Toby in Hell: The Gearbox Multiverse Role Play Afterlife

Welcome to the Gearbox Role Play Afterlife.
What is dead may never die…


Toby awakens on a hot black pavement and feels his back aching with pain. He attempts to grimace and feels his face ache with the motion. He slowly sits up and looks down in horror as he sees his entire body blistery and gray with sunburn. He screams and turns slowly, surveying his surroundings. Reflective pyramids rise up in every direction arounf him. A heat mist rises from the pavement he finds himself on. There are four suns beaming down upon him, and there is absolutely no shade anywhere. The buildings only amplify the heat and light from the suns. He begins to hyperventilate.

TOBY:
Oh god… what… where… what… WHAT THE HELL???

SQUIRT:
Yeah, pretty much.

Toby jumps and turns around. Squirt stands before him wearing a beer hat filled with ice cold margaritas. Above him floats a leafy umbrella that occasionally sprays a cooling mist down upon him from a flower dangling from its underside.

SQUIRT:
And I’m yer eternal punishment a**hole.

Squirt draws back and punches Toby in the face. He sprawls back down on the sorching hot pavement. Toby trembles in fear and looks back up as Squirt takes a nice long sip from his beer hat and screams.

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TOBY (desperately):
W-Why am i in HELL?! I DIDN’T WANT TO KILL ANYONE, THE VARELSI MADE ME-

Toby suddenly stops and turns to Squirt, beak agape and eyes eide. Squirt grins sadisticly and points at himself.

SQUIRT:
That’s right, assh*le… Ya killed me and now yer MINE! FOR ALL OF ETERNITY, Y’ALL!!

Toby falls to his knees and starts sobbing hysterically, occasionally wailing that he’ll never see Pam again…

SQUIRT:
Nah, Pam is here too…

Toby looks at Squirt with a look of intense fury and hatred.

TOBY:
WHAT?! PAM IS HERE?! YOU EVIL ASSH*LES SENT MY PAM TO HELL?!

NEGA-PAM (from behind Toby):
Hello, Toby…

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Nega-Pam is dressed in a maid’s outfit. Her cybernetic components are gone. A large female hen is following her around with a floating leafy umbrella of her own and a pointy stick.

HEN-RIETTA: (Get it? lolz)
EXCUSE ME!!! I DIDN’T SAY YA COULD STOP AND TALK TO YER OLD BOYFRIEND!!! KEEP CLEANIN’, OTHERWISE I’M GONNA HAVE TO PULL ME OUT MY SPANKIN’ STICK!!!

Tears run down Nega-Pam’s cheeks as she bends over and begins licking Hen-rietta’s talons.

NEGA-PAM: (In between licks)
All things considered, I think I got it worse.

Hen-rietta spanks her with a horse whip.

NEGA-PAM:
OW!!!

HEN-RIETTA:
NO TALKIN’!!!

Toby turns back to Squirt.

SQUIRT:
Yeah. No. I ain’t gonna make ya lick my talons. Mostly cuz that’s real gross…

HEN-RIETTA:
Yer missin’ out boy!

SQUIRT:
Hen-rietta, there’s a reason you won “Least F**kable Bird” in the Eternal Nesting Grounds Gossip Poll last week!

HEN-RIETTA:
DON’T HATE IT TILL YA TRIED IT!

TOBY: (Disgusted)
How did that MOTHER HEN get into the Eternal Nesting Grounds!!!???

SQUIRT:
Hen-rietta was a Finisci schoolteacher. I think her name was…

HEN-RIETTA:
MISS BONAPARTE!!!

SQUIRT:
Yeah that. Anyway… she did a lot of good in life for the Finisci. And then, Nega-Pam came to her neighborhood, and all the people she tried to help joined her. She tried to oppose ‘em, sayin’ mass murder by chemical weapons was wrong, she tried everything she could to keep ‘em from joinin’ Nega-Pam, and they… they uh…

HEN-RIETTA:
Let’s just say I didn’t wanna spend eternity as a Finisci after that!

