In the old forums I kept derailing threads by preaching about Nicotine Fairies, and Dr. Ted (called Greasy Broccoli on here) suggested that I make a thread about it so that I stop derailing. Here’s my post where it started: http://forums.gearboxsoftware.com/showpost.php?p=5179224&postcount=3 This thread is basically so Broccoli and I can have a back-and-forth verbal fight about the power of Nicotine Fairies and his power to stop them and take over Borderlands. Feel free to step in the fun if you want.
You doubted my power, so i destroyed on of you fairies’ energy factories. Now what are you going to do now? im slowing down you supply of energy.
Me and my dark Pixies and Lumber Jacks will take you and Mark Lanegan down.
I have to assume you’re constantly high ACNAero
Out of character: The image you posted isn’t working for me. Also, damn you came out swingin’.
In character: What do you mean? The nicotine fairies do not have energy factories; they’re f***ing fairies! They run on magic! Do not try to play mind games with the Priest of Mark’s Holy Kingdom!
Out of character: That’s all I can think of right now.
Actually, I’m straight edge. I’ve never drank alcohol, I’ve never done drugs, and I’ve never smoked. I’m just really weird.
Out of character: it was gif of a nuclear energy plant waving its arms an screaming as it collapsed on its self into a cloud of smoke.
In character: Wow, you forced me to waste my resources on that power plant, (i wonder who was using it), only to find out that your fairies didn’t even need it. I will find their weakness in time, and i will exploit it. I will first try salt, i will throw it at them until they can’t do anything, and the find a way to capture them without making them commit internal suicide. Then i will get them to tell me the secrets to you power.
In character: You can try, but you will never stop the magic of the Nicotine Fairies! Only someone as arrogant as that Handsome Jack fellow would think of trying to stop the glorious magic that fuels Pandora!
Out of character: What if you made this a string of odd side quests in that Adventures of Shade and Herbert game?
If you think that i cant win, then then you have already lost. The Pixies are going to invade in large armies, and pillage your fairies’s homes. And we will steal their children and and turn them to our side. Also we are going to steal you fairy dust and make weapons. You cant take my pixie dust because i already used it all. But i have a secret weapon to use when the time comes.
Out of character: I don’t know why i didn’t think of this, but i think i should integrate this into my game, i do not know where i could have gotten this idea from.
You think your Pixies will conquer, but King Mark has the allies in the Screaming Trees and the Queens of the Stone Age! You think your Pixies will defeat them?!
Out of character: Yeah, because I totally didn’t name that game for you Also, Screaming Trees and Queens of the Stone Age are bands that Mark used to sing in.
You eye are unfail-able , You cut through my deceitful plans as if… as if there is a traitor pixie! There must be an investigation into this matter at once
Your allies together could defeat me alone, but my power with the combined power of my allies have razed the fields of battle many times. Once my allies have joined forces, I will personally lead the march towards your realm. And my great General, Bobby the Bad*ss, is pretty strong in battle.
Out of Character: It is going to take me some time to think if who my allies are because i cant think of any…
Out of character: Hey, how about we use acronyms; IC (In character) and OC (Out of character.)
OC: Please use my suggestion.
IC: I shall die a thousand deaths in defending the nicotine fairies!
OC: Good idea.
IC: You did not answer me before. Will you accept the Knighthood granted to you by King Mark, RedSentinel?
IC: I shall except the title good sir. I shall serve the kingdom of King Mark by my life and dagger.
IC: Very good. As a Knight of King Mark, you have been granted with a power. When ever you are slay’n in battle, you shall be affected by the Nicotine Fairies’ power of time reset, bringing you back to life to fight again. Fight bravely, Sir Red.
IC: We could have been powerful allies, but you chose your side, and when the battle comes you shall not be spared. I have already sent my troop of pixies to that really small village that is a few meters north of that hill with the little well on it. I will wait for the report of the first victory in this war.
Your power to give you soldiers infinite life will be be the curse.
OC: How do we determine which side has won a battle? And im waiting for somebody to start their own side in this war, so they can be one of ours ally or both of our enemy.
OC: Broccoli, when you add this to the game, how should it be implemented? Should it be a climax of various battles, or should it be a Python-esque series of insults and threat making where no fighting actually happens?
IC: What a dastardly attack you have committed! Attacking a village during a Knighting! We shall be prepared for your next attack!
OC: Yes, I gave you this one. And to clarify the infinite life, it works the same way it does in Borderlands: he respawns at the point of origin, or in this case, King Mark’s Castle.
OC: Aero, what is your class?
IC: I propose a campaign. Perhaps someone should go out to the east, towards the land of the mist, and obtain the beast caster"s stone, so we can gain the loyalty of the beasts in the land, such as dragons and skages (skags). Also, if this is not already in place, we should arm our warriors with silver, to defend against potential demonic foes. Salt for wraiths, and Iron for pixies. (Whispers: But keep the iron from the fay, for it shall harm them too.)
PS: I accidentally replied to broc in the first post, forgive me for double posting.
OC: What do you mean by class?
IC: We shall not campaign just yet. This is a new enemy, one we have never faced before. Let us wait for our spies to bring back information about them before we charge.
OC: Class as in are you a knight, Priest, etc.
IC: Very well, I shall be training if my services are needed.
King Mark’s Head Priest of the Nicotine Fairies.