. It’s giant red eye now appears as a giant Aviant eye that looks suspiciously like Ernest’s.
CHRONICLE:
Oh, and your spindly legs will now appear as metallic bird legs when they descend.
MECHABENEDICT:
Well, Oscar, if you’re gonna stick around, you’re probably gonna to need a costume, too.
BENEDICT:
What about you? Where’s yer costume?
MECHABENEDICT:
I… uh… er…
BENEDICT:
Oh no, this is gonna take a while. Alright. How ya feel about stetsons?
At Solus Inspection Station Sigma…
Lukas’ eyes blink open and he starts to lift off only to find himself restrained by his wrists and legs. His stomach hurts.
LUKAS:
What de… what have you done to me!?
MEDIC:
Relax. You took two bullets to the stomach. We had to restrain you. You got a bit delirious and started swiping your talons at everybody.
LUKAS:
Ah. I… I apologize den.
MEDIC:
Don’t worry about it. Happens all the time. We had a V’i’xeenax accidentally inject some of her larvae into my lab assistant one time. Damn things burrowed through her pancreas before we were…
LUKAS:
I… would… radder not hear about dis.
MEDIC:
But I didn’t even get to the funny part yet!
LUKAS:
Dat is okay… I… do not want to hear it. How are de odders?
MEDIC:
They were fine last I checked. They watched the inspectors crack open your crispy chicken friend’s hold.
LUKAS:
What was in dere?
MEDIC:
Bunch of eggs.
LUKAS:
He was smuggling unborn children!!???
MEDIC:
No, alien eggs. Well… technically you are an alien. Uh… not bird eggs. Well, at least not aviant eggs.
LUKAS:
Oh.
MEDIC:
We had the cryo units transferred to bio-hazard storage. Don’t worry. It’s a state of the art facility. The risk of something escaping and getting loose on the station is practically non-existent.
COMPUTER:
WARNING! BIO-HAZARD CONTAINMENT BREACH! LEVEL 5, POD J! BEGINNING LOCKDOWN PROCEDURES! ALL CIVILIAN AND NON-ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL PLEASE REPORT TO DESIGNATED SAFETY ZONES!
LUKAS: (Worried)
What was dat?
MEDIC: (Distracted and anxious)
Uh… oh… probably nothing. Don’t worry. The medical ward is a designated safety zone. You just focus on getting better, son!
The medic runs from the room.
LUKAS:
Uh… could you undo dese straps? Please? Someone? Hello?
Alarms begin blaring throughout the station.
LUKAS:
■■■■.
5 Likes
…
I am Pleased. I am Fabulous. I am Dangerous. Fear Me.
Seven poofs out its majestic rainbow headcrest to Maximum Poofyness.
5 Likes
Duncan awkwardly stands next to Rex and Colby in the medical ward’s waiting room, embarrassed and ashamed that he had been too shocked and absorbed by the earlier scene on the shuttle to do more than gawk stupidly. Suddenly…
Moments later, Duncan spots one of the medics who had taken Lukas into the emergency room suddenly run by, screaming hysterically.
DUNCAN:
Ah’m thinkin’ we should probahbly go check on Lukas…
5 Likes
Rex sits in the waiting room, resisting the urge to fidget with the gear in his bag. As useful as his homemade stunner was, it wouldn’t put anyone else at ease if he were to take something apart and make a fresh one just to pass the time.
Not that he’s in the room with Lukas and the medic, but Rex suddenly gets a chill, his wings twitching.
REX:
Anybody else feel that?
REX:
Eff me flyin’… yeah, let’s get in there.
He doesn’t bother with his whole bag, just grabs another one of his ‘repurposed’ handheld comm units and the sidearm he dug out after what happened. He waves for the others to follow as he rushes into the room, first priority making sure his new teammate is okay.
5 Likes
Lukas sees the others rushing in and begins shouting.
LUKAS:
Quickly, get me out of dese restraints!