SQUIRT:
Yeah.

Squirt punches him in the face again. Toby spins around and tries to slap him back. His hand passes right through him and falls back to the pavement.

SQUIRT:
Yeah, it don’t work both ways a**hole.

Squirt kicks him in the stomach and takes another sip of his margaritas.

SQUIRT:
If ya had just killed me it’d be different. But ya killed a bunch of yer own people too. And don’t give me that “Varelsi made me do it” bullsh*t… the Great Eagle sees all. The truth is, ya could’ve resisted harder if ya really wanted to. The truth is… ya kind of enjoyed it. And don’t even try to deny it. The Great Eagle sees all, man.

HEN-RIETTA:
DON’T BE A KISS UP, A**HOLE!!!

SQUIRT:
I AIN’T BEIN’ A KISS UP… C’mon Toby… let’s get away from freak show here. I’ve got such… wonderful things… to show ya…

He cackles and grabs Toby. They start to float away from the land of pyramids and pavement. Nega-Pam looks up at him with one last sad glance before Miss Bonaparte/Hen-rietta brings the horse whip down on her head again.

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TOBY (sneering):
So what if i did? Do you have any idea how GOOD it feels to be the one on the giving end of pain after you’ve been on the receiving end for so long?! To FINALLY let out all that pent up hatred?! I’m what Avian society made me, and we both know they’ll be more flighties than Finisci here when we’re all tallied up…

TOBY (coldly):
Then i guess i can look foward to Benny’s company eventually…

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Squirt whacks him upside the head.

SQUIRT:
One. Ya killed yer OWN people. When did YER OWN people EVER beat ya up? Except Nega-Pam. And Pam that one time when ya said her sun hat made her look fat. And Jeremy in prep school. And Barry… and Sheila… never mind. Doesn’t excuse mass murder of innocents. I mean… when did CHILDREN ever… ok. Yeah. That ONE time ya got beat up by little Finisci kids. That ONE time… LOOK! The point is ya ain’t supposed to enjoy it.Two… the jury’s still out on Benny. He’s done a lotta good, but he is just an unbelievable jackass sometimes, and he’s also done his fair share of bad. His life ain’t over yet. Plenty of time for good or bad decisions, and it ain’t yer place to make preemptive judgments. Oh. And we’re here.

Squirt and Toby find themselves in a technicolor wonderland surrounded by stuffed animals and adorable memorabilia. Everything around Toby is soft and cuddly and…

The children enter screaming. Squirt grins.

SQUIRT:
Oh, when I said I was yer eternal punishment? I should have said ONE of yer enternal punishments. Like I wanna spend all eternity beatin’ yer ugly ass. Although I DO enjoy beatin’ yer ugly ass. After a while though that’d be hell for me. I think I’m gonna stay an’ watch this though. Watch out for Kevin. He blows snot bubbles.

CHILDREN:
PENGUIINNNNNNN!!!

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TOBY (trembling with rage):
You think i wanted to kill my OWN PEOPLE?! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?! I don’t know how you learned about my past, but you OBVIOUSLY don’t know everything about me if you think THAT! I WANTED TO HELP THEM!! The Varelsi gave me the power i wanted, and yes, i ENJOYED every second of it; but they also suppressed my emotions towards who i hurt! I knew who i was hurting, but it’s not that i DIDN’T care; i COULDN’T care! I was their puppet… No matter HOW much i enjoyed it. Enjoying hurting others because YOU’VE been hurt might be wrong, but i can’t help who i am… I guess who i could’ve been had i been treated kindly thoughout life doesn’t count for anything… Pam entered my life just a little too late to save me…

TOBY (Gravely):
I’ll tell you something else, Squirt… If helping out some Finisci by teaching them justifies treating an angel like MY Pam like that BITCH did, then the Great Eagle is INSANE…

Squirt kicks Toby onto the floor of his first punishment’s scene with a snarl, furious at Toby’s blasphemy. Toby gets up slowly and turns to Squirt with a smirk.

