feel free to invite me if you need to talk 
PS: Oh dear - it´s 4:33 in the morning here, might be I´m off to bed within the next hour.
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Wow man.
So very similar to my situation.
Almost identical.
Got lucky enough to spend a very nice couple of months with a girl I met through my schooler year.
My dog Beefy (who I loooove soooo much bi also feel guilty for not giving him as much love / attention as I should) is not dead or sick but IS getting old (13 now, I think!) and has a weird patch on his back where his hair is getting weirdly thin and his legs are always sore.
I am lucky enough to have a couple family members who I am very close with and see fairly frequently, but, aside from online, all my friends are gone aside from a couple school people…
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~hugs~
As proposed - just move it into a PM, so the posts are not public. It´s hard to talk about such things and even though we are all more or less anonym strangers towards another, it might be more comfortable to talk about such issues in a smaller circle.
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If people are comfortable sharing publicly though why not?
No offence intended, Ganjy, simply curious!
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Breaking Character…
The hardest part of helping yourself is getting over what others think of you, especially in today’s world where social media seemingly forces you to be constantly on your guard and worrying about how you appear to others. If you are constantly worrying about keeping up appearances and making sure you’re everything to everyone, you will never discover yourself and what makes you special. It is impossible to be everything to everyone, it is impossible to please everyone. Even attempting to please everyone can make someone dislike you.
The trick is to discover who and what you really care about, and to build yourself up so that you can have the strength to stand against the storm, and even protect and reinforce the ones you really love so that they have the strength to stand with you.
Being giving and helpful to everyone is an admirable trait. Caring about others is an admirable trait. But even admirable traits, when taken to excess, can become harmful. After all, if you are constantly giving away pieces of your house, how long will it be before the foundation collapses?
I will echo what has already been said in this thread…
- Don’t be afraid to share with a professional counselor or someone you trust.
- Cut back on the drinking.
- Cut back on the marijuana (especially high THC content designer marijuana that has been manufactured to be more potent. That stuff’ll f**k you up).
And now something original… sort of… at least in this thread…
Don’t be afraid of discovering who you are, and don’t be afraid of taking a break from the expectations of others to rebuild your foundation. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of others, don’t go to Facebook, or Twitter, or another social media site where others will judge you for not returning a post, or not acknowledging a friend request. Leave a big message saying, “I need a break from this. I’ll be back in a day or two, or a week, or however long it takes.” Hurting yourself just to get by will only make your foundation collapse, and you won’t be able to give anything. Taking the time to rebuild your foundation is paramount to a sustainable life.
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Mira, in some cases I feel it is better to be more open about it so others can learn. Even if they’re not part of the forum or something. Maybe unlikely it happens but that’s how I think about it.
Also @Benedict_87 nails it, really.
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I´ve a couple of things I could talk about that may or may not help you, but I rather would not do it in an open thread, that´s all.
Still tying to get over the loss of my Dad last year. Got a nasty tinnitus since then, screaming in my ear for over 13 months now. Day and night.
I had depression and my own issues long time, but when got the tinnitus struggle became real. There were days in which I just wanted to go deaf, stop being, stop this noise…
But I did´nt go deaf. And I did not die… Sometimes I really wonder how I managed the first months.
It´s often getting louder the more I´m stressed, and I´m often stressed due to being self-employed. So I tried to re-schedule my work. I started doing things for me, not my job. Started gaming again. Started to care for my body instead of hating it.
All these little things really helped with my depressive issues, my self image and to calm the tinnitus.
Still think I need therapy to overcome it, but I´m to afraid to hear it´s caused by a braintumor. So I proceed to “unstress” myself and to face that I´m alive.
Indeed he does - well said @Benedict_87 !
Amen.
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A big “breaking point” for me lately was my paranoia and lack of self confidence had me either worried that something I had imagined doing, well that’s an awkward way to say it, but like worrying that my online friends (including you guys), who I deeply love and respect and who legit keep me sane, were “mad at me” just because maybe they were busy or just not feeling social and so maybe didn’t respond quickly enough or with enough detail to me on PSN, and this led to me pestering some of them as I sought validation.
I know people like and respect me and think I’m a good person.
I need to have faith in that and stop emotionally needfully pestering people until they maybe actually DO drop me as a friend.
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Wow, you guys are so brave to come out and post stuff like this!
Respect!
Thanks again, everyone, this has really given me perspective on a lot of things!
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That tinnitus thing sounds crazy - is there maybe an operation or something for it?
I guess you already said yeah probably but you are afraid they may discover something else!
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I know tht feeling, but I was always to shy and unconfident to pester people… I just dropped put of many chats in my past because I felt not vital to the group.
That´s what I did in RL-groups of all kinds too, simply because I felt and believed “Mira is not important here”.
Later (after I dropped out of school) I recognized how any people knew me, remembered my birthdays or called me. I never knew I had so left so many impressions on others.
So I try to tell myself “I´m a part of this thing and that´s good, because now there´s 100% more Mira in it”.
