THIS MORNING…
Enter Ernest… walking up the corridor to Benedict’s quarters. He knocks.
ERNEST:
Benedict… listen up. I may have been a little harsh yesterday when I completely shut you down after you suggested I get drunk with you and use my grenades to try to blow a boomerang out of the sky. Although that was a profoundly irresponsible and stupid idea. As I made clear, grenades are not a toy. They are a tool. A weapon. And MUST be treated with respect. But that said… after talking with Captain Ghalt this morning… I realize it was your way of trying to connect with me, and as your new superior officer—Captain Ghalt promoted me last night by the way—I should try to build a relationship with those under my command. So… while I will not under any circumstances get drunk and treat my explosives with disrespect, I would like to get to know you better. So I thought… maybe… you’d… um… um… crap I dunno… um… OH!!! Maybe you’d like to come to the gym with me to do some push-ups?
Benedict’s door immediately opens and Ernest is met at eye level by Montana’s glistening abs. He slowly looks up and sees the biggest, most frightening grin he has ever experienced in his life. A chill runs down his spine.
MONTANA:
Did you say push-ups? I LOVE PUSH-UPS!!! OH YOU’VE GOTTA SEE ME BENCH PRESS!!! YOU’VE GOTTA SEE ME BENCH PRESS!!!
Montana immediately grabs Ernest, slings him over his back, and begins a merry dash down to the gym. Ernest cries out as they disappear around the corner.
ERNEST:
Montana! I… I was trying to speak with Benedict… This isn’t what I meant… BENEDICT!!! HELP!!!
Benedict and El Dragón stand in the doorway.
EL DRAGÓN:
Well… I guess he’s not gonna make us flapjacks now.
BENEDICT:
(With a broad smile)
Hey, we can still have fun. You ever try snake stir fry?
EL DRAGÓN:
No.
BENEDICT:
Oh man… I make a wicked nasty snake stir fry… you gotta try it.
EL DRAGÓN:
(Thinks)
Well since we’re trying new things… have you ever seen “Invierno en el jardín de la pasión?”
BENEDICT:
What is that, some Mexican soap opera?
EL DRAGÓN:
(Passionately)
“Invierno en el jardín de la pasión” is NOT JUST SOME MEXICAN SOAP OPERA!!! IT IS EMOTION!!! IT IS BEAUTY!!! IT IS PASSION!!! IT IS DRAMA!!!
BENEDICT:
Does it have subtitles?
EL DRAGÓN:
Well… it should really be watched in its original language to be truly appreciated, but yes I can turn on the subtitles for you.
BENEDICT:
Sweet. Well… looks like our afternoon’s set.
Door closes. The Montana theme song can be heard beginning faintly from the gym. Followed several seconds later by Montana’s distant voice screaming “HELL YEAH!!!”