TOBY (quietly): Sure… Push me down… Empower yourself on the weak, just like you flighties love to do… This place is a joke… By the way, If getting toyed with by a bunch of kids is your idea of hell for me, then you had better try harder, or you’re going to have a hard time of it. I’ve always known that i’m cute, Squirt… I may have done some terrible things to the people who said it to me, and i may even have denied it… But i knew… All this is going to accomplish is making me ashamed of who i am on the outside, NOT the inside…

TOBY (Tearing up):
But i AM ashamed of what i’ve done, Squirt… I am… Just don’t think that anything you can do to me will hurt me worse than i already feel; because the real pain, the REAL hell- Toby taps his head with a flipper. -is in here…

Toby sits on the ground and hangs his head as the children converge on him, and begin hugging and cuddling him with their sticky hands. He thinks about Pam, and whether she forgives him…

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Squirt laughs.

SQUIRT:
Ok… wait… did ya just call Nega-Pam yer Angel? Ya know, the girl ya blew apart cuz she lied to ya? Man, she deserves EVERYTHING Miss Bonaparte is givin’ her. Do ya have any idea what Nega-Pam did to her? Slow… chemical torture for starters. Then her own people…

He shudders.

SQUIRT:
She’s got reasons for what she’s doin’. They ain’t good reasons and she kind of makes us all uncomfortable, but The Great Eagle’s got a plan for her. And she wasn’t just a teacher ahole. Although I don’t expect ya to know that considerin’ all the little pranks ya played on her in prep school. She was just that bh in authority to you, but in the Finisci community, the ADULT community, she did all kinds of good things. Feedin’ the poor, feedin’ the homeless, did ya know she was a registered nurse and that she saved more than 40 Finisci lives while the gullsht doctor was off gettin’ drunk cuz he was stuck treatin’ Finisci? 32 of the people she saved participated in the… uh… the sh*t that messed her up before she came here.

Kevin blows a snot bubble in Toby’s eye.

SQUIRT:
Or were ya talkin’ about Pam? Ya know… yer wife? Cuz she’s definitely gettin’ into the Eternal Nestin’ Grounds unless she fks up REAL bad. Oh, and Miss Marigold? The Mother Hen that was lordin’ over her in life? Yeah. She’s totally facin’ eternal punishment. What she did to yer wife is just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, and the rest of that sh*t ya said? Yeah, sorry. Me bein’ a tiny clone didn’t excuse bein’ an ahole, and you bein’ picked on doesn’t excuse enjoyin’ mass murder. Or killin’ me in cold blood. Or havin’ sex with Nega-Pam while soaked in my blood. Or some of that sh*t ya did when you were a Rogue. Bein’ sorry don’t excuse what ya did, Toby.

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Toby grimaces in disgust as he feels Kevin’s snot in his left eye, and tries to free a flipper to wipe it away. However, the children have them pressed against his body from their hugging him, and all Toby can do is sit there and endure his punishment.

TOBY (sheepish):
Oh… I thought that hen who’s talons Nega-Pam was licking was the same one who hurt MY Pam. I’m… I’m sorry for what i said about… You know.

TOBY (sighing):
Also, i’m not an idiot, Squirt, and i know being sorry doesn’t excuse any of what i’ve done; i just wanted it known that i AM… I’ll bet a lot of people here say that though, just like i’m sure they ask if there is any chance- any HOPE -of redeeming themselves and making up for it… IS there, Squirt? Or is it just suffering from here on out? Also-

Toby shrieks in surprise and pain as one of the children bites him then yells “Penguin tastes like yuck!”. Squirt grins, and Toby clenches his beak shut to keep from screaming as some of the other children now bite him as well, apparently wanting to draw their own conclusion about how he “tastes.”