Not that it works always, but often it does^^
You´re a big part of this community and you´re a part of other´s lifes - that does´nt stop just because someone does´nt reply to you in a day. You´re still part of his/her life. They still know you´re name and their opinion of you won´t change over night.
Trust your own choice of friends a little more - you would not hang out with us if we were ■■■■■■■■. It´s a good indicator that we are on your side.
This must be so hard… Me & Sm0ke were best friends for a long time before we got together, it was quiet painfull…(especially because he had a girlfriend and I was trying to be happy for him and support him as friend)
When I finally told him (after his GF left him in a quiet cruel manner) we were ■■■■■■■ afraid to ruin our friendship. So we talked. Alot. More than all the years before.
During these talks I learned that we´d be friends forever, because we could talk about literally everything without judging each other.
It was still a jump into faith though. In any case I really hope the best for you @MidnightNova , you deserve love!
Nope, only therapy to learn to live with the noise. Its like living next to a airport - after a while you don´t hear the planes so loud anymore.
If it would be a tumor, well then it would involve opening my skull and operate on my brain…not sure if I could face that.
In a way it´s like a constant fight that gives me strength, although it takes all strength to fight it. Hard to explain…
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Alright, let’s see if I can find some way to constructively contribute to this thread…
Annnnnd yup. Everyone’s already said it.
I would say don’t go completely cold turkey on the stuff - withdrawal symptoms are a lot easier to handle if it’s a gradual winding down process.
And to add my own stuff in - stick around your dog. Take them for long walks, teach them a new trick, buy them a new toy, something like that. Pet happiness can be contagious.
Here’s my doggo, thinking she can drive herself to the beach:
Hope you feel better soon.
That’s unoriginal as hell. But you know.
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She’s adorable!
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Yeah… There’s nothing that i can contribute here this late in the game that hasn’t already been said. Like, LITERALLY nothing… Ya’ll are some wise mofos, dropin’ some seriously heavy sh*t! All i can add, @FlamesForAll, is that all these wise mofos obviously care about you, and that this thread is ALL you need to remind yourself of whenever you start thinking that nobody likes you. Just poke your head on in here and refresh yourself on the positive emotions and heartfelt advice that your friends have left here for you.
Okay… I DID just think of something that only i can contribute…
I can’t stress enough how much you should avoid trying to hide from your issues by investing an EXTREMELY unhealthy portion of your life into role-playing an insecure talking penguin… Seriously, i do not recommend it. At all. I am broken now…
(I reallyreallyREALLY hope that you feel better, dude! Let Cam know if there is any way he can help!)
Sighs.
What Toby said…
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I’m glad you started this thread Flames. I love how kind and sympathetic this forum can be.
I too am going through a rough patch, which isn’t unusual for me (I have long term mental health problems) but that doesn’t make it less painful. It’s also a source of big anixiety for me because it interferes with my ability to work, and my PhD supervisor doesn’t really know about the extent of my diagnosis. I really don’t want to talk to him about that, it’s my thing and mine alone, but it puts me in a bind when I don’t have much work to show for my time.
This is something I’ve been through too. I really don’t want to go to a counsellor again, for several reasons. It’s hard meeting someone new and trying to trust them. My illness is a long story and I dont enjoy dredging it up. I’m not good at talking about very deep things, and part of it isn’t a question of being good at it or brave enough, I just don’t want to. Also, without wishing to be disrespectful to university counselling services which are available to me, in my experience they’re not always used to dealing with very serious mental health problems and can be shocked by how bad things have been for me in the past, which is a very humiliating reaction to receive.
Sympathies here too. I find my diet hard to control when I’m depressed (something my doctors tend to be very unsympathetic about) and I have to be kind to myself about it.
Regarding drinking, a person close to me who’s had problems with it told me a wise maxim: alcohol is a good servant and a poor master. This is really true. It can be a lot of fun to drink but it’s best not to let it get on top of you (though I go back to my sympathies - it’s not always possible to control everything in our lives).
I hope things improve for you, and thanks for giving me the opportunity to share.
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{ Puts on big floppy professor hat }: you really should talk to them about this, though, as it’s NOT a good thing from the student-supervisor relationship POV, and you really need them on your side. I would suggest having a word with someone within your university about this, and how to approach it. There’s usually someone attached to the graduate office or student advising; if you’re seeing someone about the mental health issues, maybe raise it with them too. I know it’s a difficult subject to raise, and it can be really hard to predict how the supervisor will react (one reason why I suggest talking to someone else inside the system but not part of your supervision first.) But you really don’t want your supervisor thinking you’re a total flake, because you’re very obviously NOT. You got this far, dammit, despite the difficulties; you may just need a different approach from your supervisor to see you through the last stages.
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RE: Roleplaying.
Yeah, that. I’ve spend a good amount of time last year on Fallout: New Vegas (250 hours, roughly), and on my third character I ended up writing a complete backstory and all. Deeply roleplayed as escapism. Ditto for the RP thread here on the forums.
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@MidnightNova, @HandsomeCam:
While it can be about escape, RP can also be a place to (somewhat more) safely explore and express the issues that are causing anxiety. Just like how sometimes cosplay can be a real confidence builder.
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