Rath peeks his head into the simulation chamber.
RATH:
He looks like a fool. Hmmph… I will admit that he does look a little- What do you mortals call it? “Cool”. He looks like a cool fool.
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BENEDICT:
See? Even Rath likes it.
MECHABENEDICT:
He said I looked like a fool.
BENEDICT:
Yeah, but he also said ya looked cool. Look, the important thing is… do YOU like it?
Mechabenedict pauses.
MECHABENEDICT:
I…
He examines himself in the mirror.
MECHABENEDICT:
I do not dislike it.
BENEDICT:
Well, there ya go. Hey, Rath… yer a ninja… samurai… thing… ya wanna play Ronin Quest 3 with us? It’s right up yer alley!
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RATH (sputtering angrily):
Are you mocking me, bird?! I fail to protect my master, swear an oath of vengeance, and suddenly it’s “up my alley”?! Being a ronin is not a game, you fool; it’s a shameful existence, knowing that you’ve failed in your duty to do the one thing you’ve trained all your life to do!
Rath walks out in a huff.
…
Then he pokes his head back in.
RATH (curious):
Tell me… Can you simulate the villian as Rendain?
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BENEDICT:
Yeah. Ya can also make him really, really, REALLY flamboyant or eccentric too.
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RATH (feigning disinterest):
I suppose I can give your little Samurai game a look…
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Rex mostly sits back, focusing on keeping Lukas still and watching the meeting between Colby and Toby. He tries very hard not to laugh, because it’s just as funny in person as it was in his head, and he knows that cracking up is definitely gonna piss off someone. Eagle knows he could use a laugh after the day they’ve had, so he just keeps it inside for the moment.
REX:
Actually, if we do stop on either of them and there’s a Squirrel Nuggetz in the neighborhood, thanks to Lukas’ insane, pain-derived jabbering I’ve got a bit of a craving.
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ARCUS:
Hm. That’d be the LLC commerce comet, then. They’re the only ones with enough security to keep people from stealing their special sauce. Plotting a course. Get your orders ready.
BENEDICT:
Well, yer already dressed for the occasion, so… I won’t even bother with yer costume. OSCAR PUT DOWN THE DAMN LIPSTICK!! YER NOT BEIN’ THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!! Chronicle, load Rendain’s physical parameters into the simulation.
CHRONICLE:
DONE!
BENEDICT:
Alright… suggestions from the party… should Rendain be a serious threat or a f**king bat-■■■■ crazy joke? I can go either way. Mecha?
MECHABENEDICT:
I… suppose I could do whichever?
BENEDICT:
How about you guys, any… Oscar… lipstick… on the floor… NOW.
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REX:
That’s because it’s sauce good enough to steal. Not that I’ve ever tried to steal any myself, just… y’know. Offering an opinion. (awkward cough)
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PAM:
Sweety, are you hungry?
TOBY and JUNIOR (simultaneously):
Yes!
They look at each other and laugh.
PAM (smiling):
Let’s hope that there’s some menu items with Finisci in mind then.
RATH:
I don’t care, just so long as I am the one to part his head from his shoulders. Despite having done so thousands of times in this very chamber, I never tire of it. I have what Whiskey calls “a beef” with him.
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REX:
Actually, if it’s not too presumptuous, as a bit of a ‘thank you’ for your help I was thinking of treating you folks to one of their extra-large “Squirrel of the Sea” shrimp buckets.
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TOBY:
Are you kidding? That would be awesome of you! We, uh… Kinda don’t have any money… It’s a long story involving my son, Pygmy Aviants, and something Beatrix did to them in the past. We had to leave all of our stuff and fly off right away.
PAM (optimistic):
At least we’re okay, and there’s still the belongings in our quarters.
TOBY (muttering):
Yeah, if they didn’t airlock it all and give our rooms to The Lorrian…
PAM (frowning):
If they did, it might be because SOMEONE had to openly defy Ghalt again… Let’s just hope that you’re forgiven, after we safely bring in our new friends here.
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Seven eyes this “lip stick” curiously…
…
Inquiry? What is “Lip Stick”. Why is it Wrong?
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BENEDICT:
Technically there ain’t nothin’ wrong with it…
Benedict looks back in the direction of Oscar Mike and sees no one, but spots the lipstick slowly disappearing.