TOBY (pained): Also, can you MAYBE lighten up on the punches and stuff? OW!! I… I get that you were mostly good because the bad choices Benedict made didn’t carry over to you, but the fact that you’re ENJOYING hurting me is kinda hypocritical, don’t you think? Or does getting into the Eternal Nesting Grounds mean that you can be as much of an assh*le as you want? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Toby tries to be strong and keep himself from giving Squirt the satisfaction of seeing him fold, but as the children start to use Toby’s flippers as the rope in a game of tug-of-war, Toby finds the pain too great to keep contained, and screams in agony.

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Squirt liked seeing Toby getting what he deserved at first.
At first.

F**king Toby.
F**king G****mmit, Toby.

Toby is now experiencing the emotions, pain, and death of every single one of his victims. He screams in agony as a shadow of himself slices into his pink, fleshy body; Toby’s punishment for a random poster on the Free Solus Forums who called him cute.

Squirt stands off in a corner, not enjoying any of this.

The scene shifts as the pink body dies. Toby is now being slow crushed by a shadow of himself in a shadow of Berg. He looks like an LLC technician. His shadow looks like he’s enjoying every second of this cruelty.

Squirt wanders off. He can’t watch any more of this. His margarita beer hat feels heavy and silly now. He takes it off and hurls it to the ground.

F**king Toby.
F**king G****mmit, Toby.

He buries his head in his talons and drops to the ground. He remains there for some time. Just brooding on the edge of the ether. He eventually hears a beautiful shriek from the distance…

The Great Eagle, a brilliant gold feathered bird almost four times Benedict’s size lands next to him. They sit in silence for a few minutes, then Squirt looks up at The Great Eagle, his eyes edged with tears.

SQUIRT:
I… I feel… so… stupid. I… I… I thought… I thought I would feel better… seein’ him…

Squirt buries his face in his talons. The Great Eagle wraps a giant wing around him as he weeps.

SQUIRT: (Between sobs)
I… I was so angry… I… I had just started to get my life together… and he…

The Great Eagle nods.

SQUIRT:
I never got a fair chance.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
Which is why I gave you one.

They sit in silence as Squirt tries to calm himself down. He looks back up at The Great Eagle with a little smile of admiration.

SQUIRT:
This was yer plan all along.

The Great Eagle nods and lifts Squirt’s beer hat in his talon.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
You still want this?

Squirt gives an uncomfortable chuckle, still upset, and shakes his head. The Great Eagle smirks and tosses the beer hat far into the ether. They hear Toby screaming again. Squirt’s smile disappears.

SQUIRT:
Can… can Toby be saved?

THE GREAT EAGLE:
That depends on him. And you. Being a silver hawk isn’t all fun and games Squirt. It’s a responsibility. Can you handle it? Whatever the outcome?

Squirt stands and salutes. For a few moments, he appears as a silvery, glittering, full-sized Buteonen.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
Then get back in there.

Squirt now appears as he did in life, nods his head, and wanders back in to do his duty, and maybe, just maybe, save Toby’s soul.

The Great Eagle stands for a few moments and closes his eyes. Then he lifts off. Squirt and Toby fade into the ether, and The Great Eagle allows himself a small smile, knowing eventually he’ll have two more angels joining him in the eternal nesting grounds.

5 Likes

Tannis openly weeps, for the first time in her long, torturous life

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Toby was wrong about hell… So very, VERY wrong… He thought his memories of Pam would help him overcome any pain, but he had never counted on LOSING those memories. Pain is a funny thing, and it takes precedence over everything when it is strong enough; so strong, that the mind actually withdraws into itself, blotting out one’s identity to protect itself from losing it’s sanity. Toby doesn’t really remember, as such luxuries as memory have been beyond him for a while now, but he believes that his memories of Pam left him when he experienced the pain of the LLC recruiter who’s spine he cut out with a filet knife. Yes… That was probably the moment Toby’s mind started drawing in on itself, unable to accept that such pain is even possible. Since that experience, Toby hasn’t been able to remember Pam… His concept of time (Had he been here for days, years, centuries, or only mere seconds?)… Even his own name… All are forgotten; driven away by the sheer magnitude of the pain he has experienced…


