My name is Toby… And i’m adorable. There; i said it… I ADMIT it… There really isn’t a way for me to spread that over three hundred words, so i thought i’d talk about why i hate being CALLED cute and adorable instead… I hope that’s okay, @AncientBelgareth…
Even by Finisci standards, i’m considered childishly cute, and it’s caused me more grief- more PAIN -then i both can or WANT to describe in a few hundred words… It started with my birth, obviously; during which my mother died, leaving my father to care for me alone. I’m pretty sure he hated me for that, and the fact that i had a perpetual blush probably didn’t help. Maybe hate is a strong word; i’m not really sure that a parent CAN hate their child… But he was ashamed of me, and there was never any doubt of that…
I don’t think that i need to go into detail about how things went for me at school, acceptance-wise. I mean, my TEACHERS liked me because i was a good student, and the other Finisci kids thought i was a suck-up; but the truth was that i clung to my teachers for protection… I got my ass beat nearly every day on my way home from both grade school and high school, and i went home to a father who was probably happy to see it; who probably wished he had done it himself sometimes… I tried to hide my blush with white makeup in high school, and it worked for a time; but then the kids who knew me from grade school eventually spread the word, and i soon found myself getting beaten for being a makeup-wearing sissy too…
When Menneck-B got darkened, i thought it would be a fresh start for me, and i elected to join the UPR to make a new name for myself. I was 26, i had a genius-level intelligence in engineering, and there was no WAY they were going to say no to THAT, right? Well, not if you’re cute, apparently… Not only did i get rejected for combat, the recruiter humiliated me; i’ll admit that it broke me. I found myself getting more angry- more VIOLENT! -and i liked it! I swore that no one else would ever mock my appearance uncontested again! Of course, that wasn’t entirely realistic… I mean… I HAVE killed over it, and i’m sure that i’ll kill over it again; but sometimes there are instances when there is absolutely NOTHING i can do about it but get mad… Get mad to mask my shame… These forums are one of those instances where i am powerless to do anything when someone mocks my appearance; and unfortunately, some people seem to know it, and apparently take pride in being able to hurt me without consequence…
I’ll get by though, i suppose; because it’s all i’ve ever known… I’m 42 years old, and i look like an adorable child… Just try and remember that there’s 42 years of pain behind this face the next time you mock it, please; that’s all i ask…
I-I’m sorry if it’s over or under the 300 word limit, because it hurt too much to check… I’m sorry…