The Marcus / Straw / Lasers Incident



What happened with Marcus and a straw to keep lasers being available on Pandora?

They said don’t ask if you value your life!

The Terminator appears to kill you.

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Risk your life with me!

No! I still have to get laid so many records to collect!

I want THEORIES, people!

He drew the short straw.

That’s all I got.

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So Marcus was selling this Cryo Laser to a high paying customer, but the problem is, cryo can’t be utilized on Pandora because of the heat, while on Elpis you can easily harvest cryo from the atmosphere. Marcus tried using a straw to replace the cryogenic input system in the laser, and half assedly sold it to his client. His client used the laser and it EXPLODED LIKE F*CK (TORGUE APPROVES), the client died and his relatives sued Marcus. The client was well connected, so Marcus had to hire a lot of assassins, and there are still those hunting down Marcus, as the bounty for this lawsuit is high. So mentioning this will easily get you on the list.

I infrequently perish, I NEVER DIE, I don’t want to, I have a lot of lolico- I mean loot that needs to be farmed.

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The straw stole all the lasers.


Fixed that for you

My birds! They wouldn’t do that, would they? lol

You can never be sure…

Eerie music.

Well we know that Moxxi was on the moon, and that’s a fact, maybe she was going to bring some lasers to Marcus but he wanted to put his “straw” inside her and she was like nah, keep selling your ■■■■■■ post patch evil smashers

I like this theory LOL

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I want to know why lasers weren’t on Pandora too, it sucks they never revealed it but I guess it goes hand in hand with the Oz kits I know they needed it on elpis but the butt slam mechanic can be brought to Pandora I haven’t played TPS in about 4 months but from what I remember it didn’t require oxygen to do the slams and I thought that they were much better then relics IMO.