Squirt watched with growing unease as Toby became nothing more than a blank shell, simply experiencing one painful death after the next without any shred of his former self showing; he is little more than a zombie at this point… Squirt never thought he’d actually MISS Toby’s screams of agony, or his teary-eyed pleadings for mercy; but this hollow-eyed silence is worse by FAR…

Squirt had almost completely lost his nerve for being a Silver Hawk when Toby- No… This THING that looks like Toby… -had started to lick his talons without being commanded to do so. Squirt had just decided to take a break from subjecting Toby to the pain of those he killed, for he had been at it for Great Eagle knows how long; time is funny in hell… He had decided to see what Hen-rietta was up to, and found her near where he and Toby had last seen her, Nega-Pam still licking away at her talons. Toby had followed Squirt as commanded, and having just recently entered this zombie-like state, simply stood there staring blankly at nothing at all. Nega-Pam had frozen in horror at the sight of Toby’s emptiness, and Hen-rietta had to bring the riding crop down on her head repeatedly until Nega-Pam snapped out of it and returned to her “cleaning.” Hen-rietta had then resumed trying to convince Squirt that he ought to give it a shot with Toby and reward himself. Squirt hadn’t even been listening, too depressed at wondering just what all this was for; why such suffering was necessary… Squirt had been so engrossed in these thoughts, that he hadn’t even noticed as Toby got down on his flippers and talons as Nega-Pam was, crawled over to him, and began licking his talons… For what felt like forever, but which could only have been a few seconds, Squirt could only stare at Toby’s empty, hollow-eyed expression, before kicking the Finisci away in mingled horror and disgust. His talon had unintentionally caught Toby hard across the face, and sent him spawling on his side… Where he stayed… Just stayed there as he had fallen, and not getting up until Squirt had commanded him to do so; all with that terrible, EMPTY expression…

Was it hope that had caused Toby to do it? Had a part of him that still lived within the shell of his body perhaps believed that Squirt might take it easy on him if he licked Squirt’s talons as Hen-rietta claimed he would like? Squirt wishes he could believe that, as it would mean that Toby is still behind that vacant stare; but he fears it might be something simpler, yet infinitely more terrifying: That Toby’s subconscious, zombie-like mind had merely registered that another Finisci was licking the talons of a flight-capable Aviant, and that he should naturally be doing the same…


Pain. That’s all there is, was, and ever shall be. Pain is his reality, and it makes up the entirety of his existence. There is only the pain of him being cut in half by a spector of himself. There is only the pain of Berg slowly crushing his skull. There is only the pain of him being burned slowly upon the blade his spector impaled him on. There is only the pain he has caused others, and is now experiencing himself. The pain he created. So much pain, and it’s all his fault. It’s ALL-

Toby’s eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets from the strength of his epiphany, and he gasps as his mind once again unfurls, allowing him to become himself again.

TOBY (thinking): It’s all my fault… The pain i’m feeling is the same that i’ve caused others in life, AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT!!

As the spector of himself in Berg disappears, Toby’s eyes fill with tears and he begins to sob; but not for himself. No, for the first time, Toby is aware of what he has done, and the sobs wracking his diminutive body are on account of finally understanding just how much pain- How much EVIL -he has subjected others to…

TOBY (sobbing): It’s all my f-fault! IT’S ALL MY F-F-F-FAULT!!

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Squirt sighs in relief.

SQUIRT:
Oh thank the Great Eagle… ya had me worried. Like, really, REALLY worried. AND DON’T LET ME CATCH YA LICKIN’ MY TALONS AGAIN!!!

The Great Eagle appears as a golden Finisci in front of Toby and Squirt. He says nothing. He simply stands there and watches. Squirt turns a silvery color and grins as he looks at the Great Eagle.

SQUIRT:
Man, this was totally worth it. I was real worried I failed there and we’d have to send ya to the Eternal Feedin’ grounds, but man, YA FINALLY GOT IT!!!

Squirt hugs Toby. The Great Eagle continues to watch.