COMPUTER:
WARNING! BIO-HAZARD CONTAINMENT BREACH! LEVEL 5, PODS C, D, E, F, G, H, I, K, AND L! LIFE FORM THREAT TYPE IDENTIFIED AS OMEGA 4! BREACH IN SECURITY CONTAINMENT! LEVEL 5! LOCKING DOWN INTRASTATION TRANSIT! ACCESS CORRIDOR ALPHA BREACHED! ALL NON-ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL AND CIVILIANS PLEASE PROCEED IN A CALM AND ORDERLY FASHION TO DOCKING BAYS AND SOLUS TRANSPORT SHUTTLES!
A MORE THREATENING COMPUTER VOICE:
PLEASE DO NOT OBSTRUCT EMERGENCY TRANSPORT BEACON PLATFORMS! SECURITY SQUADS REQUIRE THOSE PLATFORMS TO MAINTAIN ACCEPTABLE SAFETY STANDARDS!
COLBY: (From the hall)
Hey guys! What’s the code for the storage locker out here? All of Lukas’ guns and stuff are in there! Also, can I borrow someone’s credit badge? The vending machine keeps declining mine!
5 Likes
Duncan shares a glance with Rex.
DUNCAN:
Ah’ll go help Colby ta get Lukas’ gear, you unstrap him. It’s a pain in the tailfeathers to undo straps with ya beak.
Duncan runs back out into the hall, using his beak to get out his wallet as he does so, which he flicks over to Colby.
DUNCAN:
Get me a half dozen bags of those hoppa crisps, would’ya? If they have 'em, ah mean. As to this locka…
Duncan runs his eyes over the locker for a few seconds, evaluating it’s durability to see if it is too fortified to follow through with his plan. Satisfied that he won’t hurt himself, Duncan turns around in front of it and repeatedly kicks at the hinges, leaving some formidable dents in the locker’s door as he does so. After roughly half a minute, the hinges break, and the door falls off the front of the locker. Duncan then scoops up Lukas’ weapons and gear as quick as he can, and deposits them into his saddlebags with his beak. He turns back to Colby and then makes an odd face equivalent to a face palm, but minus the palm.
DUNCAN (muttering):
Damn it, why’d ah pay for snacks when ah could have just kicked the machine too?
5 Likes
Colby flips out his phone and shows him the video he uploaded to Facebird of Lukas getting electrocuted after attacking a commerce billboard.
COMPUTER:
ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL AND GUESTS, OUR SECURITY SQUADS ARE GIVING UP AND HEADING TO THE SOLUS TRANSPORT SHUTTLES! IT MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT THEY JUST GOT THEIR ASSES HANDED TO THEM AND AFTER RESPAWNING FIVE TIMES THEY’VE DECIDED, F**K IT, WE DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS SH*T! IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY, PLEASE RUN LIKE HELL TO THE NEAREST DOCKING BAY OR SOLUS TRANSPORT SHUTTLE! AVOID LEVEL 4 SECTIONS 21-56! AVOID LEVEL 5 ENTIRELY! AVOID MAIN REACTOR MAINTENANCE SHAFTS!
COLBY:
Alright, multitasking time. Pathfinder, please find us the quickest route to a transport shuttle or docking bay.
PATHFINDER:
Hiya, Colby! There are currently six unobstructed paths…
An explosion is heard in some distant part of the station. Colby cracks open a bag of freeze dried fish crackers and starts munching nervously.
PATHFINDER:
Recalculating… There are currently four unobstructed paths to evacuation vehicles. That explosion you just heard was one of the creatures getting aboard a Solus Transport. It was detonated with a full group of evacuees on board to prevent the spread of this alien menace. Approximately four fifths of them had emergency transport beacons and are just fine. The shortest paths provide the most likely routes to run into these seemingly unstoppable death machines. The longer paths are safer, but the longer you wait, the less shuttles there will be!
COLBY: (His mouth full of food)
Guys… hurry up in there!
5 Likes
Rex curses to himself as he rushes into the room and hears the other announcements.
Rex pauses, trying to figure out if his skills would be better used getting the locker open, when…
REX:
Okay, good call.
He rushes over to the table, trying to ignore the sounds of the thudding against the locker door as he starts working on the straps.
Rex pauses from what he’s doing and looks up at the ceiling as he hears that. He curses again under his breath as he gets the straps off of Lukas and offers him a hand up.
REX:
You okay to run?
5 Likes