MECHABENEDICT:
It is a facial decoration similar to beak wax used by humanoid species whose physiologies feature sustenance intake ports with soft, discolored entrance portals known as “lips.”
BENEDICT:
Oscar, I see what yer doin’. Don’t make me come over there.
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Seven thinks for a few seconds before responding
…
Why Decorate Sustenance Intake Ports? Why Decorate Face? To be Fabulus?
…
Aviants have Pretty Feathers. Why Decorate More?
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MECHABENEDICT:
There are multiple possible reasons for decorating more. Insecurity about one’s appearance due to mental illness. Encouraged compulsive consumerism. A desire to be “the hottest.” Attempting to attract a mate. Attempting to keep a mate. Many traditional stage performers use makeup so that their facial features will not get washed out by the bright lights on the stage. For still others it is a cultural…
Oscar Mike screams as Benedict tackles his cloaked form.
BENEDICT:
I SAID “DROP IT” A**HOLE!!! I’M NOT DOIN’ THIS RESCUE YER PRINCESS BRO SH*T THIS PLAYTHROUGH! NOT AFTER LAST TIME!!
MECHABENEDICT:
Of course random unpredictable sapient stupidity is the most common reason among our allies.
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Seven absorbs all that the hybrid machine aviant says. When Bennedict suddenly tackles Oscar, Sevens lets out a robotic squeak. Its rainbow headcrest proofs right up in alarm and flashes into a techicolour rainbow light show
…
Is Random Stupid. IS RANDOM STUPIDS.
Aaaa0975426890755789
Seven proofs up all its feathers
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Orendi rushes in.
ORENDI:
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!! THE ULTIMATE POOOOOOOOOOFFFFFSSSSSS!!!
Orendi leaps onto Seven’s back and begins to fluff as much of the Constructor’s full body poof as possible.
ORENDI:
SO MUCH POOF!!! SO MUCH POOF!!! ORENDI CAN’T TAKE IT!!!
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Seven freezes in place as The Illogical One beings to roll all over its hood.
…
Illogical Being Detected.
Unshure how to Proceed.
I Require Assistance.
Orendi then flops over and frantically floofs up the hood feathers while yelling out
SNUGGLES SNUGHLES CAN OF SNUGGGGLEEESSSSSSS ORENDI WANTS TO HUGGLES HUUGLESSSSS.
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MECHABENEDICT:
A thought occurs.
Benedict grabs Orendi by her legs and tosses her out the simulation room door.
MECHABENEDICT:
Chronicle, lock doors.
CHRONICLE:
Command confirmed.
There is a soft thud as Chronicle secures the simulation room doors.
MECHABENEDICT:
And that’s how we solve our Orendi problems.
Orendi sits on her butt for a full minute staring at the door, her eye twitching. She then leaps up and runs towards the maintenance shaft which houses the simulation room’s control computers.
ORENDI:
You wanna throw Orendi out to play a fun game? Well now you play Orendi’s game…
She opens the protective paneling.
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Orendi sits there rocking side to side staring at all the wires and such. She scratches her chin as she looks over all the coloured wires and squeaks.
Red, blue, green, red, blue, green, RED, BLUUUUEEEE, GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
ORENDI’S NEW GAME IS, LICK THE LICORICE.
She sticks her head inside and begins to frantically lick the wires
RED TASTES LIKES BABIES, BLUE TASTES LIKE SNUGGLE BOT, GREEN TASTES LIKE…
She gets her tongue stuck around the green wire.
OOOOOOHHHAAATGHHHFFFFFFFBLLLRRRRFFFFFPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBFFFFFFFFFFF
She yanks her head back, promptly gets electrocuted, and Nullifies herself into the back wall. As her ETB goes off, the maintenance shaft begins to smoke and spark…
Meanwhile in the Simulation Room, the environment begins to flicker in and out of existence. With Orendi’s chaotic disaster in effect, the Simulator CPU is stuck in a loop trying to load environments from two different simulations. Ronin Quest 3 was the program selected, but now, two different environments are battling it out in loading mode. Somehow, the two dueling programs merge into each other, and successfully load.
The entire party now stands at the Starting Line of Feudal Japan. Eight starting spaces remain empty, waiting for character selection. A hybrid voice blares out around them with no distinguishable source, a mix between a samurai and a smooth epic action movie announcer.
Welcome to Killer Ronin Kart Quest Kombat Threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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