SQUIRT:
So, what’s next? I kinda… sorta… don’t know where to go from here.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
You have done your part. You have proven that you have the true soul of an Aviant. You may join the others.

Squirt now appears as a silver, full-sized hawk. He looks down at Toby. The mist parts behind him, revealing a group of laughing, happy, silvery Buteonen engaging in a game of rocket ball amongst gold and amber trees. Squirt smiles and stares with longing at the silver hawks. He takes a step forward, then cringes as a booming voice yells from nowhere.

VOICE:
WHAT THE HELL’S THAT FREAK DOIN’ HERE!!??? HE WASN’T EVEN A REAL AVIANT!!!

Sparks fly forth from Squirt’s body as grabs his head in his talons.

TOBY:
What was that?

Squirt looks at Toby, realizing that he heard everything, then down in embarassment.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
A painful memory. That won’t happen again, Squirt. You have my word. By saving Toby, you have proven your soul is true. The others will not question my judgment again.

Squirt looks out at the Buteonen again. He could leave right now and join them. He could finally be one of them, for real. He closes his eyes and stands for a few moments, then turns back to the Great Eagle.

SQUIRT:
I ain’t got nowhere I’d rather be. If it’s all the same. I’d like to see what happens to Toby next.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
This next part of his journey is for Finisci only, Squirt.

SQUIRT:
Then make me a Finisci.

The Great Eagle raises an eyebrow.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
Are you sure?

SQUIRT:
Yeah. It ain’t like I can’t change back, right? Maybe it’d do me some good to… uh… like… I dunno…

He rubs the back of his head.

SQUIRT:
See things from a different perspective?

The Great Eagle smiles. Squirt suddenly appears as a silver Finisci. He looks down and starts trembling. He feels, really, really weird. After a few moments The Great Eagle speaks.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
Shall I change you back?

SQUIRT:
Naw, naw… I… I meant it… I meant it… I just… I’ll… I’ll get used to it… just… ignore me. I’ll be fine.

He looks down at his new flippers still trembling.

SQUIRT:
This is SUPER weird though…

THE GREAT EAGLE:
Toby. Follow me.

The Great Eagle belly slides down a long, icy ramp, flies off the edge and splashes into a glittering pool, looking majestic as hell, even as a Finisci. Toby looks at Squirt, who stares at the ramp and gulps.

TOBY:
Uh… you just… sort of… jump into it… like this…

Toby jumps onto the ramp and belly slides into the pool following The Great Eagle. Squirt takes one last look at the Buteonen, then turns and jumps onto the ramp. He somehow f**ks it up and backslides head first down the ramp with absolutely no control into the water below. Let’s just say it’s the exact opposite of The Great Eagle’s majestic as hell dive. He then splashes around like a maniac screaming.

SQUIRT:
OH F**K!!! THIS WAS A MISTAKE!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOIN’!!! I CAN’T SWIM!!!

The Great Eagle reaches a large flipper out of the water, grabs Squirt by a claw, and pulls him underwater.

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Toby grips the sides of the basin hard enough to make his flippers go numb, and his falling tears cause the surface of the water to ripple, momentarily distorting the image reflected upon it: Pam passed out on the floor of the captain’s quarters aboard the JES pride in a drunken heap, and slowly dying of alcohol poisoning…

TOBY (turning to The Great Eagle):
DO SOMETHING!! SHE’S DYING!! MY PAM IS DYING!!

THE GREAT EAGLE:
I cannot.

TOBY (furious):
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN’T?! SHE’S INNOCENT!! YOU CAN’T LET HER DIE BECAUSE OF MY MISTAKES!!

THE GREAT EAGLE:
I cannot interfere with the choices of the living, Toby. Yes, Pam is innocent; but so are the families of those you slaughtered. I cannot help either them or Pam, for they make their own path through life.

Screaming, Toby throws himself upon The Great Eagle, and begins pummeling him with his flippers. However, he may as well have been striking the side of a mountain, and The Great Eagle just continues to stare at him unperturbed. Toby falls to his bottom against the side of the basin dominating the center of the grotto as his strength leaves him, then looks up at The Great Eagle in his Finisci form, eyes blurry with tears.

TOBY (whispering):
Please…! Please help her…!

THE GREAT EAGLE (looking down at Toby without emotion):
I cannot.

Toby places his face in his flippers and gives way to his misery.


Squirt watches all this silently but with great sadness in his heart. He would try pleading to The Great Eagle himself if he didn’t already know that it would do no good, for The Great Eagle has no authority in the realm of the living, and merely shepherds the souls of those passed. Squirt shudders at the thought of just HOW much teary-eyed begging The Great Eagle has responded to with his look of indifference, and then stares at the floor silently as Toby sobs for his nest-mate. Squirt knows that Toby is sobbing because he knows that Pam will be beyond him forever should she die from the liquor, as suicide is the one crime that puts one eternally beyond hope of redemption in The Great Eagle’s eyes; and what is drowning one’s self in liqour, but the action of one who has given up on life?

The three of them are in an underwater grotto, in the center of which sits the natural stone basin responsible for Toby’s current misery. The Great Eagle had informed Toby beforehand that the basin would show him the current state of anyone living, and of course Toby had eagerly intended to check on Pam. However, The Great Eagle had warned Toby that he may not like what he saw, which of course sent Toby into an anxious fit. Toby had stood watching with horror as his nest-mate drank herself into oblivion out of sorrow for him, helpless to do anything. Squirt now shoots the basin a look swimming with hate, which slowly changes to one of hopeful amazement as he now sees that someone is attending to Pam.


SQUIRT (excited):
Toby, look! Someone is helpin’ her!

One would have thought that Squirt had stated that Pam was right behind Toby, with how fast he now sprang to his talons, and ran over to confirm for himself what Squirt had said. Once again gripping the basin hard enough to numb his flippers, Toby watches in desperation as Benedict of all people sits Pam up and attempts to shake her awake.

TOBY (frantic):
SAVE HER BENNY PLEASE SAVE HER SAVE MY PAM BENNY PLEASE!!

Squirt gazes intently into the basin with nearly as much hope as Toby, neither of them noticing the smile that forms on The Great Eagle’s beak.

4 Likes

Suddenly, that stone basin begins to shake. Beams of light begin to fire up from its depths, forcing Squirt and Toby to jump back. In an explosion of light, one object erupts from the basin and frantically floats around. What appears to be some kind of circuit chip lets out a yell that is impossible for such an object of small size

MINREC DEMANDS LOGICCCCCCCCCCICAL ANSWERS TO THIS CHAOTIC SITUATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

The clearly angry computer chip then begins to glow and sprout a single angry eye. Three arrows then wiggle out of the eyes pupil and form a rotating triangle around it. The angry eye scans around and notices the Finisci

MINREC RECOGNIZES FINISCI LIFEFORMS.

The stone basin begins to glow and fire beams of light yet again. What explodes out of it this time is a muscular man wearing a red tank top, blue jeans and some rad sunglasses… The man speaks in a monotone badass voice

I’m going to finish you off, you robotic son of a bitch!

The angry eye turns an even deeper shade of HATE upon seeing Duke again…

MINREC ALSO RECOGNIZES DEFIANT FLESH BAG!

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Squirt tries to run, trips over his short Finisci talons, and falls flat on his face. Toby turns and stares in disbelief at MINREC.

SQUIRT:
GREAT EAGLE, WHAT IN THE FLYING F**K IS GOIN’ ON!!??

THE GREAT EAGLE: (Sighing)
The Eternal Nesting grounds are… just one small portion of the spirit world. As strong as my will, and the collective will of those who believe is… occasionally, the chaos still manages to leak in.

The Great Eagle transforms back into to his fearsome eagle form and grows to about 40 times his normal size, dwarfing the combatants and casting a gigantic shadow over them. They all briefly look up for a moment.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
I WILL NOT HAVE YOUR SHENANIGANS IN MY GARDENS!!! BE GONE!!!

Toby belly slides forward and grabs MINREC’S fiery hands as the Great Eagle begins to flap his wings.

SQUIRT:
Wait, TOBY!!! WHAT THE F**K ARE YA DOIN’!!! GET BACK HERE!!!

Squirt runs forward, trips and falls again, and grabs Toby by the flipper.

SQUIRT:
He’s exilin’ 'em to the chaos man… ya don’t wanna go to the chaos!

The Great Eagle summons all of his strength and with a final flex of his wings, blows MINREC, the Duke, Felicity, Toby, and the Finisci form of Squirt off into the chaos. The Great Eagle closes his eyes, opens them again, and sees his underwater grotto return to normal. He then notices Squirt and Toby are missing.

THE GREAT EAGLE:
Sh*t.

The group finds themselves on a giant cube covered in butter and cinnamon. Giant rabbits with mosquito faces and wings buzz around them. One of them tries to impale Squirt through the face. He panics, runs, slips, and belly slides off the side of the cube, only to land right back on the cube again. Lightning crackles around them and in the distance, they can see a giant potato with with huge, jagged teeth that looks vaguely like Duke’s great grandmother.

POTATO MONSTER:
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T EAT YOUR F**KING VEGETABLES BOY!!!

Squirt turns to Toby and gives him his most sour glare.

SQUIRT:
Well congratulations ahole, we just got exiled from paradise and it’s ALL YER FAULT!!! WHAT THE FK WERE YA THINKIN’!?

3 Likes

TOBY (tearing up):
I-I thought it would lead to where Pam was! I CAN’T LET HER DIE!!

3 Likes

Squirt finally manages to make his way over to Toby and flipper slaps him multiple times.

SQUIRT:
YOU IDIOT!!! BENNY WAS ALREADY HELPIN’ HER!!! YA WERE ALL SET TO BE A SILVER EAGLE MAN!! YA WERE GONNA BE A F**KIN’ ANGEL MAN!!! AND, DUMBASS, MINREC IS A RECYCLIN’ BOT!!! EVEN IF THAT IS HIM, WHAT’S HE GONNA DO? BUILD YA A ROBOT BODY???

MINREC:
I CAN TOTALLY DO THAT YOU GUYS!!!

SQUIRT:
What?

MINREC:
Help me kill these DOOOOUUUUUCCCHHHEEEEEEBBBAAAAAAAGGGGGGGG CHHHHHEEEEEAAAATTTEEEEERRRRRRSSSSSSSSSS AND WE’LL TAAAAALLLLLKKKKKKKKK!!!

The potato monster grabs Squirt by the neck with a long, green vine arm and pulls him off the cube.

SQUIRT:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! FK!!! FKING FK!!! I SWEAR IF THIS THING EATS ME I’M GONNA KILL YA TOBY!!! I KNOW YER ALREADY DEAD!!! BUT I’LL KILL YA AGAIN!!! F******KKKKKK!!!

POTATO MONSTER:
EAT YOUR VEGETABLES OR THE VEGETABLES WILL EAT YOU, DUKEY PUKEY!!!

3 Likes

WAIT. WHAT? How the HELL did I get to… Whatever this is…

Sigh

This is defiantly not “my old prison” Not even that could fathom a cube made out of … Ew…

4 Likes

TOBY:
I don’t WANT to be a Silver Eagle, I JUST WANT PAM BACK!!

Toby yelps in surprise and fear as the potato monster grabs Squirt, then voices a pathetic warcry as he rushes it, only to be ensnared around a talon by a vine. The potato monster dangles Toby upside-down a few feet away from Squirt, who just continues to glare at him in anger.

TOBY (blushing in embarrassment):
Well… It’s not like it’s worse than hell, right?

4 Likes

SQUIRT:
I WAS IN HEAVEN YOU JACKASS!!!

The Potato Monster begins to lower Squirt and Toby into its gaping maw.

SQUIRT:
Toby, I just want ya to know… I hate you so g****mn much sometimes it’s unbelievable.

3 Likes